I want the marriage, but not the wedding?

Question

My fiance and I have been planning our wedding now for 7 months, it's a small wedding with only 36 guests, however, so many things have gone wrong that I'm tempted to just cancel the whole affair!

Special order dress came in the wrong color TWICE!

1st Photographer backed out due to personal problems..

2nd Photographer backed out because he felt overwhelmed..

The two different bakeries that we have had make sample cupcakes for viewing and tasting have been very dissappointing..

My one and only attendant, may or may not be able to attend the wedding, due to her fathers illness several states away..

These are just a few of the things that have been going on.

I'm just wondering... how many things have to go wrong before you just throw your hands up and say...ok..I give up...lets elope!

Answer 1

why don't you just get married by a judge and not have the big wedding.. and later on in your marriage when you think you're finally ready to deal with all the wedding drama, you can get re-married with a nice wedding.

Answer 2

Why not just have a pot luck with the 36 guests, and forget the rest of the trimmings.  And, don't worry about the color of the dress, as long as it fits you.  And, as far as those photographers, he felt "overwhelmed" with a small wedding?  Where did you find the person?  Did he drop out of photo school?  I suggest just the pot luck, and do nothing else.  With your luck, it will probably thunder and lightning and you will lose power in your reception hall the night of the party.  

Answer 3

Hey, it's still not too late to get things right... But there's nothing wrong with eloping, either. Although, it's probably not a good idea to do it solely out of frustration; think about it and decide what you would rather do. If you truly feel that you don't need all the trappings, then go for something totally informal; but I get the feeling that right now, you're just frustrated. Good luck; I'm sure things will work out, take a deep breath.

Answer 4

I've felt this way for a while. If it helps - the attitude I'm taking is that one day out of my life is a small price to pay for a marriage. Having the reception is a way to thank our families and friends for the support they have given us (and the financial supporty they're giving in gift form). My fiance (being the polite one) doesn't want to make a rude statement to our families by eloping, so he's being put in charge of most of the work. See if there's anyone you can ask for help with the work, get someone who would be disappointed if it wasn't there.

Also, I'm planning the wedding last, so I have something to look forward to when all this photographer and reception junk is done.

And you have my sympathy.  

Answer 5

why don't you look on www.theknot.com for a professional photographer, bakers and where to get a dress you ordered? that's number one. you can find almost everything you need there. as for your attendant and her father don't stress out. are you going to keep on changing your date for when your attendant is available ? not to be cold but if he's terminal he can be that way for another 5 years ( a friend of mine was just in the same situation and her fam member lasted 3years .well good luck with that!

Answer 6

It sounds like you are going to a lot of trouble for just 36 guests.

No matter how things go-just remember that the important thing is the marriage, not the wedding itself. No matter how you do it, or what goes wrong, at the end of the day you will still be married.

I think I would take all of the things that have happened to you as an omen that you should elope.

Best Wishes to you!

Answer 7

That's all part of planning a wedding. The only way to be done with the frustration is to elope which is why a lot of people do it that way.  I went through a lot of the same stuff. We were going to be married by a military chaplain and he got deployed 1 and a half months before my wedding date leaving me scrambling for some one to marry us. Plus my Maid of honor torn her ACL a few weeks before the wedding and was unable to be in the wedding, My brother in law to be couldn't get off work, My brother couldn't take leave from Afghanistan and on my wedding Day the bridesmaids bf forgot to bring her skirt to the church leaving her wearing a black slip that my wedding planner pulled off of herself and gave to my friend so she wasn't left in PJ pants.

All in all it was fun though and everyone says it was wonderful so just relax a little and remember you'll only do this once (hopefully) and use that to decide if it's worth it.

Answer 8

If you're not enjoying the process, I would say just elope.  Planning your wedding shouldn't be so stressful that you don't enjoy any of it.  

Maybe you could do a destination wedding so that you can invite some of your closest friends/family.

Answer 9

If you want to have a small wedding, I suggest you look for a small venue that is already a beautiful spot, such as a historic home in the area (many can be rented out very cheaply for weddings), or a private or botanical garden. Many cities offer home tours of beautiful houses in the area, and some homeowners would be glad to open their doors for your special event. The last think you want is some large, impersonal hall that you would have to fill with expensive decorations, any of which could arrive in the wrong style or color.

As for the food, you might not know it, but Publix makes very tasty cakes, and serves custom food platters. It would be simple, inexpensive, and tasty.

Next, it might be a good idea to have another friend or family member be your attendant. If you original friend is able to make it, let her be involved in the wedding somehow, but you need someone by your side that your are sure will be there.

The more complicated you make your wedding, the more things that can go wrong. Besides the venues I have suggested, look for places that already have natural beauty, such as a church with interested architecture, or places that already have chairs, plates, glasses, etc., on hand.

Photographers are tricky...these two are obviously a bit flaky. Ask friends and family who they have used in the past. Another way to go is call your local college and talk to some photography students with ready-made portfolios. Since they are just starting their careers, they will be eager to do a good job for you at a very reasonable price.

Lastly, if you don't have your heart set on a special order dress, check out a retail store like David's Bridal. Don't take an "All or Nothing" approach, either having everything perfect, or having nothing at all. You can get an elegant gown, try it on in the store, and leave with the confidence you will look beautiful.

I really hope everything works out for you. Keep it simple and elegant, and remember that your guests will have a good time just seeing someone they love get married. Congratulations and I wish you the best!

Answer 10

LOL.  Sorry to hear you are frustrated.  I had a JOP wedding to avoid all of that.  I must say I wouldn't change a thing about it.  I did have a nice reception though.  About 100 people.

Answer 11

yep is a pain. do the judge way and when you feel like it then have it your way.

Answer 12

oh sweetie....I'm sorry things aren't working out the way you had hoped. It would be fun to take the money and go somewhere like hawaii to get married! have fun, hon. this should be a joyful time!

Answer 13

my husband and i "eloped." our families knew, but they didn't attend. we were married in jamaica and had our wedding/honeymoon all in one week. if you are serious about eloping, lots of places offer wedding packages that will include photography, cake, marriage officiant etc.

i think skipping a big wedding was one of the best decisions i have ever made! it was really romantic, just us getting married in a gazebo. and our pictures turned out great, they were ready to take home with us at the end of our honeymoon.

good luck!

Answer 14

We didn't want all the chaos and got married at the court house. We had witnesses and immediate family there and followed it with a small reception at a local park for wedding cake and pictures. I think we spent maybe $300 between clothes, license, cake and such.

Answer 15

elope, there's no fuss, no stress, and it's much more intimate. that's what i'm going to do. plus, it rids the people who are there for the free food and alcohol.

Answer 16

Go to Vegas and avoid any more headaches\.

Good luck

PS/ My baker also cancelled (had to find another one), I have a bridemaid missing in action, another one is pregnant, another one refuses to wear a suitable dress, a few days before the wedding we still have guests that have not returned their RSVPs, my wedding planner assigned my her "assistant" instead of her, etc. etc. etc. My headcount is 41. I'm tired.