I want to be confident so badly!?

Question

Well I am 18 and when I was in secondary school in year 8 I was bullied so I stopped talking and didnt have any confidence at all then in year 10 I got bullied again because I didnt talk. I finished school in 2006 and since then I have been to college and I am now on this training program that will hopfully get me on an apprenticeship. I am just so low in confidence right now and my self esteem is quite low too. I do talk alot more then I did but I still find it hard because I am scared that if I say something it might sound silly or I might get rejected or something. Also when I am out people stare at me I am not sure if its because I look shy or if I am just imagining people staring and also I have a bad posture

Answer 1

Oh hun! I do feel for you. I used to be dead shy. Always worried about saying the wrong thing so i ended up saying nothing at all. Truth is, you just say what you feel. Everybody does. Be yourself and people who like your personality will be drawn to you. There will be some who you don't click with but that's just normal. And i promise you, no one is staring at you! It's all in your head, trust me. Hey I'm so different now, i just say what i like, I try to listen to those that just want to talk and if i crack a few jokes, most people think i'm a bit mad but in a gd way and they like me because i'm myself!

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation to you but  i was sick of being so shy so i just went for it and started to talk to people and mingle abit more and even if i was scared i just wouldnt think about it and just go for it... im still a little shy but im a far more confident person now and i feel so much better for it

x

Answer 3

I have a theory about this. I believe that in order for a person to have confidence, that they must excel at SOMETHING. Doesn't matter what. Just pick something you like, and become an expert at it. It could be basketball, or playing the piano. You pick it.

People will see you and say, Hey! There goes Chris, the girl who won the Flute competition! (Or whatever.) You will develop pride in yourself and your confidence will build.

It can't hurt.

Answer 4

The way around this one is not self confidence but learning that what other people think of you don`t matter. I say stupid things, i aint a looker( well maybe a bit lol) if you think people are staring, well they maybe but what the f**k it dont matter, they have the problem not you!!! The sooner you learn that the sooner you will feel more confident.

Well thats what i think, its just an opinion

Answer 5

The best advice I can give you is to act 'as if'. If you act 'as if' you are the most attractive, intelligent, interesting person you'd be surprised how many people will believe you are confident. It takes some practice but you need to change your internal dialogue. When your 'inner speak' is negative, change it to positive. In any social situation, take a deep breath and tell yourself you are attractive and interesting. If you do say anything silly (and we all do sometimes) just laugh, people don't usually make a big deal of these things if it appears you can laugh at yourself. Life isn't a 'spectator' sport, you have to dive in and interact with people. You can change your posture if you choose.

Answer 6

Ok this may sound a little strange, but watch a couple of films, what charecters do you admire, who would you like to be like confidence wise? (try to choose someone who is similar to you, or the person that they are playing) Then quite simply, allthough it sounds hard when your in a situation where you have tended to be particularly shy pretend like your them in your mind, think what they would do, study little things about them in films etc body lanuage, tone of voice and mimic them, quoting them (when appropriate) will help you get into charecter, you will without realising it look more confident so people will react to you in a more postive way leaving you to feel more confident and happy with yourslef.

As humans we all have insurities, thats natural, and some of us feel we may never achieve. But everyone achieves, look at the sky at night, a black canvas dotted with stars, billions, think of each representing a single living thing, animal, human, plant. Some shine brightly, some are big, some are small, some distant and some close, no matter how diffrent they are all made up of the same basic materials, and they all are visable after death. Think of yourself as a star that isn't shining so brightly now, yet you have the potential to be the brightest in the sky, think of everything good about you that you like, how your friends make you feel, the way your friends smile at you, and slowly start to realise the star in your minds eye shine brighter, imagine this after any time you feel happy or confident. Soon you will be that bright star, and your closer than you think.

Answer 7

chin up and smile. say what you mean to say. when you feel like crumbling, grin.

Answer 8

I am 15 and i get picked on about my shyness and have done since year 8.

I hate the way that they think that they're all big and cool because they made fun of someone. When actually my shyness gets worse when someone points it out.

What i do is try and make myself targets for each day, so i'll say that i have to do 1 confident thing one day such as talk to a guy i like or start a conversation with someone i wouldn't usually associate with, then i move it up to 2 more challenging targets, etc.

But the main thing is to not worry what people think of you, because 30 years from now you won't be thinking about that. You'll be thinking "Gosh i wish i was more assertive rather than passive" because that is the best way to do it. Think about how much you'll regret NOT being confident.

But i TRUELY understand where you are coming from. Infact one time i stood up to a bully of mine and now he's nice to me! So it really does work standing up for yourself. On the occasion anyway.

I hope you find your confidence again. :-)

Answer 9

self confidence is all up to you!  theres no way someone can tell you how to gain it! you just have to think, this is me and i dont care what anyone thinks! I have to live life the best i can! and belive me, talk as much as you want! be open. ur lucky belive it or not, you can talk!  i have a very very VERY hard time talking because i stutter!  Ive been stuttering since i was like 5 and that hasent kept me from talking. sometimes when i talk i stutter and people make fun of me and all i do is finish what i have to say and make fun of them back!   pretty much what im saying, dont let people get you down!  you are you and no matter people say or do, u CANT let them hold you back!

Answer 10

I have lots of friends, and I make them easily 2. but, I used to be the class weirdo, because I missed so much school b/c I had pneumonia. and bronchitis. All you have to do is break the ice by smiling. Often people think breaking the ice is saying something cool that the other person likes. Its not. as the penguins in madagascar (the movie) might say, smile and wave boys, smile and wave. If you think some1s staring @ u, turn around and give them a big smile

                                        

                                         : P

Answer 11

why do you worry what people think of you. The people who bully you are worthless and their opinions do not count. You sound a lovely sensitive caring type of person. The people who try to put you down are only doing this because they are less confident than you and are probably jealous of you. Try to be strong perhaps enrol in an assertiveness course or and Alexander course at an evening class to build you confidence. Do not give up. Things will get easier for you as you get older.

Answer 12

me2 my confiedence has eroded over the years from a series of job losses the first one was simply for the amusment of the firer.