I thought she was too flirty...and then got the friend talk...?

Question

I was at a singles event the other day and noticed the most attractive girl in the room was being way more flirtatious to me than any other girls there. I played hard to get while she was asking my name and such and such. I knew I would see her again and at the end of the night she seemed kind of perturbed I didn't ask for her number as she left. The next night she showed up wearing sexier clothes and it was still on between her and I. I started asking questions about her and talked with her for a few hours and asked her out. She said yes, and offered her email address to me. Her reply email said she's looking for friendship, but would love to hang out and likes my company. We ended up hanging out and she mentioned which other guys she hung out with in the past week. I am now thinking that women who flirt way too much upfront aren't really screening for a guy they plan on dating maybe because they just want to see how many guys she CAN get? or am I way off... (she's 26)

Answer 1

your assumption is true to an extent:

many people love attention so will flirt like h**l just to get some or play hard to get and lead people on just to see how far they can take it. it's really obnoxious and unfair that some people do this but they crave and love the idea of someone wanting to be with them.

however, dont think that ALL women do this because she was probably just one of those types. there are some women out there who do flirt alot up front because they really are interested in you so dunt cut them all off because of this one person.

if anything, just be careful next time because now you know, but, like i said, dont cut everyone off because it would suck if you made this assumption about a girl whos actually interested. (the whole 'boy who cried wolf' effect)

Answer 2

Just the tone of your question seems like you assume all similar behavior is motivated by similar desires and that assumption simply isn't true.  

She obviously was sending you signals of attraction. There are two possible reasons: 1) she is genuinely interested. 2) She isn't genuinely interested but was simply flirting.

Let's look at the first example. If she was genuinely interested then you didn't respond with enough interest.  She decided she was being a little too subtle for a guy to notice (We've been accused of this more than a million times.  What's a girl to do?) so she comes on a little bit stronger.  You still don't react positively enough so she must now do damage control so she doesn't get the reputation of being, how can I say this delicately, easy?  

Second possibility:  She was in a playful mood and you were the closest man available. She tried to get you out of your shell and didn't succeed. OK. Now she has to fix this little blemish on her reputation as a party girl so she comes on stronger the next time. Still, you don't bite.  She is now thinking you are shy and maybe you are fantasizing about her but will never have the gonads to approach her so, as a kindness to you, she puts you in the "friends" category just to terminate the playful little game without further leading you on.

Guys can be dumb.  I know, I am one and I've been dumb.  At the very least she was offering you a steel engraved invitation to play a little game with her for a few hours and I'm betting you were so engrossed with a possible sexual outcome that you didn't notice there was a pleasant little game she was playing with you.  I'm betting that because you couldn't see beyond the s*x,  you lost out on a fun time.  

Here's another thing.  When she is flirting with you, you don't need to play hard to get.  You already have her attention.  Wait until things aren't going you way and then play a little hard to get, make her work for your attention.  Next time, play her game for a while, and let her win a little bit.

Answer 3

I'm just throwing this opinion in the mix because no one else said it.  Perhaps she was interested in you, then got to know you and decided that you are friend material, but not exactly boyfriend material.  There could have been something she noticed about you that turned her off to considering a dating relationship with you.  Just another view point to consider.

She does sound like an attention hound though.

Answer 4

Many women are psychotic... not on an intentional level, but I know from.. personal experience.. that some women beleive they can do whatever the fudge they want... she was probably just looking for some attention...

Answer 5

Maybe you didn't create too much attraction or maybe she was testing you with the friend thingy to see how you'd act. When girls try to feed me with that 'friend' c**p I usually tell them that I already have friends and I don't need one more.

Answer 6

... you've got her pegged.

Answer 7

oh yeah, she"s a leach, she just wants to use you?

haha idk

Answer 8

Sounds like you're exactly right...

Some girls just crave male attention. Sorry she was acting that way, but maybe it was for the best. You don't want to end up dating someone who constantly feels the need to be hit on or picked up just to reaffirm their low self-esteem.

Better luck finding a nicer girl - there are loads of them out there =)