I want to be a good mother, but I feel like I am holding my husband back?

Question

So, I am 23, and my husband is 27. We always get invited to his brothers house who is 25-26 and his wifes house who is also 23.. they have three kids, and we have one daughter.. well every weekend they invite us to go over to their house because they are "partying" with some friends and drinking whatever.. well we hardly go, but when we do go, I don't drink and I make the night short.. (not past 9pm) so i feel bad for my husband because he wants to hang out with his brother.. but i want to get my daughter home bathed and fed and in bed at a decent hour now have her out all hours of the night so my husband can party with his brother. i understand that he doesn't get to see him much.. but I mean.. i rather be a good parent and we made a commitment to our child when we decided to have children.. I want to be a responsible parent.. but I don't want my husband feeling held back either.. how can I compromise with this situation?

Answer 1

If you have 2 cars, it's an easy solution.

But if you resent your husband for staying and having fun without you, then you need to get that out in the open. In my experience, that kind of stuff can breed all kinds of resentment that won't just go away and can really wreck a marriage.

Answer 2

You sound very sweet and like a wonderful mother, I do agree with you...your baby comes first! How about him going once a month without you or twice a month you get a babysitter and you two go and enjoy the night at his brothers. I think it would be wise to meet in the middle and find a solution that would work for both of you.

Answer 3

Easy compromise.  You stay home with your daughter and he goes.  Ideally both of you would choose to be home together, but if he chooses to spend his free time with his brother, that's his choice.

You have the choice to either stay home or go...you decide.

Answer 4

Well I'd say take two cars and then you could leave early and he could stay but not if he's drinking.

Maybe you compromise by going more often but not staying late, or going less often and staying as late as he wants. OR finding a babysitter when you do go so you can have a good time and not worry about the baby.

Answer 5

DANM YOU WOMAN  what gives you ther ight to be a good parent and not a drunken looser?

If you keep worrying about your kid and not booze your kid might grow up to be a respnsable adult do you want that?

Not to mention that she might use you as a good roll model.

Do you want that on your hands.

Your a good mom and not a drunk live with it

Answer 6

1: Children do not require a bath every night. In fact, I preferred bathing mine in the morning afteer they'd spent the night in a wet diaper! It is also not good for them to be bathed every day, regardless of the time, as it washes away valuable body oils. (boy did that give me an excuse for a lot of laziness!)

2: She can be fed and dressed for bed at the brother's house.

3: Children love to sleep in the car. You can put her down in her car seat in a back room, and just move her into the car when you leave.

That said: You're asking your husband to choose between you and his family. That never works. Try to be more flexible. Maybe you can do it his way once a month, and he can do it your way one other time each month, and you can just stay home the other two weekends.

Answer 7

Once in awhile - let him go by himself to stay as long as he would like.  You could go once in awhile with your daughter and let the kids make a sleepover party out of it.  Your child's life needs structure but must allow room for change.   Staying out late at friends/relatives houses on the weekends once in a while does not make one an irresponsible parent.  If you do over indulge, spend the night and camp out on the floor with the kids.  You are young -- you need to enjoy life and your family.

Answer 8

Well first talk to you're husband.

Second. you guys can always take separate cars, he can come home later, and you can always spend the night at his house, i mean if it isn't to crazy then you could put you're daughter to bed there, and then you could both drink,

welcome to parenthood!

Answer 9

WELL...ur a good mother and a good wife because you worry about both of them. Let him stay late some nights...while ur home...and maybe u can go back and pick him up...since he's gonna be drinking. I've done that before. SOme nights stay there with him...ur daughter should get used to being social and flexible. It should be fun for all of you here and there. good luck!

Answer 10

It wouldn't do your daughter any harm to be a late every now and again.

It also wouldn't make you a bad mother either.

Answer 11

Let your husband stay there and you go home.  Give your husband a little freedom.  It is not like he is out partying at a club...he is at his married brother's house.  Take separete cars so that you can leave early or better yet, have your husband sleep over on the sofa so that you don't have to worry about drinking and driving.  Let your husband be a man.  Giving him an inch of freedom will make him feel so happy.  I am sure they guy works hard.  Then on a later date, have your husband stay home with the baby and you stay out and visit with your girlfriends.  It is a give and take.

Answer 12

Don't ever take children anywhere where there is alcohol present.

People, especially men, can change their attitudes once intoxicated and do something to your child in the "nap-time" room while sleeping. You don't want to risk it.

Alcohol and children do not mix, EVER!

Please use discernment and follow through with unceasing consistency.

ADDITIONS: It is a grave mistake to trust ANY MAN (or woman) who is intoxicated. Not that it would be a definite for anything malicious to happen, but you do not want to risk it by placing your child and yourself in that bracket. It's almost like trusting the judgement of a drunk driver. Alcohol/cars/children/partying do not mix. Common sense.

Also, when I used "do something" as a phrase, it implied all partying attendees. Where you read that I singled out your husband is a mystery to me. AND the fact that your child is only 6 mos is irrelevant! It wouldn't be the first or last time someone has exploited a child of that age. Traffickers triumph when their work is made a little bit easier for them and the child is stuck inside a barrier situation, whether they're a product of a dysfunctional family, or are spending the day at a huge theme park, or are amongst the company of their elders who are partying in a drunken stupor. Exploiters can also wear many hats. They can be friends, cousins, neighbors, co-workers and strangers.

I am going to give you an opportunity to educate yourself a little further as a courtesy from one mother of two teenagers to another who is just starting out.  I would strongly advise you to inquire about a human rights organization that cracks down on child trafficking, if not for anything else than to live up to your reputation as a walking encyclopedia.

Lastly, I  do not hesitate to dish out tough love to parents, especially when it's to ensure the safety of a child. If you simply cannot figure out the overall theme of my message to you then, by all means, remain ignorant and move about your life.

Answer 13

I can completely relate. I hated going out once my daughter was born, and when we did I wanted to go home early. Eventually my husband stopped wanting to stay out as late too b/c the exhaustion started getting to him. But I'd say either let him go by himself, or make him deal with it. He's a daddy now. He can't be out partying at all hours of the night.

Answer 14

leave early as you usually would, and make sure that he has a way to get home later, cab money or something. :)