I want and am ready to have a child, and he isn't?

Question

My boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half, we have been living together for 6 months. I am 32 and he is 33. He was married for 10 years and has a child. I love him very much and I know he loves me, we are in a very serious relationship. I have brought up the fact that I want and am ready for a child, and he on the other hand isn't. Believe me I know that in comparison we have only been together a short time, but in this short time, we our relationship has reached many levels. I am well aware that I can wait and have children in my 40's, but by no means do I want to wait that long. I really would love to have a child now, and Im just really struggling with this, because I don't want to keep hanging on and the years past. At this point age is a factor for me because I have a certain plans and age does play a role in that. But forcing him or giving him an ultimatum isn't an answer either. I need some good advice.

Answer 1

I think you should seriously talk with eachother about what you both see in your futures together and what you both want out of your lives. Be totally straight up and honest with eachother.

It may be that he just needs a few years, or that he actually doesnt want kids at all. Clearly if having a baby is important to you - which it is, then you really need to know where he stands. You need to explain your position and make him aware of the time pressure you are feeling. Of course he can have children later in life and its no problem.. its not so easy for women to do that, which just adds to the time pressure.

Your right about not forcing him or giving him an ultimatum - bad idea.. but you really do need to know where exactly he sees the two of you in 10 years from now.. his future plans. And he needs to know yours.

From there the two of you can make some decisions, compromising if necessary.

:)

Answer 2

You can't force him sweetie. You need to be respectful of his wants and needs right now. Understandably you're getting older but that is no reason to rush parenthood just because you want it and have to have it now.

Have a heart to heart with him and LISTEN to him. After a failed marriage and one child already he may just be scared to go through it all again. On the other hand, he may also realize that a year and a half is just too soon. You can wait a few more years. Do not push the issue just to try and satisfy selfish wants.