I want opinions about pulling my 11 year out to finish the year at home.?

Question

My daughter is 11, in Grade 6. She has friends that she maintains from previous schools but is having problems finding good friends at her new school - she started in September. All year we have worked on helping her with this. She is a good kid, empathetic, hardworking, kind, athletic, etc.. There is a couple of girls working to make sure that she has no friends. Her only friend is in that group and is too afraid to hang out with her at school so she is alone at recess and eats lunch at my friends house to avoid recess (something new we just started). She has missed a lot of school the last few years. I think that maybe we should just let her finish the year at home. Her older sister is finishing high school at home because of migraines caused by anxiety. I am a confident person as is my husband and my kids are successful outside of school - it is at school that is an issue. What do people think?

Answer 1

i think that you should go to the school and talk to the guidance counselors, teachers, and principals to get these girls who are tormenting your daughter to stop it. that should not be allowed in school. you should not pull your daughter out of school. she needs to learn how to deal with people like that. in the real world, she'll be dealing with people like this all the time except worse. dont let a few kids ruin this for your daughter. pulling her out of school may seem like a quick fix, but in the long run its not worth it.

Answer 2

Shouldn't you let her switch schools? That way, she can make new friends...

Answer 3

We pulled our then ten year old daughter out of school a few months before the end of the year when a classmate tried to choke her to death.  What are you waiting for?  Bruises?  Suicidal ideation?

Answer 4

It is good you are addressing the problem!  Some things to consider:

Will she be going to a new school next year (jr. high or middle school) - ie is this the last year of Elem for her?  If so - then maybe she can just try to finish out these last few months and look forward to a new start next year...

If she's in the school she'd be at for the next few years already, then would you have her start again next year or homeschool until HS?  Would she have to explain her absence, and would that make her more of a target to bullies?

I agree the first step is to talk to the school & get them to confront these bullies.  

However - if you are confident in homeschooling and that is a route your family wants to go, I don't see anything wrong with it.  I mean, really, as long as she gets an education and has a social life/social skills, she'll be fine.  

To those who say to "deal with it" - I agree that life is not always easy and there are bad situations we have to deal with, and bad people, and we can't always just run away, but school is NOT like real life.  Kids in school can be really cruel, and children can't just walk away.  They have to be in those classes, and they can't always stick up for themselves without getting in trouble for retaliation.  Bullies are sneaky and they make it look like the victim is the one causing the trouble, sometimes.  So school is not how our lives will be in the future - in real life (work, relationships, etc.) if your daughter was in a hard situation like this, she WOULD change jobs, change relationships, etc. so why can't she now?

Not really an answer as much as things for you to think about, but I'm sure you'll make the right choice for your daughter and she will be ok in the long run.  Remind her that school doesn't last forever and it gets better and she is better than the girls who feel the need to tease & bully.

good luck!

Answer 5

First off , as a mother myself, I know it must kill you inside to see your daughter hurt like this. I completely agree with the person who said that school IS NOT like real life. Many girls at this stage of development can be very cruel and deal verbal (and sometimes physical) blows that can destroy the fragile egos of other girls and leave scars for a life time. With many teachers overworked to differentiate instruction to bring students with a huge variance in performance to a level where they can pass critical standardized tests at the end of the school year, there is no time left for them to deal with the emotional aspects of social interaction of students. The school does not have the resources to protect your daughter psychologically at this important stage of development. Therefore, school is a breeding ground for this kind of developmental cruelty to others. Most girls will outgrow being emotionally destructive to other girls. So it will be a different set of skills that your daughter will need to deal with women in the workplace than she needs to deal with middle school girls. If your daughter is successful socially outside of school then it is clear she is able to get along with others. What she needs now is the mental peace and nurturing to make gains in her academics and discover her talents in order to know what career path would suit her in life. My advice to you would be to take all the facts at hand into consideration and choose the path for your daughter that will lead her to be the healthy and successful young woman that you know she can be.

Answer 6

A lot of really good answers...here's my two cents.

Talk to your daughter. See what she thinks about taking her out of school and about homeschool. Make sure she understands what homeschooling will mean.

Do NOT make it sound like her decision unless you ABSOLUTELY are going to go with what she says. Instead, tell her "Dad and I have been considering taking you out of school and homeschooling you instead. What would you think about something like that?" and be ready with any concerns.

Edit: Whoops, didn't read your additional details. Take her out. Talk to her about it, by all means, but if she can't handle this situation, trying to force it "just for a few months" (which is a large percentage of her life at that young age), will only make things worse. Respect her decision and explain how you will support her by switching to homeschool and start working out what that means right now...today is a good day to start.

Answer 7

I agree she should not be put into the situation she is in.  Would the new program she is going to in the fall allow her to start now?  If you are comfortable homeschooling, than go for it....if you are dedicated to it and she is willing, it will all work out.  There are lots of homeschool organizations and curricula to help you with whatever you need.