I upset & lost faith in myself, why i cannot get the things to satisfy myself? both in job and true love?

Question

the answer of desperation is suicide?

Answer 1

Ask God to help you.  He will give you hope and courage that you will need to assess what is not working in your life.  Next he will give you the strength and presence of mind to take steps to fix these things.  

Work first on yourself.  Low self-esteem is the root to many of life's problems.  Don't worry about a relationship right now.  In your state, you are vulnerable to abusers who will exploit your weakness.  Take care of yourself and don't consider suicide an option.