I want to find my dad,but everytime I talk to my grandparents about it?

Question

They start to question me alot.Then when I leave the room they call my mom and my mom calls me and yells at me.I don't get it.

My mom barely takes part in my life and the only time she talks to me is my birthday and when my grandparents call her and tell her about the dad thing and then she yells.Thats the only time we talk.She lives in a different state so thats why.

But my grandparents question me and it gets so over whelming I just walk away and say "forget it lets pretend I never asked".My parents were teen parents and both couldn't take care of me so they sent me to live with my grandparents and I have my whole life.I know my dad beat my mom and me,but that was years ago my dad could've changed.Plus i'd like to get to know my father before I turn 18.I think about this basically everyday and it's getting to me.

I mean why does my mom get all pissed when I say I wanna meet my dad anyways? she'd never have to see him or talk to him or even get involved with him? and why do my grandparents question about him when I say I wanna find him now?

Answer 1

hmm

thats pretty rough

maybe your mom gets angry

cuz like what your dad did to her

but i dont think that should effect you

your grandparents probably dont want you to see your dad

maybe he was a trouble maker

but if i were you id deff do some searching around on this

id deff want to go and find my dad

maybe try to find his address

this could be like an adventure in the movies

to go out and find him

im not kidding

thats what i would do

good luck :]

Answer 2

Well I'm not sure why your grandparents question you about wanting to know more about your dad..but maybe they feel you would be better off not knowing him, or they feel that they will be replaced by him(same goes with your mom, but since she's not really in your life either it makes this more confusing). Maybe when you bring it up to them you can ask them to just listen to you and to not talk to your mom about it. Also when you talk to your grandparents tell them that you just want a chance to meet your dad and that they will never be replaced. Or if none of the above works, you can wait till your 18(legally an adult) and just look for him yourself. Best of luck, and I hope you can resolve this family conflict.

Answer 3

Okay I'm gonna be brutally honest.

You're stupid.

First of all if your dad was crappy enough to beat your mom why would you want to meet him? Once a hitter always a hitter. Second you need to quit being selfish. If your dad finds out where you are chances are he will find out about your mom. Third boy will you be in for a big surprise when you find him and he probably beats into a pulp. What can I say? Then you would have gotten what you want so dearly.

Answer 4

maybe there's more to the story then you know and they think that they are protecting you by not telling you every thing. why don't you start asking them some questions. let them know your not trying to argue with them you just feel like you are old enough to know the truth about every thing and why everyone gets all upset about wanting to find your father. if they yell and you walk away you'll never get your answer let them know by them yelling at you and not sitting and talking they aren't changing your mind. good luck and be patient with your grandparents they are only doing what they think is right for you, and that's why you need to talk with them and let them know what you think  is right for you and that's the truth.

Answer 5

First of all your mom loves you...it is her first priority to want to protect you! Secondly, she may still be hurt from things that have happened in the past and just can't seem to let it go - understandably if there was abuse involved! Third, it may hurt her feelings a bit to hear that you want to have anything to do with him and she just may not be able to deal with that!

If this is the case, I would wait until you are 18 and do it on your own - don't try to force your family into an uncomfortable situation that they may not be ready for!

I come from a similiar history - never knew my dad...everyone else did - but no one would ever offered  information. I finally came to the understing that my dad could have (at any time) made an effort to at least meet me if he wanted to....we lived in the same county....I even went on a date with one of his own employees (didn't realize it until after)....he never made the attempt...he never denied me as his child, and I was told by his 'employee' whom I dated very shortly that he was happy to hear I was doing well and that he always trusted in my mother to do the best for me and he was glad to know he was right....I thought that was a nice gesture - but it didn't change the fact that he still did not want to be a part of my life....

I was lucky as well - he was never abusive to my mother, he just wasn't ready for children....whenever I asked my mom about him that is what she said to me - no more and no less, simple and I was always satisfied with that answer....occasionally she would describe to me how he looked in appearance and that I shared some of his features...but still no more than that....and she never got angry or upset with me when I did ask...if she did then she kept it to herself!

While I disagree with how she may have handled this situation with you, I don't think it would be fair of you to try to make your family feel guilty for loving you and probably trying to protect you from any kind of negativity that could come from having anything to do with your dad....or trying to talk them into going against their better judgement and pushing them into something that could possibly turn ugly and effect everyone concerned....wait til you are 18 - you don't have too much longer to wait...then do it on your own! I wouldn't even tell your family so that they wouldn't get upset or worry...if things work out in rekindling the father/daughter relationship then you could try easing your family into the idea, but if it didn't work out the way you are hoping then at least you wouldn't have to listen to them tell you 'I told you so' ...or whatever!

Answer 6

they are tring to protect you and your grand parents are tring to protect your mum and you but you have every right to know

Answer 7

Maybe if he is an abuser she may be scared he could hurt you.

Answer 8

If I were you, I'd ask your mom or grandparents WHY they don't want you to see him. It might be something they've never told you, and it could possibly change your mind.

Tell them to be truthful when they tell anything and not to exaggerate, or under-exaggerate.

And if they start yelling at you, tell them that it's completely normal to question who your father is when you've barely met him.

If they still refuse to give you any information, talk to other relatives, and try contacting your dad on your own.

There's a website that's free called www.zabasearch.com and you can search their names, and where they've lived, and sometimes even their address. I think it you pay for a more advanced version, you can get their records and more information.

Good luck!