I want to disown my autistic child. Is this possible?

Question

Serious question.

Basically, I have 4 kids, and the second one (he's 6 now) is autistic. Because of this, my wife has to live at home and not work, which is a big hit to us financially. She made significantly more money than I did before Terry was born (our autistic son) as a bank branch manager, and now we're hurting on our mortgage. And the special tutor with have for Terry is not helping. The state helps financially, but barely enough to cover his tutor, and certainly not enough to balance out the loss of income from my wife having to stay home.

Is it possible to give up just one child? I know of situations where the state will take your children from you, but it's usually an all or nothing deal, right? I mean, I love my other children very much... just not Terry. Well, I love him, really, but in a different way. Certainly not in a way that makes me want to let him ruin the rest of the family's life.

Any suggestions?

Answer 1

sell it to science

Answer 2

If other people ask why you disowned him and you say that it was ruining your family's life, that's gonna turn heads. They will think you are selfish and not making sacrifices, which kind of hints that you should do the best you can to take care of him. I think you should maybe have a talk with your family about how you have to make sacrifices for one another--your family is going to be with you all the way, therefore we have the opportunity to sacrifice more for them than for anyone else. Pray for your son and check into some special schooling or day camps. They might have a home-away-from-home place for autistic kids if you want to have him sent there and you can't take care of him. I really wish you guys good luck. Maybe if he's at a camp, your wife will be able to work outside of home while he's there. Good luck, really look into this camp thing. I think there is a camp called Camp Sunshine where they take in autistic kids for a summer camp. I hear it's reallllly great, maybe you could consider it for this or next, or every summer. Once your son gets back, you can see how much fun he had, and how much you missed him while he was gone.

Answer 3

I think this is made up because I can't imagine your wife agreeing to this. Unbelievable.

If you and your wife don't love your son, he would probably be better off in a loving home.

What would your other kids think? Wouldn't they be traumatized?

Answer 4

Autism is a hard problem to deal with. :( My sister has it, and she's barely a person.

Answer 5

Well is is quite obvious to me that you need to look into putting him up for adoption to someone who would love him like he deserves. I hope Terry grows up to be a d**n genius and becomes the next Bill Gates.

Answer 6

Fist of all I would like to commened to for you honesty. Alot of people have hidden feeling about thier kids thats alot of people would shun, but they are still real feelings. You are human and I can understand that if another human is ruining your life you dont like it. Living with autistic children is difficult and alot of parents stick with it for love, but are miserable everyday of their lives. Becoming a parent does mean that you put your childs welfare before yours, but obviously you dont want to do that. You can give up your child in a foster care or group home, but remeber that you will be causing his misery, for your own happiness and more than likely hes going to grow up messed up. And the guilt that you would feel to do that would crush you everyday of your life. Plus I dont think your wife would have it. Good luck my friend. Every person who is in your life is there for a reason and life isnt always meant to be picture perfect. Sometime we learn the most valuable lessons through the hardest of times. You will be blessed in life if you love your son the best way you can and keep him. If you decide to give him up remember that karma will come back to haunt you.

Answer 7

First of all I think it's horrible that you love money more than you love your own child.

Second - yes, it is possible to just give one child up for adoption. In some states they have programs where every 2-3 years they will take the child off of your hands for 6 months to 1 year to allow the parents a break. I don't know where you live so you would have to look up to see if your state has a program like that.

Answer 8

That's HORRIBLE. I'm certain there are parents out there perfect for adopting your son. They can give him the love you can't. I'm pretty sure you can do that. Please do it for his sake. He may be autistic, but he deserves love like any other precious child.  He's locked in there somewhere, and I'm sure he senses your feelings. Love him enough to give him to parents who can appreciate him.

Answer 9

You are disgusting.

Answer 10

Money is more important.

You're sending the message to this child and your others that "I won't love you unless you are perfect and  without problems".

You disgust me. You don't deserve to be a parent to anyone. Pond scum has better values than you do. You make me sick.

Answer 11

Oh dear Lord, I hope you are kidding and just trying to get a rise out of of people on this board.  If not, I have no idea what to say to you, other than the fact that you need to re-examine your conscience.  So sad, whether you are making this up or not.

Answer 12

i suggest you jump off a bridge you worthless prick!

Answer 13

Get a big insurance for your life and commit the perfect suicide so they can't prove you did it.  He's your son, not a peice of garbage!

Answer 14

You are a sick, hateful person.

Answer 15

first off dont get rid of your child if your from New Zealand you can get ' Working for Families' ring IRD and they will send you a booklet to fill out you can get it for all your children and you will get extra for your son Terry.

Answer 16

hey dude, he never asked to be born, least you can do is take care of him

Answer 17

i have a 5 year old with autism and i love her just the same as my son and i would never get rid of her,your a selfish prick!!!!!

Answer 18

I'm sure we don't have the whole picture, but how does your wife feel about u wanting to give him up? Also if it too much of a challenge for u to be a "PARENT" to Terry, they why did u have 2 more??  Bottom line, Terry deserves a loving home either with your wife or with another family. Perhaps the answer is that "YOU" remove yourself from this family instead of Terry being removed.

Answer 19

Ok if she made more why did you not stay home. Why don't you check into one of those schools (like boarding school) for the autistic one that prepares them for living alone   if she is a high functiong autistic.  

She can  go back to work and bring in extra money you can get an extra job. Also why did you keep having kids kind of irresonsible on your part.

Answer 20

That is hateful. You should be ashamed of yourself. You are so selfish, it isn't his choice to be a "special needs" child. You are lucky to have children. I can't believe you would choose to give him to strangers without his siblings or his parents. You are his safety net, and without you guys that he has been raised with he will have even more problems. You don't deserve any of your four children if you feel that one of them is "ruining the rest of the family's life." You should love unconditionally, and unfortunately you don't. That is ridiculous. I hope you are ashamed to show your face.

Answer 21

You are a pathetic excuse for a human being. You should love all your children regardless. Just because you have an "imperfect" child doesn't mean you just throw him away like yesterdays garbage.  He's a child!!! You are the one ruining things.

Answer 22

you reject him because he has a very frustrating condition.  I do not envy your position but I do agree that your coldness towards your son is unacceptable.  You must find new ways to cope with the condition and new ways to make time and find love for him as well.  You will regret it if you don't your whole family will see your shallow core.

Answer 23

Another option is to home school the child, but instead of doing that you just put him to work for one of those home assembly jobs that disabled people do. Like stuffing envelopes or putting together little knick knacks. Just like the pros! Turn that dud into a cash making stud! Plus it'll be easy to get him on stimulants by claiming he has ADD this will make him work harder, faster and trick his brain into believing he is enjoying it.

Answer 24

i really hope your not serious and just trying to upset people on the website. if you are serious.. i think ALL your children would do well to not be in your care. this whole mentallity is rediculous. i cant believe that you blame a child for ruining your family. maybe you have some other issues you should deal with before blaming it on your poor son, like your marriage for instance. its people like this that abuse their children.

you probable are in-fact abuseing this child, if not physically,def emotionally. he will feel the animosity against him and that attitude is going to rub off on your other children as well.

a child is not a pet. you dont just take them "to the shelter" when it doesnt work out!

you know some school districts provide care for special needs children all day. and i dont think that his "special needs" is a good excuse for your wife not to work.

you need to sit down and re check yourself and do some research. but i guess that would be inconvenient to you too.. so i doubt that would happen.

Answer 25

I THINK YOU NEED TO GET A FU*KING LIFE AND I THINK YOUR SO FU*KED BUT BY NOT LOVING YOU CHILD AND WANTING TO GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE HE IS AUTISTIC THATS JUST WRONG YOU LOSER

Answer 26

do not give your child up. a parent is suppose to love their child no matter what

Answer 27

You know something I think that maybe you need to talk this over with your wife ask her how she feels about it.  I'm pretty sure that she will slap you for me.  Stupid ***

Answer 28

I certainly hope you are not serious.  If you are do not worry about giving up just one child, give them ALL up so they can be rasied by someone who deserves a chance to be a parent.  That certainly does not sound like you.  People with this attitude deserve to be alone their whole lives so that they can'y pass on this mixed up, pathetic way of thinking.  If you are serious I pray to God that your children will find a way to get away from you fast before their lives are ruined.

Answer 29

First, yes it is possible. All you have to do is tell them this and they pretty much will take your child. But why would you want to do that? Why don't you find a babysitter or daycare so your wife can work. Honestly there are a ton of places that help him. I know of many in my area, and I live in a small town. I'm sure you have a few. Do some searching, find support groups, etc. Don't give your child up! That is abandonment.

Answer 30

I have an 9 year old autistic child and he means the world to me and i wouldn't change anything. theres alot of resources and groups that can help you. i was shocked to read your question and couldnt believe that someone could say that about a child with a disability or any other child for that matter

maybe youre the one that needs to be checked out

Answer 31

you b*****d wanting to give up a little boy your own flesh and blood,you should burn in h**l .you should be ashamed of your self. i hope your wife and you go die so your children can get the love they deserve especially terry you should die a slow painful death evil!!!!!!!!!!!!!