I can REALLY use some insight into my situation.... This is kind of long and I REALLY appreciate you taking the time to answer!!
I am literally going INSANE! ALL I can think about is having another baby! He goes back and forth on his answers and never really gives me a straight answer, one minute he's saying let's make a baby the next he says we can't afford another child (which I think is c**p....we had been raising his nephew for almost 5 years until his mother decided to take him back, so why can't we have another child of our own?) I cry a lot, I see pregnant women and feel so envious, I get upset especially when I see mothers i know should NOT have children and have TOO MANY, and I can't just have one more!? we are in my opinion good parents, we teach our son good values and I feel we can make a good man out of him!! I want to have 2 children, I wanted them to be close in age so they could go to school together, I have 10 siblings between my mom and dad, and have not grown up with ANY of them, I was pretty lonely as a child, and I just wanted my son to have a sibling close to his age, Kaden turned 3 on the 31st of may, and I just feel like the longer we wait, the farther apart they will be, and I guess that's not such a bad thing, but I also wanted to go back to work after I got the children off to school, and now i'm going to have to wait even longer because our son will most likely be in school by time he decides it's the right time...... I'm just SO FRUSTRATED! I am on the pill, but i asked him if i could stop taking it after last month and he got upset and didn't say anything but his attitude told me it was a NO.......I keep thinking I'm pregnant for MONTHS now and it's getting ridiculous, I think I want a baby so bad it's all in my head, I just don't know how to keep my mind off of it... EVERY TIME I stop thinking about it so much, he says something like "lets make a baby" part of me HONESTLY wants to just get pregnant without his consent (OHH BUT THAT IS SO EVIL right?!) I want to be honest with him, but his lack of communication is making it so much worse on me... I keep asking him and he will NOT say yes or no that's all i want a simple NO! or YES!! I am having baby with drawls like CRAZY! and it's pretty much all I can think about!! I feel it is consuming my everyday life at this point isn't this SAD!? Does anyone else feel like this? or have an idea of what I should do.... I just don't understand him.... he did tell me at one point he doesn't think i can handle a second kid which is CRAZY!! we had his nephew and his nephew had a lot of emotional issues and was causing me a LOT of stress, but now that he's gone, everything around here has settled down and I just think if it is our own child it would be different, of course I'm going to get frustrated, isn't that part of being a mom? especially one that stays home 24/7 with NO BREAKS at all (i have no one i can trust to give me breaks) and I try not to complain! I appreciate that I can be with our son, and that he can support us.... I just don't know..... what do you think?? I Thank you for your time and opinion!!
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