I want to Adopt!?

Question

I have 2 kids of my own but in about 5 years or so I was thinking about adopting. I have 2 questions.

1.) Is there anywhere online I can go to see kids from an adoption agency or individual agency?

and

2.) Do you think adoption outside your country should be legal?

Hear me out on number 2...I don't think that it should be legal unless you have already adopted a child from your own country. We see celebs adopt, but why don't they adopt from thier own country? In the United States we have over a million kids that wants, and needs, to be adopted. Why should our own kids suffer and other kids, that wasn't even born in this country, get picked over "our own" kids? I don't think its right. The kids in "our" orphanages don't really have a chance if everyone keeps adopting outside the country. I feel sorry for the kids that were basically born and then put up for adoption and stay in the "system" until they are 18. I imagine that that would be horrible. What do you think?

Answer 1

AH2911 (the previous poster) is completely correct.  

Adopting domestically was our first choice, but there are NO babies languishing in orphanages.  There are sibling groups with younger children and older children available who are in foster care (the US doesn't use the orphanage system anymore), but we are first time parents and would like to have an opportunity to experience a baby.  Going over seas was our only choice.  

The foster-to-adopt program in the United States gives many, many chances to the biological mother to regain custody.  Often, a biological parent will have over two years to reclaim their child from a foster parent after having the child removed from the bio parent's custody.  Can you imagine bringing a baby into your family, only to have a stranger (the bio parent) take the child back when he or she was two years old?

The other option to adopting a baby in the US is the private adoption.  In this scenario, potential parents "market" themselves to the bio parent, and the bio parent picks the family she wants.  While this makes sense, it also means that an adoptive family can spend years and years waiting for a bio mom to pick them, and may never get picked for whatever reason.  

With international adoption, it is completely different.  Once your application gets accepted and approved, you wait in line for your child.  It is first come, first served and when it is your turn, you are matched with your child.  You are matched with a child whose bio parents' rights have already been terminated (often due to abandonment of the child).

Answer 2

Because adopting children in other countries is not simply about letting these children have privelages, it's about saving their lives.  The children in our orphanages do want and need families, but they are still going to survive in an orphanage.  Most of the time the children in other countries are in orphanages because their entire family has died due to disease and they are next if someone doesn't save them.

Answer 3

We adopted our children internationally, and respectfully I think you have a lot of misunderstandings about domestic adoption.

First, there are not over a milon children waiting to be adopted in the US. There are over a hundred thousand kids now available for adoption in foster care, but most either have major special needs or are over age 10. These kids were NOT put up for adoption at birth and then sit in foster care because no one adopted them. Most were abused and neglected for years and then waited for years in foster care before the birth parents rights were taken away. Ofcourse they deserve homes too, but many first time parents or those already with young children are not going to be up for the challenges these children face. These kids need older experienced parents with a lot of time and resources available.

As far as private domestic adoption, there are more prospective parents then babies available. Any reasonably healthy infant or young child available for adoption will have NO problem finding a family in this country.

So many people want to blame adoptive parents for adopting the "wrong kids", but anyone can adopt. You would never ask someone why they had biological kids when there are so many kids already in the world that need homes.

I don't mean to seem harsh, and think it's great that you are considering adopting from the foster system, it just gets frustrating always having to defend how we chose to build our family. We love our children, and feel we made the best decision in our situation.

Answer 4

#1 www.adopting.org, adoption.org, www.bethany.org

#2  Though you make some valid points, I don't think international adoptions should be illegal. The answer to many woes would be to make the adoption process in the United States more streamlined. Frequently, people choose to adopt internationally because it is perceived as being more effecient than trying to adopt domestically.

Also, most of us have heard horror stories about birth parents reclaiming legal rights after a child had been in their adoptive home for months or even years. That is less likely to happen if the adoption has been closed and your adopted child now lives in the U.S. as opposed to whatever country they were born in.

Yes, babies are the favored choice for adoption. Besides the common maternal (and paternal I suppose) desire to have a baby I also know there is a pervasive fear that by adopting an older child you will somehow get a "damaged" individual that will have more emotional problems than the adoptive parents can handle. When you adopt a baby you hope to side-step that mess and have the family you dreamed about.

If you have a heart to adopt older children then that is a precious thing. There is a need. Maybe your positive experience will influence others and more children in need will find a home.

Best Wishes!

Answer 5

I think adoption is wonderful and agree with you about the 2nd point. Why not take care of American kids before trying to save all the world's kids???

OMG----Mia--- it's me, Teresa!!! lol!

Answer 6

In response to Question #1:  Check your local Division of Children & Youth (or Children & Family Services) website.  You didn't list what state you are in, so unfortunately I cannot help with that.  But typically your state will have a website that has pictures of children available for adoption.

In response to Question #2:  I completely understand your stance on this and I do agree that I would prefer to see US children adopted before international children.  However, I do also believe that ALL children should have access to a loving family & home, regardless of nationality.  I also know that many adoptive parents choose to adopt internationally because the US Government doesn't "support" adoptive parents as much as they could.  Many families that I know who have adopted from another country chose to do so because they didn't want to spend thousands of dollars for an adoption and risk having the biological family change their mind after the birth.  If that happens, all the money spent is lost.  With international adoption, there is more of a "guarantee" that the adoptive family won't have the heartbreak of a lost adoption.  Adoptive families also choose international adoption because they fear that biological families might try to "come back" into the child's life at a later date (before the child turns 18).  With international adoption, that is typically not a concern.  

Again, I understand completely your stance on the international adoption.  I guess I just also know several happy families who have been blessed because of the availability of international adoptions.  And my thoughts still remain that ALL children deserve to be loved.  :)

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You are a wonderful person...people like you bring tears to my eyes! You see I'm adopted and my life with my adoptive parents has been a GREAT one! I thank god for sending them to help me! I was in foster care from age 4-12. You can call local adoption agencies and they can give you tons of information about where to look. I think Parents should adopt within their race so that the kids won't get teased later on because their parents look so much different. My mom adopted a family of five of us! I plan to adopt one day too!

You can email me ANYTIME and I would be more than willing to answer some of your questions!

Answer 8

umm, i don't know about # 1, but #2 , i amm don't know, but adopting a child is great

Answer 9

1) www.adoption.com , www.adoptuskids.com

2) SO are you saying that "our" kids are more valuable or more worthy of a home than children from other countries? I don't think thats really what you mean. In the US alot of people want, healthy caucasin newborns and we're in short supply compared to other countries as far as babies. Some people don't feel comfortable with open adoption and don't want to take the chance of the bio mom coming back after years of it being your child. It can be exspensive in the US to and you may have to wait longer to get a baby. Children in other countries are starving and dying from diseases that are curable but they don't have the resources , money, or oppurtunity. Children ( older) can have problems, attachemtn problems ect and many people simply can't handle that and wouldn't have the. paitence. I plan to adopt children when I'm older, from Ethiopia preferrably. That doesn't mean that I think African children are more important or worthy than AMerican children. I think adoption is a very personal decesion. Its a personal decision of whether or not you want an ifant, toddler, teenager, what country, background, if their disable ect. Its not for others to judge or decide from them or to criticize them for their decison just becuase they adopted form the United States or China, its their decision! Its totally up to you whether you adopt from here or another country. There are so many kids that need a family and home and I"m glad that you are considering it, its a great thing! Best of Luck. But see its my decisoon, which is personal from where i'm adopting from and I choose Ethiopia. As far as celebs sometimes its probably for recognition and publicity, sometiems for persoanl reasons and out of the goodness out their hearts. Its not for us to judge. But a child is a child and if your gonna adopt a  child from the US yaaaaaay! I'm happy for you!

Answer 10

Great!! Adoption is a wonderful thing.  There are tons of adoption agencies online.  My adoption agency probably won't be a great help to you- they only do foriegn adoption.

As an adoptive mother of a beautiful 9 year daughter who happens to come from China, I can't  agree with your views on foreign adoption.  I think all children should be adoptable to anyone.  

Yes, I think that there are a lot of children that need to be adopted here but that doesn't mean you should force limits on who you can adopt.

For one thing, as long as we have judges that will return children to biological mothers after a few years just because of DNA, I have a problem with that.  Yes, I know it is few and far between, but frankly I did not want to take that chance.  My daughter was mine from the moment I held her.  I would have had an easier time cutting off my arm than giving her back.  I have a friend that just had to give her foster child back to its drug-addicted mother.  She wanted to adopt this child and had had it since birth.

Also, after my international travel, I can honestly say that while our orphanages and foster care is not perfect, the type of poverty that you see over in some of these countries is totally different.  Orphanages full of children with insects crawling over them, widespread Aids, lack of running water and facilities.  Children lying listless and dirty in cribs with no stimulation. It is heartbreaking. I know you said to Rene that sickness is everywhere but there is a  lack of social services and the type of poverty that Americans can't even dream up.  

I know a lot of this is because of the government treatment of their people and other social issues, but as a human being not as an American I don't think any child should be denied a chance for a better life and for loving parents.

I wish it was a perfect world and all children had happy & loving homes but it is not the case.  Denying any child a home because of a border is not the answer though.

Congratulations on whatever child you choose to open your heart to.  It is a blessing and one less child waiting.

Answer 11

I adopted my son as a newborn.  I actually helped deliver him.  I agree, that we should adopt from our own country. There are a lot of kids in the US that need good homes. Not to mention it is a lot faster and cheaper to adopt from the states.

The agency I went through specialize in open adoption with newborns, so you get to meet the women while they are still pregnant.  There are no pictures of the kids to look at.  Open adoption just means that you keep open communication between you and the birthmother.  You have all the legal rights as the parent, but for me I chose open adoption because I dont want my son to turn 18 and think "who the h**l is my mom".  If we talk about her, and are open about the situation I think he will understand a lot better.

Here is the agency I went through.

www.adoptionhelp.org

Answer 12

If you are interested in adopting one or more of the older children that are difficult to place, you should check out adoptuskids.org.  They have some info about the children as well as photos.  These children are in foster care and many of them have already had their parental rights terminated and are waiting for their forever family.  However, be prepared to cry when you see the number of children in need of loving homes!

Answer 13

1.) If you type "adoptable children" and the name of your state into a search engine, you will be on the right track for finding adoptable children in the United States.  If you go to www.precious.org you will be able to look for children internationally.  

2.) Adopting a child is not about "we" and "they."  A child is a child.  Adopting is about creating a family.  Adoptive parents need all the choices they can get; homeless children everywhere need all the chances they can get.

Answer 14

First off:  I commend you for your decision.

#1 www.adoption.com

#2  I don't think it should matter where you adopt from.  I think celebrities adopt from other countries so that we can't really ever hear from the birth parents.  

Personally, if my husband and I adopt it will be from the US.

Answer 15

Here is a link that might help

http://abortionstop.com/