I want to adopt a child that is already around 12 years old. I want to give a kid a chance to have a family,?

Question

but I don't know if older kids want to be adopted. I've heard from every one that older kids that are available fro adoption are really unruly. Should I go for adopting an older child or should I just get a younger child.

Answer 1

We adopted two school aged girls internationally.  We nearly adopted a young lady who was 17 from foster care, too.  If an opportunity arose to adopt the 17 year old that we currently foster, I think we'd move forward with it.

Some of the kids want to be adopted, some of them don't.  It will depend on the child.  With an older child, it's important that you have their buy-in on the adoption because otherwise bonding won't happen in the short amount of time you will have.  The child's social worker will talk to the child to make sure he/she really wants to be adopted & has realistic expectations of adoption.

Some of the kids are unruly & some are not.  They're just like any other kids (some unruly/some not), they've just been dealt a different life circumstance.  Almost all the kids are in care because of mistakes the parents made not because of mistakes the children made.  The mistakes the parents made will have an affect on the child & some are affected more profoundly than others.

Move forward slowly & cautiously.  Seek out professional advice and help (social workers, counselors, doctors, etc.), get involved in an adoption support group, and read up on older child adoption.  You can go to http://www.tapestrybooks.com/categories.... and use this as a reading list.  Be sure and read Gregory Keck's book on adopting & parenting older children and Deborah Grey's book on attaching in adoption.  Those were some of the most valuable reads in my experience.

I hope this helps.  Go for it if it's what you want to do.  Get expert advice & prepare yourself now.

Answer 2

get the child. everyone should have the chance to have a family. this poor kid probably feels depressed because she is so old and shes still living in an orphanage instead of in a warm bed with a family that loves her.

GO FOR IT

Answer 3

yea matter of fact im 15 and am getting adopted now im def not a perfect teen but i know im def not unruly either so there are many teens that want a place to call home forever wether there 1 or 11 or 18!

Answer 4

i would seek adoption through the foster care system, there are alot of kids who REALLY need homes in the foster care system, who have been removed by the state and are in need of structure, safety and a healthy living enviornment, thats the place I will seek when I am able to offer my home to someone in need.

Answer 5

Children want to be loved no matter what age. Unfortunately some of them have been rejected so much that they don't know how to love or let somebody else love them. I think that if you're very patient and understanding of this then you should go for the older child. Of course at that age you might run into siblings wanting to be adopted. I think that would be a good idea too.

Answer 6

alot of teenagers that do not have homes are waiting to be adopted. Yes some teenagers are afraid but that is because they have had people close to them and that loved them just push them away. Being loved is something everyone wants to do and be; just to be given a chance as an older teen to have a family is an awesome thing i think you should go with it.

Answer 7

First of all: Do you have other children? Are you married, financially stable, with education and experience with children?  

With an infant, you can learn as you go....with a 12 year old child, you are adopting a child who already has 12 years of baggage to deal with.  

Do not get me wrong...I APPLAUD your desire to give a child a home.  I'm an adoptee...so I am totally for adoption...but you MUST be prepared for problems, especially with a pre-teen.  You need a strong support system, experience with children and financial stability before you can even consider looking into this.  Adoption is not done on a trial basis.  You can not just give the child back when things get rough.  You must be ready before you hold out some hope to a lonely child....more rejection could be devastating.  It will be a tough transition...but a blessing to the son/daughter you adopt.

I wish you the best!

Kat

Answer 8

What a wonderful thing to do!  It is true that some older children in the system are unruly and don't want to be adopted but I definitely don't think that is the majority.  Get in touch with an adoption worker (either through the county you live in or through a private agency) and tell them the kind of child you are interested in adopting.  You can be as specific as you like and they will match you with the child that will fit perfectly into your family.  To give a child a home and a loving family, something that they could possible never have with out you is the greatest gift that you can give them, good luck!

Answer 9

Older kids want to be adopted just like younger kids do and the sad reality is that at about age 5 your chances of being adopted plummet.  Someone has to step in and adopt the older kids too.  As far as the kids being unruly, they are not bad kids the thing is that they have been bounced around longer and they are probably more discouraged than younger kids because they have been in the system long enough to feel like there is no one that is going to care enough about them to adopt them.  I think that if you feel you could handle some tantrums (which are going to come at any age) and some defiance initially (after all, you are a johnny come lately in their life) then I think you should go for the older child.

Answer 10

We are foster parents.  Right now we are caring for an 11-year-old girl who desparately wants to be adopted.  We've also cared for several girls, ages 13-14, who wanted to be adopted, but were returned home or to relatives.  They knew going home was not going to be the best for them.

We have friends who adopted (from foster care) two brothers who were 9 and 12 at the time of adoption.  The boys really wanted a stable home and loving family.

I think that older children do have more to overcome, but also have a better idea of what they want for their future.

Answer 11

Since you're asking this question I say forget adoption.   Of course some older children may have some issues that you have to address.  Can you imagine what they've gone through?  The fact that you'd consider just not adopting them & getting a younger child speaks volumes.  I say forget adoption.  Leave that to compassionate people.

Answer 12

Unruly?  How about sad, hurt, confused, grief stricken, abandoned, angry, shocked, horrified, terrorized, depressed, scared, and disappointed?

Sure, any ADULT who has gone through what they have gone through would be "unruly", much less a child, torn from their parents arms, never to sleep in their own bed,or play with their own toys, or see a familiar face again.

But with LOTS of time, therapy, patience,consistency, structure, gentleness, and tons and tons of work from everyone around them, they have an opportunity to blossom.

However, the biggest abuse of these children comes from adoptive foster/parents who do not understand child development and child abuse issues, and either just try to "love" away their past, or try to "discipline" away their past.  Either is equally cruel.

Children are not puppies.  Anyone considering the adoption of a non-infant needs to know what they are doing before they consider adoption. For the child's sake.

Answer 13

hey! i'm in that situation right now....i'm considering adopting sisters who are ten and twelve years old.  there are so many children in the U.S. who are waiting to be adopted.  many older children are waiting for the day that they are finally with their "forever families".  check out some of the websites for "waiting children".  

i really believe that God has a hand in placing a child with the right family.  just because a child is older, doesn't mean he or she is unruly.  every child deserves a loving, permanent home...a parent who will be there and love him no matter what.  i encourage you to be open....my age range was 4 - 13 years.  sure, older children can bring challenges....but what a wonderful gift it is to be a "forever" mom or dad for an older child.  

be open.  trust that if it's meant to be, it will happen.  i love knowing that "just the right child" is out there right now...maybe waiting for me....just like i'm waiting for her to be here with our family.  

good luck to you!!

Answer 14

There are many preteens and teens out there that would love a place to call home and a family to call their own!

adoptuskids.com

Otherwise contact your local social services, they also might have some ideas as to what agencies specialize in "older" adoptions.

Good luck...

Answer 15

I have a friend who works at an foster home the bad news is it

closed dont worry they built a new just bfore the other one closed down but she had alot of 11-15 year olds that were crying because no-one would adopt them each of the adopters said im going to go on a head and get a new born or a toddler because older kids wont want to get adopted . I felt really bad dp i made an advertisment on the internet and flyers and they all said Help us. Help the kids. Older kids arent any different they younger. and then we got all the pictures of the kids in foster home and a phone number And through out that month Many many, Adults came and they all left with a chi;d one adult even left with 7. And she was so nice that One was A new born One was 4 Another 7 ONe 11 One 12 one 17 and onther was about 6 That was a year ago so do the math

Answer 16

TRUST ME, any child who does not have the blessing of parents would want to be adopted, they WANT TO BE A PART OF A FAMILY, like their peers in school, etc., You need to check out fostering, or children in foster care who are available for adoption. You more than likely will find the child you are seeking, and many, many more.

Answer 17

Trust me - older kids do want to get adopted!!!!!!!!!

I used to work at a home for abused/neglected children, and I know that most would be thrilled to have a mom like you!

As for older children being "really unruly" - I don't think that's a label for all of them.  While most do have some issues (after all who wouldn't after being removed from their homes, etc.) - some are just like "normal" kids...... maybe even a little more mature b/c of what they've been through.

There are lots and lots of 12 year olds available for adoption - I hope you are able to adopt one or more!!!!!!!!

Answer 18

there are literally 1000s of children in each state that are considered special need children.  Do you know why they are called that.  Only for one reason because they are over the age of 2 1/2 to 3 years old.  Any child past this age becomes harder and harder place in a loving home.  There are many benfits to adopting an older child but there could also be problems.  Some of these older children have been horribly abused, they have been placed with other families for adoption and the adoption didn't work out.  So yeah older kids do come with issues.  You will get to see all of the medical evaluations and foster care evaluations before you adopt the child,  You will also spend a great deal of time with him/her before you actually adopt.  I think it is a wonderful idea that you want to give an older child a family.  I wish you all of the best.  PS  Check with your state agencies they usually have websites that you can view the children that are up for adoption in your state.