I want my biological father out of my life & need advice?

Question

My biological father was a part of my life until about 10 years ago when we started drifting apart. It wasn't much more than I was becoming an adult and didn't keep in contact as frequently. Obviously, neither did he. I am 30 years old now, married and pregnant (and I don't believe he knows about either, but I could be wrong), and I received a phone call from him for the first time in 3 years this week. I have decided that I don't want him in my life any longer. I have no ties to him, I don't have any emotions about him and I don't really feel anything for his family or children. My mother was remarried when I was 5 and I was raised by my step-father, with whom I am very close. I just don't appreciate my real father trying to step in after all these years. I don't even think he knows who I am. I know everyone is going to say "But he's your father, you need that relationship" but it never was a relationship. He would pick me up on visiting day, drop me off at my grandmother's house, or after he had children I would babysit, and he would fall asleep until it was time to take me home. I understand his need to keep me in his life, but I'm not there. I also don't want to speak to his children. I don't know them and we couldn't be more opposite. They are also much younger than me, being 16 and 14.

I have taken actions to cut him out of my life but I thought that ignoring them all would have been the obvious answer. I now have to take more drastic measures. If anyone has advice, I would gladly take it! Thanks for your time and your help.

Answer 1

meet up with him for a coffee or something and tell him that you no longer want him in your life.

Answer 2

What you hurt here. I think you should tell your father that.

good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds like you've already drifted apart, relationships take effort so if you make none then they will fizzle out without you having to take any drastic action. Why not just leave it as it stands. I agree, you have no need to make the effort to work on this relationship but why not just let sleeping dogs lie and leave the door open in case you change your mind in future.  

Answer 4

I'm 48 and my ex walked out 4 another woman.i do or fell the same way as you do, also i  don't blame you for not wanting him in your life after all the years he never bothered to see you  .I hate my ex cause he has his own life with her and her 2 girls and doesn't give a stuff about our 2 kids 17 and 19 plus the 17 son hates him and doesn't want to have anything to do with him and my daughter hates him also plus my kids dont want anything to do with him, her or her kids and my son said they will never be a part of his life and my daughter will not invite him to her engagement party or her wedding  and since he has walked out of our lives we have been happier.i hope my ex rots in h**l as he deserves it and so should your dad . you have a very caring, loving step-dad that is proud to own you and treat you as his own also plus you love him as a dad even the saying goes blood is thicker than water some things aren't all that true. give the bio dad a flick as you will always have a step dad you can call him DAD.

Answer 5

You should just tell him and give him the reasons why. As for your siblings chances are they won't be too involved in you life because of the age difference. You could also move away but you should not have to. Tell him you don't want him in your life, that there never was a real relationship, and you do not want one now. Tell him your stepfather is your dad. Also understand that if ever you need him later don't expect him to be there. i.e. a transplant. Your children might end up finding out about your bio-father and may want a relationship with him as they get older. I have an uncle on my fathers side that no one associates with because he is a thief and has ripped off so many people even his own kids but we still talk to him occasionally because he is the only uncle that calls us semi - regularly.  

Answer 6

He still your father.

Answer 7

if theyre mature and responsible adults/young adults. just telling them shud be enuf.

Answer 8

I completely understand your feelings. One of my very good friends is in a similar situation. She absolutely hates her biological dad, and she does very well showing that. She's graduated from college, has a very good paying job, and out of the blues, he wants to reunite with her. Saying that "you're grown up now, we need to put the past behind and stop being immature." His real intentions are unknown. But you definitely should cut your dad out of your life. You never needed him for the past 30 years, why do you need him now? I'm having a hard time trying to cut my mother out of my life as well. I considered legally disowning her. Have you thought of that?