I used to beat my wife but ive changed now,how can i get her to take me back?? help?

Question

It was a few years ago when we first married for about a year,and im not proud of it and i deeply regret it but she wont take me back. I was having a very stressful time at work in those days and went on to lose my job,thats one of the reasons i took it out on her but she doesnt understand and I've honestly changed but now when i try to contact her she wont listen to anything I have to say.I would never lift my hand to her again but she doesnt believe me,I never even meant to hurt her I was just frustrated with everything

I called at her place on thursday and she wouldnt even open the door off its chain,I asked her why she wouldnt open the door and she says cause shes afraid of me and okay she did look scared but does it seem like she has another man in her house now, and thats why she wouldnt let me in? im really upset about it all. shes living with her dad and 2 brothers right now and I know theyre turning her agaisnt me even more but Ive really worked hard to change,now I cant even go round again to try to rectify what ive done incase their there too to sway her thoughts about me. And no im not stalking her or anything like that,Ive only contacted her a few times since we seperated but I really do adore her Ive just made some mistakes like most husbands have.

Ive apologized more than once but she wont even give me a chance, I feel so helpless. however a few weeks before i called at her house i saw her in zehrs and asked her politely could i see her to talk things over and she yelled at me and told a security gaurd i was bothering her,she even turned on the crocodile tears (shes 26 acting like 6) and made me look like a total a-hole but I only have good intentions. should I just give her time?

does anyone ever had this problem have any advice?

Answer 1

She doesn't want you back,  leave her alone.

Answer 2

Speaking as a victim of domestic violence, the best thing you can do is leave her the h**l alone. There is doing things wrong and there is what you did. >:-/

Crocodile tears??? FFS man, get real! Don't give her time, give her a divorce (if she hasn't divorced you already).

You are sorry? Well woo friggidy hoo. Shouldn't have raised your fists to her in the first place then should you?

Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.

Answer 3

dont lie your still a woman beater lol

Answer 4

Well first of all it was extremely wrong to beat her and i know that you have learnt from your mistakes which are good. Now write her a simple letter saying:

Hi whatever her name is,

Im really sorry for what i did to you before i know you dont deserve that I've changed now i've started fresh and i want you to be with me. I know what i did was wrong and i'll never do it again i just wanted to say that im extremely sorry for what i did and i hope that you can forgive me. This is the last time i'll ever contact you again and just give me one chance and i'll prove to you that i have changed and i'll give you anything you want just to see your beautiful face again with that shining smile.

If she says no then leave her and dont bother her anymore.

Hope i helped.

Answer 5

u really have  problem &get back together not gonna haven so move on i think REHAB that s good place 4 u

Answer 6

You say, "im looking for solutions not to be judged" in response to earlier replies. I don't think you're looking for solutions at all, I think you're looking for validation, for people here to say you're a wonderful guy for seeing the error of your ways and to hear from us that your wife is behaving unreasonably.

Firstly, why do you refer to the woman as your wife? Is she so stupid that she's still married to you, or is she actually your ex-wife now?

You say that she "turned on the crocodile tears" when she saw you. In other words, your reaction to her emotions is still to refuse to accept them as valid. Instead, in a rather infantile, world-revolves-around-me way, you believe that since you are telling her that your intentions are now honorable, she must believe this and not get upset when seeing you again.

You also mention that you believe she has another man in her house. Why exactly are you thinking about that? And, if you're honest with yourself - as you should be, since you're supposedly a changed, enlightened, wiser man now - how does the idea of her being with another man make you feel? I bet you feel like going over there and smashing his face in and then giving her a lesson she'll remember in what happens when a woman of yours messes around with another guy.

In other words, I'm willing to bet good money that this bit of "stress" would cause you to react in exactly the same way that the stress of a few years ago did.

If you really have good intentions for this woman, if you really care about her and regret the things you did to her, then you'd walk away and let her get over you as best she can and get on with her life, hopefully with someone a lot more balanced than you.

Given what you say about how she's responded to your advances, I'd suggest you think very carefully about ever trying to see her again. After what you've already done, and if she has any sense, she'll be talking to whatever local agency deals with domestic violence with the intention of taking out a restraining order against you.

As for your life, if you have indeed seen the error of your ways and turned over a new leaf, you should take whatever lessons you can from the marriage you ruined and look for someone new to share your life with.

Answer 7

EVEN NOW YOU ARE STILL USING EXCUSES FOR YOUR UNMANLY CONDUCT,when you are unable to take stress you do not take it out on your loved ones,especially kids.You should realise ,there are women who will not tolerate this behaviour,as for her behaving like a child of six when you are virtually stalking her ( if she reports it,thats what you will be charged with ) she can even get the security guard as a witness,i would be very careful.You should move on ,you have lost this one,lesson learned(hopefully )I don,t think you have changed myself,what happens the next time you are stressed ?

Answer 8

I'd probably never forgive you again. but if ur so desperate, why not write a letter then she wouldn't feel so indimidated

Answer 9

Leave her alone. She has every right not to want you anywhere near her. Having suffered an abusive partner I can only agree with her not wanting to open the door without the chain. Frankly I think you're lucky she opened it at all! I fully understand her father and brothers telling her you're bad news - how would you react if it was your sister or daughter who'd been repeatedly beaten through no fault of her own.

I don't think you have the slightest idea just how much damage you've done to her. Yes, the physical pain may have stopped but that doesn't mean she is fine emotionally. She's probably lost all confidence in herself and she will never be able to trust you again. If you're feeling bad about the situation, think how bad she must be feeling. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip- you are not the victim here- she is.

You were very quick to jump to the conclusion that she had a man in the house. Really you have no right to be possessive- she can see whomever she likes. You lost all rights over her the day you decided it was ok to hit her just because you were having a bad time.

Now I'm not saying that you haven't changed for the better, I'm just saying you have to let her go. What you've done has ruined her life- as you pointed out, just seeing you makes her hysterical, as she has every right to be. If I saw my abusive ex again I don't know what I'd do, I think I'd probably start screaming too.

Move on with your life. Find someone new and treat them like they deserve to be treated.

Answer 10

oh, one of those men!!! why dont you just leave her alone. she gave you a chance and you blew it. beating up someone leaves them emotional and physical scars. even if you have changed, she hasnt as she has an emotional scar for life. so move on !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 11

get a life you don't deserve another chance with anyone.  Beaters are always beaters you never change, you will find some lame excuse again for the next time you do it and trust me you will men like you never stop.  does it make you feel big about yourself to raise a hand on another person.  do everyone a favor stay single.

Answer 12

you say your sorry and that you've changed.why on earth would she believe that.did you say sorry after every other time you raised your hand? this is usually what happens.promise never to do it again,until your next outburst. of course shes afraid of you,don't you think that if you were being attacked by by the one that's supposed to love you whenever they felt like it you'd start to become confused and scared,people are human beings man! not rag dolls to be hurt whenever the going gets tough.you are responsible for your own actions you can never blame it on something else.I'm sorry but shes well rid cause if she took you back,that would mean you could do it again its like an excuse. oh she took me back so it doesn't matter what i do to her she loves me,  so therefore she might not mind another slap in the future when you feel a little frustrated even in your message your putting her down by saying shes acting like a 6yr old.its you that messed up not her you dint have any respect at all.tour words are empty ones I'm afraid.

Answer 13

Quit while you're ahead.

Sorry but YOU hit her.  It is not her fault, never was and never will be.

She doesn't need to give you a chance, now or ever.

You sound exactly like every other man who beats his partner and makes it her fault ("poor me she turned on the crocodile tears", "poor me, she won't", "poor me, poor me, poor me", and trying to isolate her from her family)  Not a single bit of empathy for your ex.  A lot of anger and distaste for everyone out there...

Of course I don't know you from a bar of soap and maybe in your heart of hearts you have changed.

But your ex, she's gone.  I doubt she will come back, and if she does is she returning out of love and trust or out of fear?  Chances are it's fear.  You want to be with someone who is fearful of you?

Walk, don't run, go and fix yourself up properly and start elsewhere.

Answer 14

Once you beat a woman forget it. You do not deserve another chance. Give her freedom.

Answer 15

She's too afraid to open the door to you and so scared that she cried at the sight of you? God, what have you done to her? That's truly sad.

Answer 16

Leave her alone even if you get her back he will not trust you so just move on

Answer 17

Aww you feel "helpless"? My heard bleeds for you (not)

How do you think she felt when you were beating her? Helpless is one appropriate word that comes to mind.

You're a selfish ba$tard, face it. You're not a real man, just a wimp.

Almost everyone who has ever worked has experienced stress in their workplace, it doesn't mean they go home and beat their wives you stupid moron.

Oh and see this bit "shes living with her dad and 2 brothers right now and I know theyre turning her agaisnt me even more but Ive really worked hard to change,now I cant even go round again to try to rectify what ive done incase their there too to sway her thoughts about me"

You should change it to "I can't even go round there anymore cause I'm really a wuss who is afraid of gettin a beating from 3 men, Im so weak that I only hit women afterall"

Loser.

PS you made her cry in public to the point where she had to ask a total stranger for help, yeah good going you fool, doesnt sound like you adore her at all, you just sound selfish and childish, real men treat every woman how they'd like their mother/daughter/sister to be treated, you're not a man just a mouse.

Leave her alone.

One more thing, the average man is a h**l of a lot stronger than the average woman physically, would you like to be beat up by a guy two or three times your size? dont think so.. she deserves applaud for having the sense to leave you cause you're a Loser with a capital L incase you havent realized already..

Answer 18

Its unlikely she will ever want to talk to you, let alone trust you again.

I suggest that now you have learned from your mistakes you take some time to be by yourself and try and get over her.  It might even be worth having some counselling.

In time you may meet someone else and will hopefully have learnt the right way to be in a relationship.  

Answer 19

firstly u hit ur wife thats a no no (**** frustration )no excuse and u said u have changed wat happens next time ur stressed u gonna smack her again wat help have you gotten for ur temper ur sayin she acting like a 6 year old wake up ur the 6 year old wit ur tantrums go  get help firstly and give her space womwn want above all to be loved and respected and safe im afraid u have violated all these the day u put ur hands on her i just hope this woman can love and trust again  

Answer 20

You'll have to face it,  no matter how sorry you are now you've blown it with this lady, and to be honest, you don't sound all that sorry or caring to me otherwise you wouldn't accuse her of crocodile tears and acting like a 6 year old. and as for her making you look an a*hole, you did that all by yourself.

Sorry to be harsh, but if you can't convince me, how on earth do you expect her to be convinced of your rehabilitation.

Forget her - move on.

Answer 21

THROUGH MY OWN EXPERIENCE, ACTIONS SPOKE LOUDER THAN WORDS.  MY HUSBAND AND I WERE IN THE SAME EXACT BOAT AS YOU AND YOUR WIFE.  AFTER WEEKS OF BEGGING, PLEADING, CRYING, AND APOLIGES, HE FINALLY BACKED OFF AND STARTED SHOWING ME HOW MUCH HE HAD CHANGED THROUGH HIS ACTIONS.  HE RETURNED TO SCHOOL, RECEIVED SOME MORE TRAINING, AND GOT A BETTER JOB WHERE HIS STRESS LEVEL WASN'T SO HIGH.  HE STARTED TAKING CARE OF HIS PERSONAL NEEDS AND FINANCES INSTEAD OF DEPENDING ON ME TO DO IT FOR HIM.  HE STARTED ATTENDING CHURCH AND BECOMING INVOLVED IN COMMUNITY ACTIVITIES.  HE STARTED GROWING, BOTH PERSONALLY AND PROFESSIONALLY, AND I SAW THIS,  I SAW THE CHANGES AND WTH THIS CAME NEW FOUND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION.  THIS IS THE PERSON I WANTED TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH AND I LET HIM KNOW IT.  WE STARTED OFF SLOW, JUST DATING, NO PRESSURE WHATSOEVER.  FROM THERE WE RENEWED OUR LOVE AND LIFE HAS BEEN GOOD EVER SINCE.  I WANT TO ADD THAT I WAS ALSO ABLE TO LOOK BACK AND RE-EVALUATE MYSELF AND MY ACTONS AND REALIZED I WAS NOT PERFECT.  I WAS IMMATURE AND A SPOILED DADDY'S GIRL, WHICH DIDN'T HELP OUR RELATIONSHIP ONE BIT.  I AM NOT JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS IN HITTING YOUR WIFE.  VIOLENCE IS NEVER THE SOLUTION TO ANY SITUATION, BUT I AM SAYING LET IT GO FOR NOW.  CONCENTRATE ON YOURSELF.  TRUST AND RESPECT HAVE TO BE EARNED.  IT CAN'T BE BROW-BEATEN OUT OF SOMEONE.  GOOD LUCK.

Answer 22

It doesn't seem likely that she is going to take you back.  She has probably been put off you permanently.

And can you really be sure that it would be any different if she took you back?  Don't you think you might start knocking her about again the next time things got stressful?

When you say you "used to beat your wife" was it something you did quite frequently?  If so then she is probably convinced that you will start again, and she could be right.  It may be that you simply can't control your impulses when things get tough.

It might be best to just let her go, she doesn't seem to want you any more.

Answer 23

Sorry, but you had your chance and you blew it.  You may feel that you have changed, but it sounds like she doesn't want to be around to find out.  Leave her alone and move on.  Perhaps next time around you will have learned enough along the way to know you cannot beat up on your wife or anyone else for that matter just because you have had a bad day.

Your reluctance to let this situation go and lack of understanding as to why your wife feels the way she does, tells me you have a long way to go in dealing with your problem.  Stop trying to minimize the damage you inflicted.  Those "crocodile tears" you referred to were probably real.  I would be crying, too, if my abusive husband was following me around in dept stores trying to get me to do things I didn't want to do i.e., "talk things over".  

Dude, there is nothing to talk over as far as she is concerned.

Answer 24

she be a fool to get back with a man that beats on woman

Answer 25

Relationship counseling is highly recommended for you.  Hitting someone is a betrayal of trust, how can you physically abuse someone that you love.  And, what will happen if you are stressed out again?  Your wife is afraid of you and domestic violence syndrome is something most people never get over, it makes them feel unworthy esp. if it someone who said they love them.  The fear of being striked again physically is very overwhelming.  I believe you are sorry but I do not see why you think she should just forget about it.  You might have to move on and learn from this experience and get counseling to make sure it never happens again.  Of course time might bring your wife back but I'm talking about years of rebuilding a new trust in you.

Answer 26

Its good to hear that you have sorted yourself out - but the horse has bolted mate.

Put it this way - if you had a sister and her husband had done to her what you have done to your wife - would you want her to go back?

Be honest now?

You need to move on - if she is afraid of you there is nothing that can change it! This is the price you pay for your actions!

Answer 27

I'm sorry honey but you have terrified her.....she will not take you back.

Answer 28

There are two reasons I would leave my husband and never look back: 1. he cheats on me, and 2. he hits me.

You say you've changed, but all you did was get the stress out of your life.  What if that stress comes back?  Will you take it out on her again?  What if you have kids?  Are you going to beat on them too?  

You really will have changed after some anger management therapy.  Then, go find a woman and put her on a pedastal and keep her there.  But, leave your last victim alone.  You've hurt her enough.  You have no idea how bad you've hurt her.

Answer 29

There is never a valid excuse for a man beating up his wife.  It doesn't matter how much you regret it, she'll probably never forgive and forget, and quite rightly too.

The whole tone of your message is off.  It's almost as if you're trivialising the seriousness of what you done.  "I've just made some mistakes like most husbands have"????  Most husbands forget to take the bin out or don't put the loo seat down, not batter ten shades out their woman and expect everything to be happy ever after.

As for her dad and brothers turning her against you.  Nope.  You done that all by yourself.

And the "crocodile tears"?  Could you possibly for one second stop and think that maybe she is genuinely scared, considering your previous violent tendencies?  A lot of people do actually cry real tears when they're scared ya know.

Please just leave her alone.  You've apologised and she doesn't want to know you.  Give it up mate before you end up with a harassment charge against you.

Answer 30

Number 1 I'm glad to hear you've stopped, but have u had professional help to deal with the stress to guarantee these incidents wont happen again.

Secondly, I'm sorry but you can't blame her for her actions, being female and having been in that position, the truth of the matter is she may never get back with you.

You also cant use ur work and stress as an excuse, as alot of people have these life issues to deal with to and don't resort to violence.

You may have to deal with the fact the trust has gone, and shes well within her right not to want to speak to you.

Hope this helps, and i hope things work out for you.

Answer 31

You need to leave her alone and move on.  I would never trust you again or be able to forgive you.