I want answers from adopted kids only!!?

Question

if you had the choice would you had wanted your biological parent to keep you or are you happy with being adopted. im just wondering because im considering adoption for my unborn child...im 15

Answer 1

I was adopted as an infant after spending 3 months in foster care.  I love my adoptive family, so it's hard to say this, but I wish my mom had kept me.  The sense of loss and emptiness I have felt my whole life has held me back from being who I truly am.  I feel like I might never know that person, the person I would have been if I hadn't been busy trying to be the perfect child.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to live up to the "being here for a reason", "a gift", "chosen" and "special" girl.  

This is different for everyone.  Some feel a primal wound, some don't.  Some don't feel it until they are much older or having children of their own, some may never feel it.  Maybe things are different with open adoption, my records are sealed away.  

I don't hate my biological parents for putting me up for adoption.  They did what they thought was best.  They didn't have the support of their families to parent me.  Hopefully you have that support and you can give your baby a life full of joy and happiness.

*On a side note, she asked for answers from adopted kids only, why are non-adopted people answering?  You can't base your answer on knowing an adoptee.  You only know what they are telling you, not what they feel deep down inside.  I wouldn't tell anyone who knew my family that I wish I wasn't adopted!  That would hurt them and I would never want to do that.

Answer 2

I personally have had to deal with many issues caused by my adoption and am still struggling with these issues. I've recently met both of my biological parents and, although I know they wouldn't have stayed together and I think my bio mom regrets having me, part of me still wishes they'd kept me.

If you really want to do adoption, perhaps you could do an open adoption. That would probably help the child deal with some of the adoption issues.

Some adopted kids are fine with being adopted (my adopted brother doesn't care about his biological family and seems fine about it all) but others (like me) find it difficult to deal with.

You need to remember that adoption is for life. You won't get your child back when you're older. Even after reunion with my bio parents, they still don't feel like my parents.

Good luck to you and your child.

Answer 3

I am adopted and knew my bio Mother, I was glad she was unselfish enough to give me up for adoption and will always be grateful she loved me enough to do that,and I know it was the hardest decision she ever had to make, but she did what would be best for me. I had wonderful parents who were able to give me a better life, they were older and settled in life.

Answer 4

my birth mother gave me up at 2 yrs of age i still had my father though but his new wife adopted me my biological mother tried to be in my life at 4 but i thought she was a stranger and would not let my dad go (i was told by my father)then at 18 she came back into my life again im sorry but i cant stand her my dad never said anything bad about her so it was fed into my head but i just think shes stupid she annoys me and trys to play like she had reasons for give me up but to me her reasons suck i dont like her and i dont want nothing to do with her now im 23 with a 2 yr old and she thinks shes going to be called grandma nope not gonna happen my mom who raised me my whole life is the grandma and thats it its i know your young but never give your child away its hard on them mentally  no matter what age they are they are going to know and think that is was something they did its was hard for me so id say in my opinon keep your baby and love it you will regret give it away later

Answer 5

It depends on the circumstance. I was better off being adopted, because I needed surgeries that my birth parents couldn't afford. If you think your baby will be better of with a different family, you should consider adoption.

Answer 6

i found out i was adopted when i was 15 and i had a lot of mixed feelings but my parents were my parents i love them they gave me the best life i could ever want. I did wonder though why my birth parents gave me up for adoption. But never did i think that i wish my parents weren't my parents. that is all i knew i was adopted right at birth.  My parents told me she was very young and the father wasn't in the picture and she just couldn't do it money wise or maturity wise either she was 15 as well. I don't hate my birth mother for this desion i think she did what she thought was best for me and her. I think sometimes about wanting to find them my parents said they would help me.

Answer 7

A child adopted early knows no difference. I never met my real parents, and never really wanted to. They chose to leave me, and my parents treated me like their child.

I would not have even known I was adopted until they told me when I was older.

Answer 8

I am 39 yrs old--I was put up for adoption straight out of the hospital and went to a foster home at 10 days old.  I was fortunate enough to be adopted by that same family when I was 14 months old.  1st let me explain--I am 1/2 black and 1/2 white, adopted by an all white family.  When I was in 1st grade, kids were telling me I was an indian due to my darker complexion.  I went home and asked my mom if I was an indian--she sat me down and told me why I was darker, and that I was adopted and explained it so well that all I said was "oh, okay"--that was it.

I had an extremely wonderful childhood and family--and still to this day don't wish I would have ever had a better life anywhere else.  

I had to find my "bio" mother when I was 19 due to a medical issue, and found out that I even have a 1yr younger "1/2 brother"--I did meet my grandparents and spoke to my "bio" mother on the phone--I can tell you--that family never felt like my own family did to me.  

My only suggestion is that if you give up your child, send as much medical history and family information that you can about your family and the fathers family--it will really help.

Other than that--I want you to know that I never felt as if my mother didn't love me--especially since I have my own--she must have loved me more than the normal mother--she gave me a life that she didn't think I would have had otherwise (with her).  I commend you and I will be praying for you to make the decision that is best for you and your baby, whether that is with you or not, only you can answer!

If anyone gives you a hard time about your decision if you decide to put your baby up for adoption--just tell them you are doing it because of how much you love it.

Good luck and God bless you and your baby!

Answer 9

Well I am not sure I can say that I would have preferred to stay with my bio mother, thats because I am not a friggin clairvoyant who can tell myself what my life would have been like with her!! OMG

I wasnt aware I was adopted until I was 10, so I never knew anything at all. Those who are saying that they knew they would have been better off with the bio, are in my eyes clutching at straws. Its impossible to know what life would have been like. Just live the one you have.

Just my opinion.

Answer 10

I honestly do not know.  If I had the preference, as an infant, I would have preferred to stay with my mother.  She was all that I had known.  If you have the support of your parents and family, raise this child.

Answer 11

I was adopted as an infant.  

I love my adoptive parents.  

But, in my heart of hearts, does part of me wish my first mom had kept me?  Yes.  And I know she regretted the decision for the last 30-some years, too.  We both felt like something was missing from our lives until we found each other.

This question is a source of a great deal of tension for me.  I do not want to be disloyal to my adoptive parents.  But part of me does wish I had been kept.

I'm not mad at my first mom for not keeping me.  But I wish she had.  And I have had my share of struggles because she didn't.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 12

Here's the thing.  It's different for everyone.  Some people feel that being adopted as an infant didn't have much of an effect on their lives.  Others feel it did.  So, there's no guarantee about how affected, non-affect or to what degree your child will feel.

As far as being able to stay with my natural family, sure I'd have like if circumstances had allowed for that.  It's sad when a family can't stay together.

But, I had a good relationship with my amom (she passed away,) and I'm glad to have had her in my life as my amom.  My adad, on the other hand, was abusive toward her, my brother and me, so I'm not thrilled with him having been my afather.  Adopted or not, you don't have any control over what type of people your parents will be, so that's just what I personally got.  Others had both really good aparents.  Again, this is different for everyone, too.

If you want to parent and you can get the support you need to do so, then go ahead with that.  If you decide on adoption, you might see if there are family members who can adopt before looking to non-family.

eta:

Carol S. left an answer that does several things that are unsavory, but one of the biggest is that is only PRESUMES that adoption guarantees a terrific family.  Adoption guarantees  being raised by a different family.  Whether it is a good family or not cannot be known.  There is no guarantee of a good family, adopted or not.  I've known adoptees who have really good parents.  I had one good parent (mom) and one not so good.  I've known others who were adopted and raised by drunkards and worse.  Just like there are some bad biological parents, there are some bad adoptive parents.  Let's be realistic here.

Also, Carol S has absolutely NO idea how any first parent will later feel about relinquishment.  Some feel it's the best decision they made for themselves and their child, others regret it and live the pain.  Again, there's no guarantee.

As far as giving a desperate couple a child, well, that's no one else's responsibility.  

I'm truly appalled by Carol S and her response to this young woman.

Answer 13

My mother was adopted and she's never wanted to know her biological parents.  Her adoptive parents were her parents (she was adopted as an infant), so they are all she ever knew.  She's fine with that.

My youngest brother is adopted (also adopted as an infant).  He knows who his biological mother is and has a relationship with her, but still refers to his adoptive parents as his parents (he's only 13).  She's simply his biological mother.  He's glad that he's in a home with two parents that are capable of giving him everything he needs.  His biological mother just wasn't/isn't able to do that.  It doesn't make her a bad person.  Just a smart one for choosing to do what was best for her son.

Answer 14

Adoptee here......

If given the choice I would have stayed with my biological mother hands down 100% no questions asked.

And this isn't because I didn't get all those things that Carol claims adoptees get - nope, no college education, no wonderful wedding, no trust fund - oh, and definitely no life-long support - geez - I didn't know adoptees get all those things. Oh, I also got INSECURITY from feeling like I wasn't worth being kept.

Anyway, nope, not because I didn't get those things but because of what I lost - my mother - my one and only mother.

At least I have her now but that doesn't make up for the 36 years we were separated.

Answer 15

God Bless You for considering adoption.  We adopted my beautiful daughter almost 20 years ago.  I know that at times she feels a loss, that our family is not "her" family.   You will be giving three gifts - one to the family that desperately wants a child and can provide life long support, a college education, a wonderful wedding, and a trust fund for the grand kids.  Your second gift will be to your child who will know love, security and maturity from her parents.  And your third gift will be to yourself and to society - you will be able to grow up yourself, get an education, get a good job and marry and have children in a stable environment.  You'll be able to know a fuller, deeper life.  

You might get lucky in the future and be able to provide all these things for another child - one you can keep and provide a strong, stable base for a successful life.

We don't know your circumstances,   but perhaps God has put you in this place for a reason - to give the greatest gift of all.

Answer 16

43 y.o. kid here!

I would have preferred to stay with my MOTHER.

We both are still sad that this wasn't possible in the early 1960's.

We are reunited, and have been since 1988.  But I will never be her baby, and she will never be my mommy.  That's gone.

Please keep your kid.

Check this stuff out:

http://www.nancyverrier.com/pos.php

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

http://www.origins-usa.org

A study of adoption:

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/w...

ETA:  I just have to respond to the claim laid by the selfish adoptive parent who can't possibly speak for any adoptee.  She said

"can provide life long support, a college education, a wonderful wedding, and a trust fund for the grand kids."

HA! I got NONE of the above, and have been working since I was 13.  I know a lot of adoptees, and don't know ANY who did that 'well'.  There are NO guarantees in adoption.  I read about a situation recently where the adoptive couple were professional, the father a doctor.  He was very abusive, the mother got out of her marriage, poor, and obviously a single parent.  Is this what you want?  It was in a book called "If I am missing or Dead by Janine Latus for the doubters.  And 'open' adoption--they will tell you that, then cut you out!

Answer 17

Hiya Alex,

I've always known I was adopted - but I always felt different.

I didn't look or act like my adoptive family - and it just felt odd.

I love them to death - and I can't go back and relive my life differently - but my adoption didn't have to happen (my mother's mother forced her to give me away) and that makes me really sad.

I've now found my bio family - finally - after 38 yrs.

I do feel a profound loss - always have - from not being able to grow up amongst family that shared the same gene pool.

To finally see and talk to others that are so like me - is quite astounding - after not having it for so long.

But all those lost years can never be made up.

I know that my bio mother suffers greatly from giving me away.

(she was told to go home and never talk about it - she wasn't even allowed to grieve)

Don't listen to anyone who says adoption is a selfish or unselfish act.

This is about you and your child.

First - you need to talk to the father of the child and see what he wants to do. He may want to do nothing - but he has the right to know.

Then - you need to talk to your parents. See what support they can possibly lend.

Ultimately - the choice is yours. DO NOT let anyone talk you into anything.

If you really want to parent this child - you can do it.

There have been many teen mums before you that have succeeded.

What all children want - is to grow up with the parents that they were born to.

You are young now - but you won't be forever.

Adoption is a long term fix to a short term problem.

I wish you and your baby all the very very best.

Answer 18

Alex,

you are very young and have a lot of high school life ahead of you.  long nights of waking up with a crying baby; nights at home with baby while everyone else is at the prom; working after school to support the baby (if your mom or someone will watch the baby for free because daycare is expensive) while your friends are just hanging out.  It's tough being a teen mom and it sounds like you've already thought about all of that hence your feelings about adoption.

I am an adoptee and darn happy to be one.  My parents were not perfect but i wouldn't have it any other way.  I met my bmom and . . . well, . . . i'm glad i'm me raised by my parents with a love of life.  

nowadays, you have options in adoption -- you can choose the parents and choose how much, if any, openness you want (but please remember, your child will become their child and they have sole custody and rights to decisions re: medical, education, discipline, etc).

do you have the support of your family -- both financially and otherwise?  who will watch the baby while you're at school?  You can not, under any circumstances, drop out of school -- you must graduate and strive for more, whether or not you keep your baby.

good luck.  You're in a tough situation right now so i hope you have a strong family support to help you through this and beyond.

Answer 19

a little bit of me says yes. But i have a great life, and i know the type of life my b-mom lead. It wasn't a very good life style,that is why she gave me up. I'm not saying that your lifestyle is bad, you are only 15, so you are just young. The decision is up to you, so talk it over with family or a close adult you can trust. Either way only you can choose what is best for your child.

Answer 20

Every baby wants his/her mommy.  You are already bonded and baby does not yet know he is a separate entity.  He needs and wants only YOU.

It's called nature

PS.  The lady who is telling you that you are only a vessel to produce babies for folks who can't have them (and God put you thre)  is a sandwich short of a picnic!  LOL

Answer 21

It was much better for me and my sister to be adopted. We were looking forward to a dead-end life and that all changed.

It was kinda weird to go from a poor, shabby existence with our biological mother to an orphanage and then 5 years later to a family. We had to "unlearn" a lot but our adoptive family were all wonderful - I remember my older sister socking a guy who got too rough and physically abusive in making fun of my Welsh accent.

So, yes, I am much happier being adopted. My sister often said the same thing - she died about 5 years ago and I miss her - I do not miss our biological mother at all and never knew who fathered us.

Answer 22

I have a seven year old niece that is adopted.  Still you.  

My daughter is seven also, her dad died

She sees her parents, and if one were to died, like her uncle, than she will be with out one.  That scars her, she is fine about the adopted part.  She did ask if my daughter was adopted, she said, I do not know, what is adopted.

I know my seven year old niece is more concern that if her uncle could died, could one of her parents.  She is happy with her parents

Some people never fit in with one family.  I am the odd one out.  Some people just never fit in.  In my case, it's all in my head.  If i were adopted, some would say, it's because of that

I would say, look into adoption, talk to people who want to adopt.  Trust your heart.  If you are unable to do it, go with you instinct.  If you know it's the best, go with that.

You can change your mind, in the hospital, after you gave birth.

Best of luck

There is not right answer here

I can tell you, your baby could be an answer to someone else pray

Answer 23

I am fifteen and I found out I was adopted on my 15th birthday, which was in November.  It really shocked me because I look ALOT like my mom and dad.  We all have blond hair, and pointy, noses.  My adoptive parents have given me the best life possible.  If adoptive parents were as good to me as mine are, I would think every adoptive child would want to stay with their adoptive parents...but my biological parents died in a train wreck, so I guess I have no choice.

Answer 24

My cousin was adopted as a baby and her mom kept up with the biological parent for quite a while. Sending her pictures and keeping her updated. However, the biological mother eventually lost contact after the child was about 5 or so. Mary knows she is adopted and is very ok with that. She wouldn't have her life any other way. She is now 18. I say if you are unable to give a child a full life, give it to someone who can care for it. There are a lot of people who want children and cannot have them. You do what you feel is right for yourself and your baby.