I want my ex back! What can I do?

Question

My ex and I broke up because he has feelings for his ex wife and wanted to try it again with her. He has been back with her for a month and I don't know how things really are with them. We still talk and email and have gone out for dinner a few times. The weird thing is he wants to help me out financially because he was supposed to move in with me. So he insists on giving "his share" of the rent. I don't understand any of it.

The problem I have is that I know we could be great together. While we were dating we had a lot of fun, but then it kind of stopped once his ex showed some interest in him. I learned how to be on my own and ended up doing a lot of things without him while he was with his ex and daughter. I feel as though he missed out on a lot of things with me and don't think we ever had a "real" relationship. There was too much pressure because of his feelings for her and we really didn't give it a chance.

I don't know what to do. He is with her now yet he keeps me hanging on. I have tried to leave him alone and have tried to move on, but it never works. For some reason we can't let go of each other, even though he is with someone else now.

Answer 1

He can't keep you hanging on - YOU are keeping yourself hanging on! Here is your sign:  He picked her, not you.  You know you have never had a relationship with this person.  Is she really even an "ex"? Do yourself a favor, have no contact with this man at all!  Do not accept  his cash, do not accept his calls, change your number, change all your contact information.  Once you cannot be reached, you will be able to move on, and the next person you meet will actually give you a real relationship.  You are his "plan B" in case the ex decides to dump him again, if that's good enough for you, then by all means, remain in your imaginary world.  But if you believe you are worth more than that (and you are!) then take all the steps necessary to rid yourself of this stone around your neck!

Answer 2

ermm idk :S

Answer 3

let go and move on

he is unsure of what he wants

and in my opinion he wants you both

Answer 4

Let him try to work out his marriage the best thing for you is to move on and cut all ties.  Every time you text, have dinner just serves to confuse you both.  He clearly loves his ex and has a child with her let them work things out.

Answer 5

Well of course he can't let go. Men will hang on to a dozen if they could. You, my dear, are a backup plan. If it doesn't work with the ex he knows he's got a place to park his car and to.......well a place. It's up to you to move on. Even if things worked for a while he's prone to going back. Life would be simpler without that third wheel.

Answer 6

People don't change..........................

Answer 7

Newsflash my dear: I'm sorry, while she may be his ex wife, she is not his "ex". They clearly have interest in each other, and his interest in her is a lot more than his interest in you. I'm sorry to be blunt, but you don't have a chance here. If he's going out with you for dinner as well on the sly, that's called "adultery". You really want to be with a man who's a cheat?

Leave this guy be, and find someone who wants to be loyal to you, and who you can like in return, without problems like this. It's good for your self esteem and self worth that you do so in the long run.

Answer 8

In order for you to get any type of closure you really need to be honest with him and tell him how you feel.  When you are truly ready to move forward with your life you won't try to include him anymore.  

In due time you truly need to move on and find someone who wants to be with you and be everything that you need.

Answer 9

Get some self esteem and self respect....and let the t**d go!  He is keeping you around so he will have a place to go when his ex throws his azz out once again....You are allowing yourself to be in this situation....Take control of your own life and leave the douche bag in the dust....

Answer 10

i didnt read all:)  but i can say that if he is with other girl never bother ,let them live happy

Answer 11

  It's fairly clear in this situation of what he wants & what he is doing, now if only you can see the writing on the wall. As a woman who has been down this road before, I'll tell ya what the truth is, & the truth is simple, he is right where he wants to be, with his ex, trust his actions not his words, what he does is what determines how this mess will turn out. You are also hurting yourself by also hanging onto something that will cause you to not grow as a person, you are keeping the drama going in hopes that he may or may not come back to you, dont do this, move on with your life. The best thing to do is to not have anymore contact with him, as it is giving him more power & control over you & your life. It is in his best interest & yours, to let this thing go! Show him that he cant have his cake & eat it to.

Answer 12

I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of your life as the other woman or his second choice.  What if he were to decide to come back to you?  Would you have the thought of him leaving you for her again in the back of your mind?  I'm sure I would.  You deserve someone who treats you like a star and puts you first above all others.  He isn't respecting you by dragging you along like he is.  He's having fun with because he is basically having his cake and eating it too.  Even though I know it's easier said than done, I think the best thing to do is to break it off completely.  Move on to someone who treats you right.  I'm sure once you move on he'll try to come back to you, but be strong and don't let him play the games with you anymore.

Best of luck and stay strong! : )

Answer 13

let go...

his child needs him... more than you need a date night.

Answer 14

if he left you for his ex but is still hanging with you, there is a possibility he will leave her for you again. just think of it this way, if it is meant to be, it will find its way back. i believe in that so much. and i know i sound like i am preaching but if it isnt meant to be, god has a different plan for you,he has someone better for you. you just have to find him. no no wait. he will find you. trust me!

Answer 15

Okay,honey,you need to talk to him straight out and demand if the relationship is really over or not.You can't keep living like that.If your ex doesn't even know who he wants,then he isn't worth it.Trust me,you have to put you foot down and demand an answer.Maybe he just went back to his ex because he has a daughter or something.It's okay to just be friends if you feel comfortable with that,but if you still have feelings for him and he wants to stay with his ex,then you need to move on.It's the right thing to do,I promise.What ever answer he gives you,you will feel relieved.A weight WILL come off you shoulders.

Good luck!! :)

Answer 16

I had something similar happen: I was separated and on my way to divorce, and I started dating a guy who was also separated.  He went back to his wife (whom he belittled constantly while with me) because he has kids with her.  Even when he was back with her, he kept in touch with me until I told him I'd found someone else.  That was the day he realized I wasn't sitting around waiting for him to leave his wife again. The thing is, he thought that, by staying in contact with me, I would be there if he decided to leave his wife again.  I have to say, it was very typical man behavior, keeping you hanging and ready in case he loses the relationship he obviously preferred.  That's what this guy is doing to you.  I think you need to finally just tell him you met someone else or come up with some other reason. He's using you, keeping you in isolation (ie, if you seem to want to keep up the relationship, he's pretty sure you're not going to date anyone else while he makes up his mind). If you don't want to be this guy's safety net, then it's time to throw off the proverbial chains. This guy will only end up hurting you more.  So, dump him, ignore his calls, block his email address, and seriously never speak to him again.  He is bad news. No matter who he ends up with, he's going to end up cheating on her. So, don't let that person be you.

Answer 17

Ok-so he is getting back together with his wife AND kid. Leave it alone-let him patch up his family. There is a child involved-don't be a homewrecker that is soooo selfish of you. Whether or not he has feelings for the both of you he is with her and hanging onto you as a security net so if anything goes wrong with his wife he can go back to you. Get away from him and let his family be happy-think about the kid.

Answer 18

tell you the truth if he don't want you then this question is point less

Answer 19

He is holding on to you just in case things do not work out with his wife.; IF you take him back you will always be second choice. This can be complicated as he just may have deep feelings for you but met you on rebound. In other words, he still had issues to resolve with her. He is still emotionally involved with her and even though he enjoyed the time he had with you his heart and mind were with her. This unfortunately has left you feeling hurt and discarded which can be painful for anyone. The noble thing to do is to stop seeing him all together. You are allowing him to have the pleasure of your company without any commitment to you. You are only holding on to a hope that he will one day leave her and come back to you. Just know that the likihood of this ever happening is nim. Even if he did come back to you his wife will always be in the picture and this will cause you much concern and jealousy, and I cannot say that I would blame you. Why not find a man that will love you and put you first? Otherwise you are settling for being second choice and no one wants that, do you?.  

Answer 20

I don't think you should ask for him back

he will just hurt you

I know how it feels

I wanted my ex more then anything

and she broke my heart

just move on

Answer 21

Leave him be.  He's with his REAL family now and they deserve a shot.  You'll have plenty of other chances at love.  Don't take his money.  

Answer 22

Or maybe he wants to to keep you on the side, that's why he wants to help pay for the rent and such.  Don't fall into that trap.

Answer 23

Did you try reverse cowgirl?

Answer 24

Just because you think it would work doesn't mean much. If he isn't willing to try then you have nothing to stand on. He obviously still cares for his family. Why would you want to carry on a relationship like that with a man who isn't even that into you?

Answer 25

he is keeping you on the side in case it doesn't work out with his ex. don't be naive. he is not doing this for your sake, it's for his. you are basically being kept on a shelf for his convenience. you have no need for someone with an ex wife who wants him and will be a thorn in your side if you ever do get him back, which i doubt. move on. this guy is manipulative.

Answer 26

Walk away and don't look back.  He is not being honest with his wife.  That should tell you something.  I'm sure she isn't aware that he is offering to pay 1/2 your rent.  Move on. It gets easier each day. You will find someone else and hopefully they will be available (not still stuck on their ex) to you.  Life's too short for all this drama. Quit obsessing over him and do him a favor and quit taking his phone calls and/or emails, text, etc.

Answer 27

Then enjoy him when he decides to give you a bit of time. He's made his choice. You're in second place. It's a hard place to be, but you're choosing to stay there. Yes, you'll miss him, but while you're waiting for him to call, other great guys pass you by because you're still stuck on him. He has the easy life. He's got the playing house thing going on and still has a booty call with you. He's got it made. You're the one sitting around wondering what is wrong with YOU and why he didn't pick YOU. Does it matter? Do you want to be the most important thing to someone or second? The decision is yours. Even if you pick to stay with him and wait it out, you're the one making the decision to stay waiting for him. Seems pretty silly from the outside looking in. It's hard, but I'd rather have pride than be the other woman.  

Answer 28

Seems like he's keeping you in the wings just in case things don't work out with his wife.

I would get that man out of my life!

Answer 29

There are plenty fish in the sea.

Answer 30

What I don't understand is how you can be happy playing second fiddle to his ex?  You need more self respect!  You weren't good enough for him, he went back to her and now you still want him back?  WAKE UP!!  Find a man that will put YOU first in his life, why would you want to wait for him to give up on her and settle for you?

Answer 31

Apparently he wants his cake and eat it too. Look he is not with you he choose to go back to her. You have to move on and that would start with letting him know that it is NOT okay to be with her and keep you on the hook. He needs to let one of you go.

You can let him go, you just don't want to right now but, do you want to wake up 4 years down the line and have nothing but maybe some promises? Especially when you could find someone who will show you the respect you deserve now.

Good luck in your decision, it is a tough one.