I want to get engaged after 4 years with him, he don't agree!!

Question

I have been with my partner for four years now, we have had alot of ups and downs, we lost a baby to miscarriage 2 years ago. and i feel its time to make a commitment after everything we have been through together and come out the other side stronger. but he feels he is 2 young (26) to make that commitment, im not proposing marriage straight away i just would like to see our relationship moving along after all the time invested in it!

am i wasting my time that after 4 years together he dosent feel this way????

Answer 1

I've been there, done that. He might actually want to get married, just not to you.  Honey, stop investing time in a relationship that has dead ended.  While there will be several posters who claimed "oh, but after 7 years he asked me to marry him", they are far and few between.  I made this mistake not once, but twice (different guys).  Don't fall for it.  He's 26 and he knows whether he wants to marry you or not by now, and it looks like not.  I know the pain.  

Answer 2

If he isn't ready then you can't force him to marry you. If you love him you will wait until he is ready.

Answer 3

If after 4 years and a mis-carriage he feels he's too young.....and that's stupid IMO after all he wasn't too young to be a father, yet he's too young to be a fiance?......quite frankly it aint gonna happen so....

cut your losses Hon and move on....he's NOT the one for you...and next time, becareful....wait until after the wedding band is on your finger before making the comittment of parenthood....there is such a thing as Birth control and waiting until you are emotionally comitted, Both of you, before getting that close...understand? Good luck.

Answer 4

If you don't expect to get married right away, then what is the point of *forcing* an engagement? It doesn't make sense.

It could be that he feels 26 is too young.  I'm 26 now and I feel that I may be too young to get married as well.  My fiance is almost 30 and the marriage bug didn't hit him until last year (and we've been together for 6 years!!).

Honestly, ask yourself what you are really looking for.  Forcing an engagement on him when you don't even want to get married now isn't a good idea.  If you feel that you are missing a commitment from him then maybe its because the relationship isn't fulfilling your needs in another way.  

Answer 5

Has it ever crossed your mind that he is not the one meant for you? That he does not want to settle down because he does not feel for you that way? I mean you can love someone, but there is a difference in loving someone and being in love with some. I don't mean to be negative, but if he has not asked you to spend that rest of your life with him, then maybe it's something that he does not see or want. As for the age thing I think that is only an excuse for him. When you are ready, you are ready. Nothing will stop that. My husband and I are both very young and knew from day one what we wanted with each other. I personally think that may y'all should take a brake and see how things go. Clear your minds and find out what it is y'all are really looking for and go from there. You seem very sweet, and deserve to be with someone that loves you, not only loves you, but is madly and deeply in love with you.

I hope I did not make you feel even worse then I am sure you already do and I may even be wrong, but at least I have you some food for thought.

Good luck!  

Answer 6

he has given you a concrete answer, he does not want to get married.  to you.  after 4 years.  and even tho he is 26 he is not willing to even put a timetable on moving forward into a more adult-like commitment.

i'd say you have more than enuf information here.  read the book 'why men marry some women and not others' for more info.  

until you finish that book i would tell him you are busy washing your hair when he calls......

oh, please dont tell me you are living with him.  if you are, you dont stand a chance of marriage because not only is he willing for you to be a fake wife with all the benefits of that,  you have already given him anything he could possibly want..  why would he do anything more for you?  you have already shown him he doesnt have to do anything for you to make a commitment to him.  very very foolish.

good for you to not live with him.  good things ahead for smart girl YOU.

Answer 7

i think that you might want to leave him .... sorry

Answer 8

Well, if he's willing to have a kid with you then he should be willing to a least to step up a bit. Ask if he wants to move in, that way it's not the big commitment but a least it's a step up and then you'll see whether you would even want to marry him. If not it wasn't a waste of time, you learned alot and no matter what you had fun together. Everyone has their ups and downs.  

Answer 9

GOOD girl not living with him. So rare. I'd drop him. After 4 years and ALL of that you would think he'd grown up already.

Answer 10

It is time to move on!  He should know by now that he wants to spend his life with you!

I would be honest with him about how you feel.  Oh yeah, and be careful about not getting pregnant again either since that is no way to "force" a marriage to happen.  You'll wind up with a child you will be raising all by yourself.

Let him go and find the love you deserve!

Answer 11

leave him buy new clothes go out and have a good time you may change his mind you may not either way you will be moving forward not standing still