I want to be a surrogate mother but my husband says no?

Question

I have always thought very highly of surrogates and wanted to be one to help women who cant have babies. My husband says no thought because he says that he doesnt want to know that another mans sperm has been inside of me. How can I convince him that it is for a better cause??

Answer 1

Instead of doing traditional surrogate (where your egg is mixed with the intended father's sperm) you could try being a gestational surrogate maybe.  The intended mother and father's embryos are put into you and you act like an incubator.  They can even use donated eggs or sperm.  It's the only way my hubby agreed!

Answer 2

My only suggestion would be to take him to a doctor's office and have the doctor explain the procedure.  It sounds as if your husband has already made up his mind though.

Answer 3

The man's sperm doesn't go in you if that's what his big "worry" is. The doctors will implant an already fertilized egg in you. Your husband sounds kind of selfish and immature.

Answer 4

Honestly if your husband is dead set against it I don't see how you can do it with out ruining your marriage.

If you explain it all to him and he still says no, then that's that.

Imagine if the situation was reversed. Imagine that he decided to be a sperm donor so someone could get pregnant, but you had to see the person every day while she was pregnant (remember he would be seeing you with another man's child in your belly).

Could you watch another woman carry your husband's child?

Answer 5

Regardless of what your husband thinks about surrogates, please consider the child's point of view by reading this link: http://sonofasurrogate.tripod.com/

I'm an adoptee so can sympathise with this guy. I personally find it incredibly hard at times to handle the fact that I was adopted, but at least I wasn't born to be adopted. My adoption was separate from my birth.

Either your husband supports you in your surrogacy or he doesn't. You can't really change his mind.

But please please please research what its like for adoptees (and surrogate babies) before considering surrogacy. Good books include "the primal wound" and "20 things adoptive kids wished their adoptive parents knew".

I personally hadn't had experience with infertility, but can sympathise with people that do because I know my adoptive parents struggled with it. However, I personally don't believe that surrogacy is an ethical option when faced with infertility.

(Waiting for thumbs down)

Answer 6

Well technically the other mans sperm isn't in you...they fertilize the eggs in a dish and then put the fertilized eggs into you.  Just tell him it's like donating your organs but you get the organ back after 9 months.  You could compare it to donating blood...make it seem more normal.

Good Luck

PS I have always thought about being a surrogate too.

Answer 7

The best thing you can do is take him with you to the doctor's let him see exactly how it works, it's very different thinking you know how it works and getting the real deal from a doctor. I think what you re doing is beautiful and if you go through with it it is very unselfish to help those people who can not have children have a little miracle