I want to adopt, my family is against it?

Question

my husband and i have talked about adopting a child. when i told the family this, they got really defensive about it and told us it was a bad idea. They think if you are able to have a child you should and my own mother said she doesn't know if she could love a child like it was her own blood knowing it wasn't. When i mentioned adopting a child from over seas, they all pretty much just laughed. what do you think? would you adopt a child from overseas?

Answer 1

yeah, they look so sad in the commercials. maybe you should tell your family why you wanna adopt instead of making one.

You get a lot of props for doing that to. It seems it would be one lucky child with down to earth parents. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

If you are close with your family, I would urge you not to adopt.  A child who is put in a position of being viewed as "less than" his/her siblings will be very hurt.  I have friends who are in this position, and it is just really, really rough on the child.

If you are not close with your family, maybe you can explain to them that this is your choice, not theirs; your family, not theirs; and that their opinion is not going to sway you either way.  If they do not want to accept one of their grandchildren, they don't have to accept any of them.

I don't know how my parents will treat my children (who will be adopted), but if the way they treated me is any indication, my children will be treated as "less than" the other grandkids.  However, I didn't ask my parents' opinions, nor were they involved in any decisions.  I sent them a letter explaining what kinds of behaivior are acceptable in our family, and that anyone who is not able to respect our family rules and boundaries won't be welcome in our family.  I will NOT allow my parents to hurt my babies the way they hurt me, my siblings, and their other grandchildren.

Good luck to you!

Answer 3

I would adopt from overseas. Do what your heart is telling you.

Answer 4

I think it is absolutely wonderful that you want to adopt. I have 2 adopted brothers from Russia. My parents adopted them both when they were 18 months old. They are now 12 and 13.

There are so many children out there without families. I wish everyone could have the experience of having their own children and also adopting.

I know my parents love my brothers like they are their own. They feel like it was really meant to be. If you and your husband know you have the money (it is very expensive to adopt internationally) and love for another child, I would go for it. Your family sounds ignorant (sorry) and that is okay. However, adoption is a wonderful thing.

If your family can't love the child, I guess that is something you will have to consider and surround your child with people who do love them.

Best of luck

Answer 5

its not about how they feel its wat u want

Answer 6

don't let your family influence you. it's YOUR life. live it the YOU want to.

Answer 7

go for it.!

dont let your family talk you out of it.

you would be helping a child and even though your family thinks its a bad idea, maybe you need it.

try telling them why you want to adopt, if they dont give in... maybe you should just go with what your heart says

on the other side, are you willing to take care of 3 children?

would a child overseas feel like they were your child or would they feel left out because they didnt look like you?

its your life.!

you decide :]

(good luck)

Answer 8

well it depends if your gonna keep it for a long time for ever cause u could spoil him and then dump them

Answer 9

We adopted from overseas.  Our family was supportive from the start, but there were some reservations, like the "do you know what you're getting into" kind of reservations.  

You and your husband have been considering this for a long time, so it's not like you woke up one morning and decided to do this.  

Do your research and take the opportunity to try and educate your family.  They may come around, after they've had time to chew on it for a little while.  Or they may not come around and you'll need to be prepared for that, too.  

Family support during adoption is wonderful, beneficial and very important, BUT it's not an absolute requirement. Just make sure that you and your husband know how you will deal with issues that arise if your family is unable to accept your decision.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I can totally understand your reasoning behind wanting to adopt.  Why overseas...???  Anyway, your family shouldn't come between you and your husband and a decision that you two made between the two of you.  They need to understand why you want to do this and if then they can not come to the conclusion that it is your decision and they have nothing to say about what you and your husband do, then it will be there loss.  My hubby and I personally did not adopt from overseas...we are in the process now of trying to adopt a child who we have had for two years out of foster care.  It's the best experience and the hardest that we have ever faced...but to see his smiling face every day and to hear that I am the best mommy makes it that much better!

Answer 11

I doubt her feelings will change. There were a few in my extended family who made similar comments to my adoptive mother before she adopted me. While the majority of the family was cool with me, the ones who weren't before my adoption didn't change after. Kids can tell when someone they call gramma doesn't consider them their grandchild.

I wouldn't adopt a child from overseas, or domestically. I wouldn't adopt - period.

Answer 12

My fiance's family is the same way. I have 2 adoptive brothers older than me and 1 younger than me that was just recently adopted from Rwanda. When I told me Fiance's mother that We were considering adopting our first one she told us that it was the stupidest thing she had ever heard from us and if we did she would disown us. We're still planning on adopting our first one.

Answer 13

I feel that you are desiring to parent a child that may not otherwise have one- and for that I commend you- and about your mother saying what see said- my mother in law said basically the same thing- we went ahead and adopted anyway-  when people say things like that we just have to realize that they just don't understand.

Answer 14

i thank you for the good feeling you have and i do agree with you if you are ok with it you and your husband.....but have you thought well about that decision.....the resposipility that will be on your shoulders.......you hav to treat him extra good...will you accept this kid's behaviour weather its good or bad.....will you regret one day that you did that and adopted that kid...........tell you what? kids from you own flesh and blood are accepted before they see the light...its not an easy thing to do....and if you are fed up with the kid one day you just cant throu him outta your life..he got feeling..dont hurt him by not accepting all of him.......if you took this step plz dont hurt the kid.treat him well...and your family reaction is so normal...put yourself in their place and se what they see

Answer 15

I would consider adopting a child from over seas. However I don’t think it’s a good idea to adopt at all if family is not for it and wouldn’t be able to love this child the same as a biological child. Since you already have biological children if your family treated your adopted child differently that would not be fair to the child, the kid would pick up that Grandma , Aunt treat him differently then his siblings, no child deserves that. I have seen it happen and it wasn’t even with adopted children. It could even be hard on your current children as they too would pick up that their sibling is not being treated the same way as them. If you don’t see your family often it could be doable but it could still hurt the child to experience  that diffrent  treatment even a few times a year. How would you feel if your grandmother had got you a few cheap things from a dollar store, but got your siblings some costly gifts from ToyRUs or Best Buy?

Sometimes once the child arrives people’s minds and hearts change. This dosent always happen but it can happen.

It seems clear you and your husband have deeply thought about adopting I would have some more discussions on it and look at what you might have to sacrifice if you do adopt and your family is not accepting of your new child. How it would also affect your current children.

Answer 16

I think that would be nice it's not your mother who is taking care of the child it's you. You and your husband adopt a child if you want it doesn't matter what other people say it's you not them. Why does it matter if it blood or not GO AHEAD AND DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?

Answer 17

I won't say that you shouldn't adopt if your family is not supportive.  It's your decision in the end.

But I can tell you from listening to other adoptive parents that it will be hard at times.  It will be hurtful to the adopted child to be ignored by extended family members while siblings and cousins get Christmas and birthday gifts.   They may sometimes make rude and prejudiced comments which your child will never forget.

I guess it depends on how close your relationship is with the extended family.  If you associate with them on a very frequent basis, the situation is bound to become explosive if you do this.  But if you only see them once or twice a year, then it will probably be tolerable.  Only you can make that determination.

Answer 18

If YOU want to adopt, then go for it. Don't let your family talk you out of it.

Personally, I wouldn't adopt a child from overseas. There are millions of children in "the system" in the US in need of loving homes. And, I firmly believe that we should help our own country before trying to help others. Turning a blind eye to the children here doesn't provide them homes. Just because it's "easier" to adopt from other countries doesn't make it 'more right' to do.

Answer 19

It's up to you , who you could love , ( it's wonderful if you love a child ) if your mother couldn't  love the child are you comfortable not having her in you life ? I personally am uncomfortable with the idea of adoption ... but if it's something you and your husband want to do then go for it.

Answer 20

Is this a new revelation to your family, or has this been going on for a while?  Maybe there is a shock factor involved.  

I suggest getting them some unbiased literature on the subject.

Answer 21

don't listen to your family.. adoption is a beautiful,wonderful thing.. and you are giving these children the gift of living a better life than what they would have.. there's nothing wrong with adopting AND having your own.  Its you and your husbands decision.. not your family's.

Answer 22

You would be doing a really good thing for the kids over seas. who cares what your mom says it'll be YOUR kid not hers.She should back off. I wouldn't adopt a child from over the seas for a few reasons like you would probably need a translator for like a few months which costs a whole lot. Plus how would you get the child without you going to the new country and getting a passport.($400 a piece)Then you have to go through a whole lot more crazy things.....It's not like you can mail a kid or something. Well if you decide to good luck with the child.

Answer 23

Don't listen to you family. Do what you and your husband want. My family has adopted so many children from overseas. And they are the cutest little creations ever. They need us because a lot of people don't want them.

Answer 24

Yes you should be able to give an unfortunate child the love and attention they never got from their biological parents.....I hope your family understands that your dream is going to be final!If they cannot accept that then forget about the past and keep your head toward the future with your new child.

Answer 25

Adopting children is a really good thing to do. I don't see how your family can see it as a bad thing its giving an unfortunate child a really good chance in their life and i'm glad that some people see that (like you.) I think you should adopt a child from your own country but make sure if the child is un-born and you want him after hes born that the family are decent because some people try to get the family to pay for them aswell. I hope that the adoption goes well if you decided to do it, its a great thing to do.

Answer 26

I absoluty would adopt from overseas. I am able to have my own children, I have a daughter who is 4 months old but I have always wanted to adopt. There are so many children in this world who need a loving home. I think its awesome that you are willing to provide that. Good lucl!!

Answer 27

i really think that the decision is up to you and your husband its not like you are a teenager and can't take of a child if u feel that you wanna help out a child who is not fortunate to have a loving family then you can step in and give them the life that their biological parents (what ever the circumstances be) couldn't. And as far as your mother is concerned if she doesn't wanna be a grandmother to the child then so be it sawwy so harsh... hope this points you in the right direction 2 do the right thing!! =]

Answer 28

ADOPT!!!

your kids, right?  Who has the right to tell you, that no, there's millions of kids w/o parents who would REALLY LIKE SOME, but, YOU shouldn't adopt a kid?!

(sorry, i feel strong about adoption)

adopt the kid, and then break the news.  but no matter what, keep the baby.  give it love, something it might have never gotten.  There's a kid who's waiting for you.

Answer 29

adoption is a choice for your hubby and you not your mother... if she cant accept the child that is her loss.... my husbands famliy in germany is very excited that we are thinking af adoption since his mother was adopted... and my husbadn is adopting my 2 children... they dont see the children as anything but family........

Answer 30

you haven't even done it and this is the response you get?

how do you think that would make a child feel???

Answer 31

Wow. That's harsh. Your mom says that now, but if you were to adopt an child she would fall in line as she saw you taking care of him/her as if he/she was your biological child- I'd bet money on it. I think that it would be a wonderful thing to adopt a child form overseas.