I want out of my brother-in-laws wedding! How do I do this?

Question

My brother-in-law is engaged to a girl I do not get along with. She has made several comments about not wanting me in the wedding and how she believes I want to ruin her day. I am a bridesmaid and I want OUT! My husbands family wants to me to "save face" and be in it, even though they all know she is wrong! They expect me to be the bigger person even though she is causing EVERYONE problems. What should I do?

Answer 1

Yup!

I had the opposite situation. I bent over backwards for my FI sister and she acted like a total ***, trashed me, and made a huge drama out of the dress (she was mad cause it made her calves look fat lol). So I was disgustingly sweet to her and eventually she caved, threw a fit and dropped out of the wedding. Now they all look at her with disgust and I look like a goddess. People are already asking why she's no longer in the wedding party. I just say that things weren't what she expected and she had to drop out for personal reasons, I get my revenge by putting her at a table with the cousins she hates most and flaunting what an awesome time my girls have with the wedding planning and all the incredible gifts they get on an ongoing basis.

Personally I wouldn't give her that much power by being upset and dropping out.

Kill her with kindness, works every time!!

Answer 2

Save face.

By stepping out, you will give her the upper hand by proving that she was right about you and yoru desire to ruin her wedding.

Be there, smile and keep your mouth shut.

Good luck

Answer 3

First off, remember how words can be twisted when passed from person to person. If these are second hand comments, she may have never even said it! Consider talking to her about it to see if it was mis-interpeted or even made up!

If she has said things directly to you, I would simply tell her that you don't think you can be there for her in the way that she needs on that day, and you think it would be better if you went as a guest. It sounds like she will happily accept you stepping down, but if she tries to be polite and tell you she wants you there, you can be firm and say it wasn't a suggestion, you will not be able to do it. If she has time to deal with it, I see no reason for you to suck it up and spend time and money when you won't even be making the bride happy by doing it! You have every right to step down as long as you do it in advance.  

Answer 4

would your brother be there when you need him, then I guess you should do the same...

Answer 5

She is going to get you out one way or another.

It is not "being the bigger person" to force your self to be in someones life who doesn't want you there.

You won't be saving face. It is her wedding. Tell your family that although you initially you were surprised that she had changed her mind you feel the only decent thing to do is honor her request that you not be in the wedding party.

The only way you can "ruin" her big day is by forcing your self on someone who doesn't want you there. If you want to "ruin her big day"

then refuse to acknowledge her wishes and

" go for it" stick you tongue out during pictures.

Put an AX in the wedding cake, Step on her train. Cut her veil.

Spill wine on her dress before the ceremony.

The nicest thing you can do is, send her a super sweet e-mail (that is also distributed to all the family you can send it to) telling her that you hope she has a perfect, wonderful wedding but "due to circumstances beyond your control" you are unable to be one of her attendants.

Bail!!!

Answer 6

How much time is there before the wedding date?  If you and the bride-to-be don't get along, how did you get asked to be in the bridal party in the first place?

Tell your brother-in-law that you think it would be best if you did not be a bridesmaid.   You can respectfully decline the offer to be in the wedding.  People in your bridal party are supposed to be those that will be there to support the bride and groom through their marriage.  If you can not do that, I would want you to get out of it.  

I just hope this isn't a last minute decision and you aren't leaving your brother-in-law in a jam trying to replace you.   Who knows...if you don't want to be in the wedding there is a good chance that the bride doesn't want you in it either.   It may be a win-win.

Answer 7

Be the bigger person.  Don't make it about you two not getting long.  Just ignore her snide comments and kill her with kindness.  

Answer 8

I agree with your in-laws.  Be the bigger person and show her how a person with maturity behaves.

Answer 9

If she doesn't want you in the bridal party............how did you make it in?  If it were me I'd just say "We both know that I'm not a welcome addition to your party so let's just call it a day and you can have someone you actually want stand for you?"  I'd have no problem with that.

I've been asked by people I do not care greatly for to be in their wedding and just said "No".  When asked why I tell them that I have a history of passing out when in a public display.

Answer 10

If you end up being the bigger person and just being all smiles about everything, people will think less of her because she's the bratty one. By stepping down, you might end up getting some of the blame.

I would sent this girl an e-mail or something (if you can't do it face to face) and just say, "I'm honored to be in your wedding, but you give me the impression you don't want me in it, which is fine. I'll step down, no hard feelings. I just want you to be happy on your wedding day."

Lay on the sweetness factor like crazy.