I want to adopt a baby but my husband is having second thought, help me to decide please?

Question

I want to adopt a baby but my husband is having second thought, help me to decide please?

Answer 1

Unless both parents are committed and agree it is not a good idea to add any child to the family either by birth or adoption.... Without both being equally interested it will end up being a disaster----you cannot chose to adopt when a spouse isn't as interested as you are.... It will hurt the child and your marriage...

If he is having second-thoughts then he needs time. It isn't uncommon for people considering adoption to make a step forward and then pause to gather their thoughts... If he decided he is still interested he needs to come to that conclusion trying to convience him will only cause bitterness in the end.

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with adopting. The best thing to is listen to what your husband has to say. Find out why he is having second thoughts and go from there. You both have to be very patient and understanding towards each other. You may have to wait a little while but it will work out in the end. Remember listen and talk with a open mind and heart. Be there and support each other.

Answer 3

If your husband isn't 100% for adoption, then don't.

Answer 4

No one can help you make a decision like this other than your husband.  He has to be on board or it will not be a good situation to bring a child into.  Please talk it over with him!

Answer 5

No decision, this has to be a unanimous decision.

Answer 6

i read what the others have said and i agree. i myself is adopted and i helps to have a father and mother that wanted it. try to convince him that this is a good choice. tell him that adopting a child is the best thing that can happen for him and the child. this is just a suggestion and you need to follow your heart with this. good luck and adopt that baby!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

well what i think you should do is talk it over ....like talk about different places you would like to look for your baby and decide if you want a  boy or girl ......try to make him want the baby ...just try as hard as you can ok ..... good luck

Answer 8

I commend you for wanting to adopt, but if your husband is in any way not on board you shouldn't do it.  It just isn't fair for the child to go into that type of division.  I would say if it is a real concern than you should suggest to go to couples counseling to work out the issue before going forward with the adoption process.  Good luck.

Answer 9

Its a lifetime decision and not one to be entered into lightly.  If you and your spouse are not both on board - you need to wait until you are.

Answer 10

You are adults. You need to make up your minds on this - and be 100% sure first and foremost.

No adoptee (ie child) needs to come into a family where both parents aren't 100% behind the adoption.

They'll feel it. They'll work it out.

Most adoptees would rather stay with the family that they were born to - but if adoption does have to happen - they need to go to a family that will love them for them - and not lay any of the adult garbage on them - because adoption should be about them - not about you.

Write down all the pros and cons for both.

(what are your reasons for wanting to adopt?? what are your husbands reasons for not wanting to adopt???) etc etc

Get your partner to do the same.

Educate yourselves fully about all sides of adoption - especially from the point of view of the adoptee.

Perhaps look into foster care first - as a stepping stone.

If you can have your own children - go for it.

I've had 3 - it's an amazing experience.

But please - work this out before you head in to something that you both have to be fully happy with - to begin with.

Answer 11

adoption is extremely complex.  hence, if your husband is not on board, i strongly advise you to work on that issue, prior to pushing for adoption.

good luck

Answer 12

In my opinion, if you are wanting to bring children into a family, whether that be through adoption or biologically, both members of the family (husband and wife, etc) need to be on the same page.  It is not fair to a child to bring them into a family where one parent does not want them.

This goes a million times over for adoption, only because the child will all ready be dealing with the loss of their biological family (even a baby will grieve this loss) and to bring them into a situation where one parent may resent their presence, well that is just not fair to the child.  

If you have your heart set on adopting and your husband does not, well you need to make a decision about your marriage.

Answer 13

You and your husband have to be one hundred percent on-board and on the same page when it comes to adoption.  Bringing a child into your family when both parents are not completely behind the decision is a truly bad idea.

The two of you need to have a serious talk about it. His concerns could be about many things: the process, parenting, finances, family stability, etc.  Nobody on Y! Answers can say what your unique circumstances are, so the only thing to do is to advise that you and your husband have a heart-to-heart, with the caveat that if you both aren't completely in sync about this, adoption may not be right for you, at this time.

Answer 14

if you are coming here to find the answer to a question like this, i would say no, don't do it.

and if your husband is not on board, definately don't do it.

Answer 15

Your husband has good instincts.

Adoption is NOT something someone should have to be talked into.

Answer 16

You need to talk to your husband and find out what is giving him second thoughts and see if this is something you can work through. Having a baby changes everything and when you adopt it changes even faster. While it may take longer to adopt, you still all of sudden get a call and you have a baby rather than going through 9 months of prep time

Answer 17

Maybe talking to a counseller might help. You both need to be open about your reasons for wanting and not wanting to adopt. It is a lifetime commitment and if your husband is having doubts you should at least put it on hold until you have agreed it is what you both want. You both have to be in 100% otherwise if you go ahead with it without him wanting the same it could cause problems in your marraige, the child will need to be loved and if your husband is not ready he could end up making the child feel unwanted without realising he is doing it, he may even end up resenting the child and you for not fully taking his feelings and wishes into consideration.

If he has already said it is what he wants, maybe he does but is worried about how much it will change things both between your personal life and financially, it could be one of a million reasons, only the two of you can decide what it is you want.

GOOD LUCK, i think it's great that you want to help children by choosing to adopt and giving them a second chance x

Answer 18

If your husband is not ready you should wait.