I told my "mistress" I couldnt talk to him anymore. Convince me I did the right thing??

Question

I'm a girl, I just didn't know the male word for mistress...

I dated a guy right after high school that was my soul mate and I think it was the person I am supposed to be with in life. Well, we were 19 and stupid, so we lost contact after a year of dating. Not for any reason or anything, just lost contact. School and location mostly, I guess.

So then, months later, I met my husband. I've now been with my husband 7 years. It's been a HARD seven years. He was verbally abusive until this year. Anyways, at the beginning of 2007, I found old boyfriend guy online. We've been talking on the phone since then. I saw him in September, 2007 and we slept together a couple times. I didn't feel too horrible about it, since my husband and I weren't getting along anyways.But this year, my husband and I have made a huge change in our marriage and have been doing wonderfully. There really is a newfound love there that hasn't been there for at least 6 years. I saw old boyfriend again in July, 2008 and the same thing happened. But this time I obviously feel AWFUL. I just told old boyfriend that I couldn't speak with him anymore since it causes me to not be able to focus on my marriage. I know my feelings are SO strong for this guy... I mean, I truly love him. But I want my husband and I to work out. So I had to completely stop talking to him.

Even though I think old boyfriend is the man I'm supposed to be with in life, I AM married, so I need to try and make that work.

Tell me this was the right thing to do. Don't tell me how horrible I am for cheating. I already know that. I know its a hard story to follow.

Thanks for any help you have.

Answer 1

For better or worse, but if every time it's worse and you cheat, you should divorce.

Answer 2

You are where you are supposed to be. i am glad you are working it out. you did the right thing. And no i don't think you are bad, you were just confused and with having a marriage on the "rocks" or relationship for that matter, people tend to do things for comfort and validation.

I only have one small thing. If there was abuse in you past, verbal. Are you worried it will happen again? if you are past that great, but does your husband know you cheated 2 times? there is a chance he will find out. these things have a way of coming out in the end. how will that effect your marriage?

Do you want to lose both of them? is the other guy just wanting you for fun and s*x and nothing more?

Do you have kids?

These are all things you need to think about.

Only you know how you feel in your heart and only you can decide which path you will choose.

May your journey lead you to many happy days.

Be safe.  

Answer 3

I think you are doing the right thing by cutting off the boyfriend. You said yourself that you want the marriage to work, so I dont really see where the confusion lies. You have strong feelings for the boyfriend because your married and its exciting. Focus on your husband and good luck to the two of you.

Answer 4

from what your saying all you really want to hear is that "you've done the right thing" it doesnt matter what we think, or what we think you shouldve done, you just need to follow your heart and you decide on whats best for you, your marriage and your life! i know you need advice etc but none of us know the FULL story so i cant judge you from what you have written, the only person that can help you is yourself.. hope everything works out well..

Answer 5

I think you should really search into your heart. Be fair to both of them and yourself. Don't force yourself into something that is not going to make you completely happy. I guess I want to say be honest to yourself. This is your life affecting others. Think hard. Do you have children with your husband? Make sure they are going to be ok.

Answer 6

First of all, if you really want things to work out between you and your husband, you are going to have to dump the boyfriend in every way.  Your head is never going to be in the marriage if you have this guy on the side.  Really, this guy came along at a low point in your marriage and seized the opportunity.  

Remember your vows next time you are feeling like you love this other guy so much.  If you love him more than your husband, then don't waste your time working at a marriage that may well be doomed.