I walked in on my wifes 11 year old son masturbating today?

Question

he is embarassed and wont come out of his room because he thinks im going to yell at him, and he thinks im going to tell his mom, what can i do to make him understand that he's not in trouble and that im not going to tell his mom

Answer 1

Just avoid him & dont look @ him cause he's gonna feel insecure. Whatever you do dont mention it, not even to say i wont tell your mom because then he'll think you have it on your mind & its  a secret between you guys & you wont look @ him in the same way again. Just act like it never happened. He'll come around, he's just in shock.

Answer 2

Well you are gonna have to go in there and talk to him and tell him what you have said. Tell him that you won't tell his mom but even if you did, he would not be in any sort of trouble. It's time for the birds and the bees talk, if you need to run it past your wife for the okay, then tell her what happened. If you don't need to run it past her, then its time for the talk today.

Answer 3

LOL

Answer 4

WOW!! really?

Answer 5

Slip a note under his door saying, "I don't get why your not coming out out?, we all have to adjust ourselves from time to time", . Maybe you need to keep your distance a bit until he can face you! I wouldn't get into any big dicussions AT ALL, lay low and let it go!

Answer 6

LOL.. Tell him if he keeps doing it he will go blind..LOL J/K I agree with the others, you have to take that step and have that "birds & the bees" talk. Just explain that he is not in trouble, and that he is growing up or something like that.. Oh my, good luck to you!

Answer 7

This happened to me. I would go into his room and have a private talk with him and let him know that masterbation is natural and private. I would also let him know that this is nothing that will get him in trouble or that his mom will be mad about. I think coming from a man will help. Perhaps let him know all boys do it. Even you! I had to have my hubby have a talk with the little boy. It worked and we are all closer than ever!

Answer 8

I would (knock) on his door and have a "man to man".  Say hey, its perfectly natural and everyone does it and that you aren't going to tell him mom, its between the two of you.  Let him know that you will knock, and maybe start making it a house rule for everyone to knock before entering anyone else's room if the door is closed (so it isn't focused on him).  

Lastly, I would maybe slyly suggest to Mom that it is time to have the bird and the bees talk with him if she hasn't already.  Children who's parents are frank and open about puberty and human sexuality tend to make better choices about it when actually presented with it.  But make sure mom gives it just a little time for things to cool off.  

I had "the talk" with my son and was surprised to find out that he thought s*x was something "dirty and wrong" and he had no idea that it was how babies are made.  Once we actually started talking about the body, he had a lot of questions and it went from awkward to informative really quickly.

Answer 9

He'll come out sooner or later, he'll get hungry or have to use the restroom. Maybe you should just leave it alone and give it a few days or so and then explain to him he has nothing to be embarassed about.

Answer 10

Well from now on even though he is only 11 i would knock on his door just to let him know he has that certain independance that kids feel they need for those moments, he is not to young for masturbating i've heard of younger kids doing this!! I would just knock on his bedroom door and ask to come because you'd like to talk to him. Sit down with him even though youmay not be his biological father, you can still sit down and tell him the facts of life if his paretns haven't already. Well not the facts of life, because his parents or parent should be present for that, you never know now adays!! But i would just tell him that what he did was normal and human nature, tell him he's not in any kind of trouble, and that your not going to tell his mother. Tell him everything is alright, and that from now on you will knock before entering!! and i would talk to his mother about giving him a little privacy and knock on his door also... Might make him feel better!! Hope i helped!!

Cheers!!

Answer 11

explain to him that you were his age once and did the same thing (if you did)

Answer 12

Write a note and slip it under the door.He won't be able to not read it.

Answer 13

Good answer from Chris L.  I would add that you should always knock before entering his room, that really bugged me when I was a kid when my mother just barged in on me without knocking.

Answer 14

just slip him a note under the door with exactly what you said- he's not in trouble and your not going to tell his mom . Tell him its all forgotten.  Then take him out for ice cream

Answer 15

next time knock first u nosy head

Answer 16

next time knock, you have no right to walk in on him

Answer 17

Tell him that it is ok and everyone does it.

Sorry that is really ackward

Answer 18

Go into his room. (Knock first ;) )

Tell him you'll make this as quick as possible, becasue it isn't a big deal...but you want to make sure he isn't feeling stupid because of what happened.

Briefly tell him it's normal what he was doing. That everyone does it and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Assure him that you wont be telling his mom because it is a private matter and she just doesn't need to know. Tell him you know he is embarassed but it isn't a big deal. It wont be brought up again. Let him know that you are there if he needs to talk about anything. End of story.

I wouldn't have a long drawn out conversation about it but let him know you are there for him, and he is a normal boy.

Answer 19

just tell him that what he is doing is normal.  However suggest that he locks the door next time he indulges.  Also tell him that you promise not to tell anyone.  It will be your guys's little secret.

Answer 20

come out and tell him that he's not in trouble and that your not going to tell his mom.  Let him know it's a normal thing.  To top it off, share an embarrassing story you may have had in the same situation.