I tried to forget i was sexually abused and move on ,now i've been depressed because of it?

Question

I was molested by some of my classmates when i was 12 and the people at school who knew harassed me about it all of that year.

Later when i was 18 i was raped by a stranger. Never told anyone till years later. IF i never told anyone, no one else would remember and it would be easier to forget.

Later when i was 26 i was assaulted by my employer who always used to harassed me and attempted to force me into having s*x with him.

again, i kept it to myself, just as the previous occasions i was to ashamed to even mention it.

Now at 28 I have a boyfriend who loves me and i wanna start life from scratch with him. But this suppressed memories and hurt have risen from the deeps of my memories and i am suffering so much.I have already forgotten all about it!

Why do you think its that?

Have you ever been through this?

can anyone understand me?

Answer 1

The trouble with pushing memories and emotions down is a bit like the trouble with pushing more and more things into a suitcase.

Sure, you might be able to get it shut, but as soon as you open it to get something else out (like happiness at the thought of starting a new life with your bf), a lot of other stuff just sort of explodes out and won't go back in no matter how hard you push!

As others have said, there are places you can talk about these matters, and get practical help and support.

You could start with RAIIN (see link below).

They are a free service, staffed by people who really do understand what you've been through. You can remain anonymous and your confidentiality will be respected.

They can also provide practical help and support.

Giving them a call could be a tough thing to do, but it will not be any tougher than going through what you have done.

You must be a strong person to have got this far ~ take some steps to be kind to yourself and seek the support you need to help you grow even further.

Best wishes :-)

Answer 2

Yes, I completely understand. I was raped at age 18. The man that raped me told everyone else it was consentual, so my boyfriend believed him and broke up with me. I was devastated. Many people in my social circle started calling me a "w***e" and "****" after the rape.

About 10 months ago, I was sexually assaulted. I was dignitally penetrated. Because the man had masterbated before he put his finger inside he had the HPV virus on his fingers and he gave it to me.

I know what you mean by not telling anyone to make it go away. To a certain degree, I think it may help to keep it to yourself. If I had told my family and all my friends about the rape, it would have been shocking and everyone would be talking about it for a long time. They would say "OMG that is so horrible! Isn't that awful?" I can only imagine if I had told my friends about the STD I caught. They would say "OMG you have an STD for LIFE OMG you must be so depressed." When people make it sound so horrible, it makes you more depressed. For example, I told my friend that my dad had cancer and a 60% chance to live. She replied "OMG that is horrible. Aren't you depressed?" It made me more depressed.

However, you could get counseling for your molestations. I have learned that not every mental health professional is the greats. I have seen one psychiatrist and one psychologist. The psychiatrist was horrible but the psychologist I saw was so kind and so incredibly helpful. So it reall depends on the person. You can start seeing a counselor, and if you don't like them in any way, you are always free to find a new one. Keep trying out ones til you find out that it is amazing.

YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!!!! I think of myself as a survivor. In a weird way, all the abuse I faced is a blessing (I was also repeatedly called ****, w***e, s***k from my ex boyfriend---He tore down my self-esteem and made me feel worthless) The rape turned into a rumor that I willingly had s*x, which in turn ruined my reputation.

However, nowadays I don't care!!! I don't care what people from my high school think about me. Those people don't even know me and aren't even my friend. They gossip about me behind my back, but I will show them how successful I can be. I am getting straight A's in college right now so I can get into a good grad school.

Think of yourself as a survivor. I think people often say how rape victim feel "dead inside" and how painful it is. IT IS PAINFUL!!! I completely understand how people feel. However, after a certain point you have to see yourself as a survivor. I don' think you went through the correct grieving process. You should see a counselor that you can let out all your feelings to. I am over the grieving process so that is why I am a survivor now. Go see a therapist!!  

Answer 3

Go to a psychologist not psychiatrist. That's a good starter.  

Answer 4

Your depression can be treated with medication.  Its entirely possible that you suffer from PTSD and the depression may be a symptom thereof.  There are lots of websites with useful information

http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/ptsd...

http://www.nycagainstrape.org/survivors_...

As I've already mentioned, the first thing you need to do is to get your physician to prescribe antidepressants.  Get him or her to make an appointment with a psychiatrist for evaluation, and take it from there.  

Good luck.

*Don't you think its time to shop for a new psychiatrist?  The RIGHT antidepressants will make you feel better in a matter of weeks.  You don't need to feel this lousy.  Get your primary care physician to send you to someone else.  

PS: Psychiatrists treat your symptoms medically: they're not there to listen to your life story.  If you want talk therapy then you need to enlist the services of an experienced clinical psychologist.

But before anything else you MUST get on the right antidepressant medication and be monitored by a psychiatrist.  Nothing else matters right now but that alone.  All the talk therapy in the world won't help you until you get that out of the way.  The drugs will get you emotionally stable.

Answer 5

no i haven't been through this, but i watch too much drama shows so i know exactly what you are talking about.forget about your past, it's the future that matters. go talk to a therapist to make you feel better. don't be embarrassed to talk to a therapist. i'm pretty much sure that they had heard worse stories than yours. if anybody tries to abuse you again call the police. I've gone through quite a bit in my past actually.

pray to God. prayer to the Lord always calms me down. i wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

Yeah, I've been through a similar pattern of abuse and revictimisation.  It's especially hard to deal with because it's hard to imagine that people are safe to be around.  And that can have a devastating effect on a loving relationship.  It's just so difficult to let your guard down because of the intense (and partly unconscious) fear of being assaulted again by someone you should be able to trust.

A lot of people in this situation also feel a great deal of guilt and shame: they think they must have done something to make people assault them, or they worry that they're somehow giving out signals that invite abuse.

In fact, what happens is that anyone who has been abused in childhood (like you were as a 12 year-old) learns to respond to further threatening experiences by becoming terrified, but the part of us that should be profoundly angry can't be activated.  Therefore we don't try to resist: we're too scared and not angry enough.  And so we blame ourselves for not resisting (even though we know it wouldn't have made any difference) and we think we're to blame for the attack.

That's why we never tell anyone when it happens again and again.  We're afraid of not being believed, of our own shame, of being revictimised yet again by the people we might tell.

Therapy has been extremely helpful to me.  It can help if you find a therapist who specialises in sexual abuse and assault problems.  Therapy can help you work through all the feelings of guilt, shame, anger, betrayal and everything else.  It can help you believe you didn't deserve to be attacked.  It can help you believe you deserve to recover.    It can help you to accept that sh*t happens and that the past belongs in the past.  And it can help you talk to your new partner about your needs and your fears, which will strengthen and deepen your relationship.

Good luck!