I want Adoptions and she doesn't?

Question

Hi my gf had an unexpected pregnancy but i am not ready to be a father so i wanted to give the baby up fpr adoption but she is not ready to give it up for adoption and i don't know what to do please i need help/

Answer 1

I understand that you are in a really hard position right now, but you have to understand the damage that adoption can do.  Particularly if your girl friend does not want to give the baby up.  Do you really want her, and your baby, to suffer for the rest of their lives because you aren't ready to be a father right now?  Imagine for a minute that you had to be raised by strangers.  Walk through the mall, and look at people, pick out the most different from you couple you can find, and imagine how you would feel if they had adopted you.  How out of place you would feel in their family.  Now imagine that YOUR baby gets adopted by those people.  It happens, adoption isn't perfect, and a lot of the time it causes a lot of pain.  

Your girl friend wants to keep her baby, in the end, it is her decision, and her decision alone.  You can choose to step up and be a man and support her and YOUR child, or you can choose not to.  But do not try to force her to do something she does not want to do, for her, and your baby's sake.

Answer 2

There is not much you can do you both have to agree to adoption to place the child. If you really don’t want to be a daddy then you can sign your parental rights away.

Answer 3

If she decides to keep the child you are obligated to 18 + years of child support, so you need to step up and deal with your responsibilities.

Answer 4

You Pathetic a*****e! How dare you know that you are the parent of a child and have a chance to be here and you rather give the baby up for an adoption. How can you sleep at night knowing your baby isn't in your girlfriends arms. If I was her I'd leave your *** and take care of my baby by myself. You do need help GROW UP!!!!!

Answer 5

Well, you need to stand up and be a man now and help support the baby. You can't just have s*x and not deal with consequences. Grow up.

Answer 6

No matter what you are still a father. Grow up and take care of your responsibilities . If she wants to keep the baby then good for her. Dont try and force her into giving it up for adoption or else she will resent you for the rest of her life. You were man enough to have s*x without protection now be a man and take care of that baby!

Answer 7

Wow.

If this was a woman, everyone would be practically shoving the "loving choice" down her throat.

Ironic, isn't it?

Answer 8

well thank you for knowing that Ur not ready 1st if the "mother" puts your name on the child birth Cerf. then you have to pay child support and i think I'M NOT SURE but if y'all ain't married then no child support . 2nd .let her know how you feel about this (please do not make her have an abortion) it like taking a gun to her head and yours that Child is half her and hers!!!!! If you were not ready then why did you have s*x????? Choices are yours the result your life.

Answer 9

you made your choices when your pants hit the floor.  Suck it up, and support her in her choices now.

Answer 10

If you're not sure, don't let it happen.  It's permanent.

Answer 11

Smart woman. Selfish man.

Answer 12

While I do understand you want to have a say in this decision, ultimately it is her decision.  If you don't want to be a part of this, that's too bad.  But I suppose it's your right to walk away.  What isn't your right is telling her what to do.  If you try to make her give this child up, she will likely resent you for the rest of her life.  Whether or not you actually break up, any chance at a healthy relationship is likely over at that point.  

You do need help.  You should seek some counseling and educate yourself about this incredibly difficult and complex situation.  

The worst thing you can do is try to make her give this child up.  Don't do it.  If she wants to parent, she should.  She knows that.  If you aren't prepared to deal with her decision, then you shouldn't have gotten involved.

Answer 13

Congratulations! You are now a father - and your girlfriend is now a mother. I hope the two of you don't decide to place your new baby for adoption - it doesn't make your fatherhood "go away" and your child will always love you for stepping up to the plate and taking responsibility.

That said, you will always be this child's father whether or not YOU choose to parent. I hope that you will support your girlfriend in her desire to raise your baby. If you don't perhaps she'll find someone who will. Please, do not pressure her into giving away the baby that the 2 of you created. Do start talking to people (family and friends) who can help you figure out how best to raise this child financially and emotionally.

Answer 14

it takes to to tangle u both need to sit down and talk and come to a decision dont force her to do sumthin is doesnt wwant to u know talk about it or get a consuler and talk good luck

Answer 15

you both need to have a group meeting with both families, talk about what is getting ready to happen, it helps to get everybody involved, you all are family now.

Answer 16

my question is how can you d this to your own flesh and blood. that is sad. just explain to the baby when you are old that you didn't want him and that you were willing to give him away. i think even your girlfriend would be upset. why cant yu have anther in your life. they are so loving and its great and great to be a dad. they make life worth living. well talk and then if you can talk her into good luck

Answer 17

It's not just your decision. It's not a decision at all, it's a life form. If she doesn't want to give it up you have no right to make her. You should think about your decisions and realize they have consequences.

Answer 18

So sign away your parental rights. You can't force the mother to place the baby for adoption. Just as you can't force her to have an abortion. The only thing a father can force is a mother NOT to place her baby for adoption.

Answer 19

I don't think you will find any support for your stand here.  Get ready to pay child support until your child is 18 at least.  Next time use some effective birth control or have your gf get an abortion...its a lot cheaper.

Answer 20

*Don VIto* You can act like a man! *Don Vito*

OK all sarcasm aside, you have no right to try and force an adoption. Also it is not your decision, it is hers. Adoption is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I do know that if she were to do this, she would suffer for the rest of her life, and your child will suffer.

So you don't want to be father? Well you can walk away from her and your child, that would be easy wouldn't it? (Can you say Welcome to the Deadbeat Dads club boys and girls?) Or you can be in her life and support her in her decision, as well as support your child. Child support is not optional by the way, in most states there is mandatory DNA testing done when a support petition comes before the state and the putative father denies paternity. You will have to pay that support whether you stay with the mother or not, UNLESS you terminate your parental rights. Doing that is not as easy as it sounds either. You had s*x, either you used no birth control or it failed. Either way you need to be responsible and step up to the plate.

There is no need to have a family meeting, truly it is not a family decision just as it is not your decision. It is her decision, so live with the consequences of your own actions and yes, Act like a man, and not a little boy who isn't getting what he wants.

Answer 21

Time to be a man, dude.

Next time keep your ding dong in your pants.

Answer 22

Kudos to you for admitting that you are not ready to be a father.  However, this is why birth control is extremely important.  You did not give your age, but if you are old enough to have s*x, then you should also be old enough to understand what "could" happen and take precautions so that it does not.  

I hate to say this, and while I do believe a father has a "say" in some things, I must admit that when it comes to the mother and her pregancy/your child, it is ultimately her choice.  It is her body, her motherhood, and you cannot "force" her into anything.  

You may be able to sign away your parental rights as others have suggested.  My godson's father did that and the mother was fine with it.  Unfortunately, for my godson though it means that he will never know his bio father as the father will not acknowledge him in anyway.  It is sad.  

Adoption is a good choice only when two parents agree that it is the plan they want to make for their child.  No one should be coerced into doing something they do not want to do.  If your girlfriend chooses to have and raise this child, I would hope that you would support that choice and be involved with your child's life.  If you decide to walk away from the responsibility, please at least take the time to write your child a letter so that he/she has at least some information once he/she turns of age and can begin to look for you.  

Good luck.

Answer 23

Get a paternity test and then pay child support for the next 18 years