I want to find my mum...?

Question

i was put into foster care at the age of 3 nearly 4. i am now 19 and every day i become more curious of who my birth mother is. im not mad at her as she gave me up because she couldnt cope. how do i go about looking for her? has anybody elese had a situation like his? have you met a birth parent? was it awkward? is it somthing to just forget about?

Answer 1

Were you raised in foster care or were you fully adopted?

If you were raised in foster care you would still have your original last name and still have access to your OBC (original birth certificate) which would list the name of your parents. It would simply be a matter of looking them up.

If you were formally adopted, it will be a lil harder. You'll need to first apply for your non identifying information. It will give you an idea of things like what your birth mother looked like and why she decided to give you up. You'll need to do a full on search most likly starting from scratch with no name or anything. It can be a long hard process that can take years with no gaurenteed outcome.

It's normal to be curious about your origins. Alot of adoptees are. If searching and finding your birthmother is something that you want to do, then it's not something to simply forget about. But be prepared for a long frustrating haul and a rollercoaster of emotions.

I found my birthmother about ten years ago. For me it was the best thing I ever did. I've never regretted it. I found my birthmother to be a wonderfull woman that made some tough choices when she decided to give me up. I love her and my sister & brothers very much. For me at first it was a little awkward, we had to reestablish a relationship, we didn't know each other. Ten years later, we're very close.

At www.adultadoptees.org you'll find lots of support from people that have been through it all before.

Answer 2

You never ever forget. I found my birth mother. I had to hir a PI to do it though. But, it was the best $300 I ever spent. I know everyone now. She even got me in contact with my father. I went from one day not knowing anything and then 3 phone calls later parents, grand parents, 2 brothers, 3 sisters, aunts, uncles and guess what? They all looked or resembled me. Talk about incredible. I never met anyone that looked like me before. Now they are around all the time. I was very lucky though. I was welcomed with open arms by both families. I am even an aunt now.

My PI found her because her hospital bills were not paid from my birth. She said she finds lots of BMs that way and by searching the newspaper anouncements that are put in from the hospital (not the personal ones by families) She said that very often those announcements are mistakenly put in the paper so, check there too.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Your use of the word 'mum' leads me to believe that you are either British or Australian.  

If you are, then you are fortunate that the records in those countries are open to you and you will be able to get your adoption file and original birth records.   The USA is the only country which seals the records from the very people they belong to and I'm glad you were not born there (or appear  not to have been)

If you could edit your answer to indicate where you were born, people would be able to give you a more accurate answer and guidance.

Answer 4

take time n be patient,u must try to ask ur adopted parents who may know better of ur birth parents.or try ur luck thru media help.good luck.

Answer 5

Many, many people separated from their first parents search.  I did.  I am reunited with my first family and it's been a good thing for us.  They relinquished me when I was 13 months old.

I have a question about your status.  Were you adopted?  You say you were placed in foster care, but that's no guarantee you were adopted.  

If you were not adopted, your original birth certificate is NOT sealed.  Just being given up for adoption does not seal that record.  An adoption has to occur and be finalized in order for your birth certificate to seal.  So, if you don't remember your first mom's name, then you can just apply for your birth certificate and get it.

From there, lots of information is available to help with searching.  

If you were adopted, there is the issue of whether or not you were adopted in a state that allows you your original birth certificate or not.  This Website http://adopteerights.net/nulliusfilius/?... will give you information about searching and the laws regarding access to information for all states.  You want to go by the the state in which you were adopted, if you were adopted.

Answer 6

Do you know if they went through someone? meaning you adoptive parents. I herd this on a show but i thought it was a great thing. She lady in it was talking to a ki who was adopted anyway she said SHE CHOOSE TO LOVE YOU. To me that is really special because in my family my mom didn;t just become pregnant with her 3 kids+me.  I know somewhat how you feel. With me my mom went throught a privet anoymos sperm doner. We don't know him but the 4 of us are curious.   I am moving to the south but recently i found he lives in florida. Try talking to who ever  your parents went through.

Say to your parents. you know i love you but i curious about my birth parents. i am wondering if you would be willing to help me and could tell me everything you know. If you don't feel comfertable right now i understand but i am wondering

You rbirth mom just tried to do the best thing for you most parents ALWAYS have that in mind even when your fighting with them.  GOOD LUCK on finding them and in life.