I want kid(s), he doesn't...?

Question

I'm 34 and he's 46. I have always wanted children but years have gone by and the older I get the more reluctant I am. Which makes me understand why my fiance' doesn't want any. He already has 2, one is 22 and the other 17. He thinks he's too old and I've even considered that myself because of my age. There are times when I've accepted that the circumstances or "fate" has told me that it's not meant to be. But I just can't get past it. I want to have children. I love my fiance more than anything, but I don't know what to do. Anyone have any advice? I'm worried that I'll eventually hold resentment against him even though I know his wishes.

Answer 1

for a start your not to old, my mum was 37 when she has my little sister.

my mum is now 49 and the coolest mum ever, and i dont think its about how old you are when u choose to have a family its about whether or not you feel the time is right,

having a child is the best thing that could ever happen to a woman, the feeling of holding your baby for the first time after carrying him/her for 9 months is amazing, and i dont think you should sacrifice this happiness, Sit down and tell your partner how much you want a child and that you dont want to lose him, tell him that this could be your last chance to become a mother and ask him if he remembers the first time he held his baby how did he feel, tell him you want that feeling.

And if he cant understand how you feel. then maybe this is not the man that you are supposed to spend your life with.. . as the love of a child never fades.

good luck in what you choose. x

Answer 2

If you seriously want kids, then find yourself a new partner before you tie the knot. So many people foolishly commit to marriage thinking they can convince their partner to change their view on this (or other important differences) and end up regretting the marriage for the rest of their life.

If you have to marry him, then accept that you will never have kids. It's that simple.

Answer 3

You're right with your worries, think about your own happiness for a moment, he has already chance at kids and you haven't so if he loves you enough and you him, both of you can meet a comprise.  

Answer 4

You may hold resentment to him... mostly likely sadly. If you want children and he is stopping you that is a HUGE thing. Maybe talk about adoption... the struggles of trying to get pregnant when you are a little older wont be there. And if hes worried about an infant you could adopt a toddler. Yes I will say he may be a little bit older then the average dad but that doesn't mean he can be one. He may be worried about his age becuase when your child turns 18 he will be in his early 60s. that's scary for a father... or any parents to no see there child grow older. really sit him down and tell him that you want a child. And that you love him with all your heart but if you cant have children together it may be a breaker for your relationship. don't use it as something to make him have a child but rather as a fact. A child is a huge and wonderful part of your life. and making the decision to have on or not changes everything. in the end its up to you... if you want a child have a child... just remember you may not have your man by your side in raising it.  

Answer 5

Do you have any kids? If not you two really need to sit down and talk about this! If you want a child and he doesn't you may start to blame him which can lead to you both being unhappy!

Answer 6

having kids, especially at that age makes you feel younger and fills your home with life.

talk to him, persuade him into it. tell him of all the benefits and little smiles they will bring you. talk about him letting you experience motherhood, at least with one child. he wont regret it once he sees the little angle.

you deserve to have what you want in life. living it and simply dreaming of something you never had is pointless. talk to him. show him couples with  new born infants. have him hold a baby. h**l soften up. good luck hun.

Answer 7

my advice dont have kids because you will be the one to deal with everything if hes not willing to now when the child is older he wont then either

Answer 8

you have to decide what is the more important for you .your wish to have children or the love you have for your fiance.i know it not an easy decision but if he wont change his mind. whatever decision you decide you must stay 100% behind it.if you decide to stay with him you can`t at a later date throw it back in his face.have you explained to him that he knows what it like to have his own children and you what to have the same feelings yourself.also do you want children for children`s sake or do you want children because they would be your fiance children?only you know the answer and which is the most important for you. maybe writing a pro /con list might help.

Answer 9

You are going to have to decide which is more important to you,  having children or your fiance.   If you have children he doesn't want, it will cause you problems and if you continue the relationship and don't have the children you want to have, that will cause you problems.  Tough decision but it's one you will have to make.  If  man doesn't want to have children, or MORE children, he will resent it if you get pregnant and your life will be miserable, IF he sticks around.