I want to adopt a baby and was wondering how I can go about finding a birth mother without an adoption agency?

Question

Hi-

Ok first of all my husband and I do own our own home and I have two children from a previous relationship but my husband has none. We would love to adopt a baby so that our family can grow!

Of course we could just have one except I had my tubes tied after my second baby was born. And it is very costly to have it reversed besides I feel that God would want me to open my home, and heart to a child who is in need.

Does anyone know of any women who are currently thinking of giving their child up for adoption or maybe a web site that would have some good information on this? We would like to do a private adoption rather then going thropugh an adoption agency I just think things will feel more personal that way!

Thank you and God bless!

Answer 1

You will need a homestudy regardless so I would start with that, and it would be helpful when advertising or posting your profile to say "homestudy ready". Also, I would retain an attorney before beginning any networking or advertising, so that if/when you are contacted you do not inadvertently break any laws and jeopardize finalization.

Lastly, keep in mind that you probably aren't qualified to counsel a mother considering placing for adoption, and may inadvertently coerce or pressure her. I would suggest you insist she receive private counseling and retain her own attorney (you may pay for it, but she should choose these professionals), just as an ethical consideration.

Also be sure to network through friends and family.

Answer 2

You are very misinformed.  With an agency adoption, you have complete medical information - the OB's medical records during the pregnancy, and the hospital records for the baby and birthmom.  Plus, you have the medical and genetic histories from the birthmother, birthfather, and grandparents when available.

I think stats bear this out -- MANY folks who do not want to go thorugh one of the traditional process to adopt usually cannot aford it, or may not qualify through all the agency scrutiny (they may have something in their history - arrest, addiction, lifestlye, bankruptcy, etc.).

If you try to adopt privately, chances are you will go through at least one failed match -- where you pay birthmother expenses (rent, groceries, utilities, medicals) and then she decides not to place.  With private adoption, that financial loss is yours..  So in the long run, many families end up spending so much more, trying to save money.

Now to my beef:  You say:  "I feel that God would want me to open my home, and heart to a child who is in need."  Newborns placed for adoption are not in need!  They all have 100's of loving, already qualified couples waiting to become their parents at a moments notice.    But, what children are truly IN NEED of parents?  The thousands upon thousands of precious children in our U. S. foster care system!  If you really do want to "open you heart", as you say you do, foster! Adopt through the foster care system!  Or think about volunteering  through Big Brothers/Big Sisters!  Make a real difference in the life of a child!  There are many many families who have MORE THAN qualified to adopt who are waiting to parent the newborns who are lovingly placed for adoption by their birthmothers.  People trolling the internet for a baby just do not rank high on anyone's list for parent of the year!  You have NO accountability when you do this.

Answer 3

definitely go to a lawyer first or a social worker who is certified to do home studies. Find out if you can be approved before even looking for a child. And you do have to pay the lawyer. he doesn't work for free. When you go thru an agency they handle everything. Its a much safer way. Private adoptions cost just about as much as an agency.  I am in the adoption process thru the foster care system and it has costed us nothing.

Answer 4

Doesn't sound legal.

Answer 5

I am in the same boat  we are looking into adopting if you find away could you share your information

Answer 6

**** yourself, give up the baby, then adopt it

Answer 7

This is the type of responses you will get if you used an asian avatar on Yahoo answers. People are rude because they felt like you're competing for "Their" babies.

You should try to post ads on local newspaper for private adoption.

Answer 8

You have several options.  If you've got your heart set on adopting a newborn, the first thing you have to do is get a homestudy.  This site will help you find a social worker in your area to get that done: http://home-study.adoption.com/

Then you can put up information about your family on http://www.parentprofiles.com where potential birthmoms can view it, and then if they like you as a potential adoptive family they can contact you.

I wish you and your family the best of luck!

Answer 9

I thought the point in yahoo answers was so that people could ask question... Kinda wondering how many foster kids "some" of us up there have.  I don't have the answer you were looking for but was kinda blown away at the response of that sweet little answer about babies don't need parents.  Be careful if you do foster a child a friend of mine actually was about to adopt  a baby she had for a year.  The parents walked into a store handed the baby over to a couple strangers walked out; my friend who is a foster parent got this child wanted to full out adopt and for some reason the mom stepped up as well as the dad and the courts decided the baby would be best with his birth parents.  I think it is wonderful that you would put the option out there to adopt there are so many kids in need... Good Luck.

Answer 10

Wow...Joslin can get nasty can she not!!! However, if you go thru your local state system, it's possible that there is a certain amount of years that all of the children have to "be in the system" before they can be even considered for adoption. then the parents rights have to relinquished. So it's a process. I know here in SC in 5 or more years, but no less. Trust me on this, because I'm trying to adopt to, and this was told to me at one of the orientation meetings. I'm on here looking for the same though, so if you find more than one, just let me know. If I find something, i'll let you know.

I think it's great that you are willing to adopt though, I don't believe some people realize the compassion and heart and alot of thought given to this decission. Especially since it impacts everyone in your life and not just you.

Answer 11

try your local dept. of health and human resources. they take children from homes every day that go up for adoption. this way you know its upfront and legal. i saw an episode of dateline where at least 5 couples were scammed by this one woman who said she was going to give each of them her baby.  this was via internet...so be very careful.

Answer 12

Looks like you're getting a host of responses that aren't exactly accurate.

There are several ways to do the adoption you refer to.  We told everyone we knew that we wanted to adopt, and actually a neighbor knew of someone who had a child that was being placed for adoption, so we were fortunate in that respect.

Personally, I hesitate from doing anything with the internet, only because there are so many scams out there.  Dr Phil recently had a show on this and it is so sad how many people this one woman scammed alone.  

Private adoptions can be done through an attorney, but there will still be some agency fees as you will still need to have a home study and criminal checks done.  Some adoptions also have what they call "identified adoptions" which is where you find the birthparent (like you suggested) and they will process the paperwork for you.  This is what we did because we were adopting from another state and we needed someone who understood the laws in both states.  

You also mentioned that you would want to meet the bio-parents and get medical information.  Using an agency does not necessarily exclude you from that.  Some agencies will only work with "open" adoptions and this information is available.  

We used Adoptions From the Heart and I highly recommend them.  www.adoptionsfromtheheart.org.

Good luck to you.