I want to go to the pub tonight but it's always busy on a Saturday.?

Question

Can anyone recommend a good Tazer or other non-lethal weapon to help clear a space at the bar. It needs to work on women as well as men as we attract a lot of Hen Parties in there.

Answer 1

I would simply break wind, again and again and again - that will clear the bar area!

Answer 2

You've got issues if you want to take a Taser just because the bar is crowded... you probably shouldn't own a tazer....

Answer 3

I can help, can I go with you, I'm so bored... :(

Answer 4

Well,

I suggest that If you want to go to the pub, and you want a nice spot to sit down on, just get there early. When your ready to leave, leave.

Answer 5

pull out your big d**k (for the lassies) and p**s away all the competition...

Answer 6

Borrow or steal a wheelchair. Or crutches. Sympathy vote with the girlies - you'll be a babe magnet!!

Hee hee. Make sure no-one is in the wheelchair at the time though. That would be unkind.

Answer 7

... put some chicken p**p on your forehead ... this will cause people to clear out of your way ...

Answer 8

This wouldn't be Temple Bar in Dublin would it?? If so I recommend a very lethal tazar.

Answer 9

Stand at the back of the bar looking really cool and calmly say, "I'll have a Babycham". All the impressionable locals will look at you in utter disbelief before deciding "hey, it must be cool if this guy drinks it". Soon everyone in the bar will be drinking Babycham.

Errm, that doesn't help though, does it?

Shitt, I'll never get the hang of this....

Answer 10

stink bombs

Answer 11

Stick your elbows out & tap people on the other shoulder so as they turn round you walk in front of them :o)

Alos bend down a bit to walk under peoples arms & they won't even notice

Answer 12

Try and find a No Smoking one. They're normally empty.

Answer 13

Just drop your guts mate! me and me pals swear by it.

Answer 14

just don't take a shower before you go and run around the block a few times, that  should get people out of your way

Answer 15

Swear incredibly loudly, farting always works, stare and comment on womens breast erm what else do customers at work do spill other peoples beer, wear a matching tracksuit with huge boots and tuck the tracksuit trousers into your white socks. Basically be a t**t. Hope this helps.