I want to have a baby! how do i Convince my Boyfriend?

Question

I am 28 and my boyfriend is 25. I have wanted children since i was 15 and managed to wait this long. I love my boyfriend and i want to marry him but i want a baby more. We have been together for 2 years now and we have discussed marriage and children, we both agree that we want marriage and children but we haven't discussed when. it has been almost a year since that discussion and now i'm wondering when he'll ask me to marry him and can i wait until then to have his baby? i have ignored this for almost 6 months now but it's starting to eat at me and i'm starting to want a baby more and more as i spend time with my friends babies. we have lived together for a year and know each other well (habits, personality, Etc.) I don't know how to tel him how i'm feeling!!!! I don't want to rush him into marriage but at the same time having a baby seems to overrule "marriage first" in my eyes (now that i'm 28) the clock is ticking and i have seen first hand what can happen if you wait too long!!! I just don't want to destroy our relationship!!!!!! What do i do????? All advice is welcomed!!!! Men please tell me your perspective!!!!! Thanks!!

Answer 1

I'm not necessarily against having a baby before you are married (because i did!), but once you have this baby, there are no guarantees that he'll stick around forever. Of course there are no guarantees with marriage either, but people who are married seem to work a little harder to make the relationship work before giving up. I think first you need to sit down and talk to him and explain to him that you feel like your clock is ticking and you'd really like to start a family. See how he feels about having a baby before getting married. Maybe this would be the nudge to get him to propose! Who knows, but you definitely need to consider his feelings on this. Both things-marriage and having a baby-are huge life changing events. So be careful in what you choose and what order you choose.  

Answer 2

Unfortunatley this comes with dating someone that is younger than you. In reality your boyfriend's maturity level is only about 22 or 23, boys mature slower than girls, so his mind set is not where yours is yet.  If you really want a baby, I suggest that you try talking to him about the importance of a baby and marriage to you and see how he is feeling about it.  Just because you think everything is all good, he may not have it in his heart to spend the rest of his life with you.  If you dont feel that you can talk openly with your man about your really wanting marriage and babies, then maybe he isnt the man for you.  You can not rush a man to the alter or to have a baby, it will only end in disaster.  Talk to him and be open and see if the two of you can come to an agreement.  I know you feel your biological clock is ticking but its better that the baby be born into a stable relationship than one that is rocky or could end in disaster.

Answer 3

Just because "the clock is ticking" doesn't mean you should

By the way , you're ONLY 28. I'm 30 and know wholeheartedly I'm not ready for children.

You can't pressure your boyfriend to ask you to marry him, nor pressure him for a child - unfortunately, it will only backfire.

If you are 100% ready for a child, but he isn't, it's obvious you have to move on and find someone who is ready.

But man! What's the rush!?

Enjoy your life while you're young - plenty of time for children etc

All The Best   :-)

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is talk to him about marriage plans. Tell him your concerns about starting a family and not waiting too long, but at the same time tell him you don't want him to feel rushed. You would never want to push him away.

If you plan to get married, I would suggest trying to do that first. I only say this because it will be easier to plan a wedding when you're not pregnant or running after a chid. Trust me, you're not TOO old at all. You do still have time. You can plan a wedding fairly quickly after he pops the question. Good luck!

Answer 5

If it bothers you that bad you should just talk to him.  Bring it up casually.  Don't let things fester.  You will only feel resentment towards him.  Make sure he wants all the thing that you want.  You need to know now.  If he doesn't want a family you need to start looking for someone who does.  after you turn thirty the chances of having a baby with down syndrome goes up by fifty percent.

Answer 6

I think that you are totally valid in wanting children. If he doesn't I think that is valid also. You wouldn't want to have a family with someone who isn't ready although it seems like the clock is ticking still take your time and make sure this is the right time for you both to have a child together. If you tell him how you feel and still wants to wait then it is probably in your best interest to find someone who is at the same point in there life as you are! 28 is not old enough to just settle because you think you wont be able to have a child. ( I don't think there is any age when someone should settle but people still do all the time) Good luck I hope everything works out for the best for you!  

Answer 7

I agree with VA Mama.

At 28 the clock is not ticking.  You have a few years yet.   My mom had me when she was 37.

I would recommend having a baby before you're 36 since the chances of conceiving lessen after that and abnormalities can occur with the baby if you do conceive.

Your boyfriend may not feel ready for marriage yet.  He is only 25.

You can't convince anyone to marry without driving them away.

I wouldn't rush into having a baby without him marrying you first only because he may not stay around.  There's no guarantee that a man will stay around or even marry after a child is born.

Answer 8

u can't convince someone who isn't ready.

Answer 9

If he isn't ready to commit to loving you and ONLY you via marriage, what makes you think he's ready to commit to spending the next 18 years of his life helping to mold an infant into a mature, responsible, healthy young man or woman?

If you really are convinced that this is THE guy, then wait for him to propose marriage. But if there's a doubt whether he is the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with (and your CHILDREN'S lives with) then I'd say it might be time to have "the talk". (And I don't mean pressuring him to get married...I mean if you really search your feelings and he isn't the guy it's time to start over looking for Mr. Right. I know it's hard when you've been in a relationship long-term but I ended a relationship of 3 years before meeting the woman I married and now have a 3 year old son with.)

Answer 10

Men don't feel the urge to get married and have a family until later than women and since he is younger than you that makes it even worse. Sit down with him and tell him how your feeling. Explain that you feel the relationship is good and see if he feels the same way. Tell him you don't want to trap him but you need to understand where he is with your relationship cause you are ready to take the next step and/or have a baby.

Answer 11

I recently had this type of conversation with my boyfriend. He didn't really understand why I would want a baby more than being married. To me, the unconditional love for a child seems so natural right now. I'm in my prime and motherhood is wanting to kick in. The whole idea of marriage has dwindled in past however many years - where like 50% of marriages are ending in divorce. A child's love will be there forever. And the fact that I don't believe in any religion, makes getting married in a church meaningless. So to me, marriage is more like a legal binding document than showing how my love for him is never ending.

However, our conversation went on and on. Basically, you need to decide what's best for your situation. If you feel a baby is a higher priority, and you can bring him/her into a healthy home, then by all means go for it.

My BF seemed to be a little old-fashioned about these topics and although he isn't religious at all, he still seemed a little uncomfortable with having a child out of wedlock. I think it has to do with how other people would look at us for choosing a baby first.

Just talk to him about it. Put your feelings out on the table and figure out his too. It really helps when you get inside their head! :)

Answer 12

Bring marriage up casually with him.  Or, if you think he's the type of person who wouldn't crack under pressure...go on a group date with a friend and ask her/him to bring up marriage.

Baby comes after marriage.