I want to have baby but...my bf...?

Question

I'm 17. 18 in Dec. I want to have a baby with my boyfriend.(we are virgins) We are really open with each other.(unlike must people)

Well anyways, i wanted to be with him. (He lives in MI and me in OK. Long-distance relationship right now but next month he is coming to visit) I told him recently I want to marry him and have a baby with him. He said that he would love that but he wants me to finish school and go to college first. I was a bit sad. (I guess i should add that he is 3yrs older than me and he will be turn 21 in August) He also said that it would be wrong with me being underage. And that if we did, he wont be able to completely support us. He is job pays well but he is also helping his mom pay her bills(long story includes his sister and his mom's exhusband)

I know he means well and he knows soon as i finish high school, i'm going there. I dont want to wait 4-5 years to marry him and start a family with him.

I dont know what to do.Should i push it more or stop? T-T Help me

Answer 1

Teen pregnancy seems glamorized by the likes of Juno and Jamie Lynn Spears, but most teens are NOT ready to have a child. You need to finish school to whatever extent you can. Experience matters in the safety and growth of a child. If you think you are ready and responsible, you should take parenting classes. However hard it is to wait, you are not ready. I'm sorry, but for you and your child's sake, you need more experience and growth for yourself!

Answer 2

Check this scenario:  you push him, he gives in, you get pregnant and have a baby.  Now what?  You're stuck with a child.  Meanwhile, he moves on because he can't stand the pressure, because he can't take care of his mama, his sister, and his baby.  What will you do then?  Get a job.  Yeah, sure.  That's a whole heap easier said than done.  Your dude gets much props from me, because he's being mature and honest about this.  That's proof that he loves you.  And if you love him, you'll do the right thing, too, and give it some time.  You don't want to end up on "Jerry Springer" or "Maury" somewhere.

Answer 3

First of all you are trippen. Why would you want a baby at 18? Your life has just begun. When you have a baby you are no longer you. You are mom for the rest of your days. Not to mention he is telling you that he is not ready. Just listen or you will be mad when you are 18 and a single mother whose baby daddy doesn't make enough to pay child support.

Answer 4

get another boyfriend...

Answer 5

Ok well I really think you shouldn't push it further. because life is ALOT easier without having to go to school with a new born baby and a husband and a job and everything else to worry about. I think you should take things slow and do one thing at a time. But, it is your life and if you think you can handle all that responsibility I say go for it.

Answer 6

Yes you need to finish school and go on to college. You are only 17 and you have this whole long distance relationship and having a baby would only make things worse. Who knows how is in Michigan, are you sure he does not have a girlfriend there? Men are so hard to trust and when its a long distance thing it can only complicate things. Please do not do anything drastic as there are a lot of other issues that he has to deal with and babies are expensive and you would not want to have to live on welfare. Take care.

Answer 7

Why are you in such a rush??

Having a baby can mess up your life at a young age. You would have to give up everything. No more partying for you bc you will be home all day trying to take care of a baby while your friends are out havin a good time and finishing school. You will regret it if you have a baby that fast. I agree with your man. He sounds like a good person so dont push him into doin things too fast.

Answer 8

How does the idea of living for the rest of your life in near poverty make you feel? Because that should make you feel sad. Don't worry about having a baby now, you have your whole life ahead of you. Make something of yourself first, then worry about a family. Don't you want to be able to give your child the very best?

Answer 9

sounds like u both really care about eachother lots, and if he feels that he isnt excatlly ready for a family then u should accept the fact that he wants u going to school first and u both getting a good paying job to help u out so when(if) u do get married.

just wait the extra time, its not going to kill u to not have a family with ur man

i do wish the best for  both, and congrads on being together

:]

Answer 10

A baby deserves to be born in to a home that is stable, where it can have it's needs provided for.  If he says he can't support one yet, then you need to respect that.  

In addition, you are still young.  One of the worst things is to start a family, get tied down, and then wonder for the rest of your life what you missed.  I married at 25, and really did some incredible things before I did.  I went to school, dated, travelled the world, worked....things that helped me to learn and grow as a person.  You deserve to experience life before you give birth to another life.  And I think your future children deserve to have a mother that has experienced life.  You will be a better mother and wife if you focus on yourself for the next few years instead of on starting a family.

Answer 11

you need to finish school!!! havent u learned from allthose teenage stories about pregnancy and how it can ruin lives if not prepared????!!!! having a child is best when the two live alone and HAVE money for thingsbecause theyre financially stable!!! you wouldhave to be an idiot to want kids at 17 years old!!!! your bearly gonna bean adult, dont ruin your life, 25 or older is the best age for this stufff

Answer 12

Having a baby means life is no longer about you.  The child will have to come first even if it means you have to stay up all night to take care of a sick baby.  Also where is the money going to come from to feed and clothe and have a home for this child.  If you want to be selfish and make life hard just because you want something.  Life will be hard for the baby and the father and you.  You are young and you need to take the time to grow up.  Being a mom and a wife is not easy even when you are older and have a good paying job.  It takes a lot of work.  To do it now would be so wrong for everyone.  Talk to your mom about this.  I hope you will listen to what just about everyone has said on this subject.  Good luck.

Answer 13

firts of all , you shoulnd't talk to people over the internet with out even meeting them you are so young why would you want to have a baby and get married?? you think it will make you happy?? it won't...you need to go to college party!!! have fun make friends learn !!!! not have a baby abd be at home  cleaning the house being home 24/7 with a crying baby you really need to look more into it you are WAY to young

Answer 14

wait until you can support yourself and the baby by yourself just in case your relationship goes sour and you split up after the baby is born.

Answer 15

Take it slow. You have your whole life to become a mom. Studies show that children whose mothers were at least 30 when they were born do a lot better. I'm not saying that you should wait that long if you feel that you are ready, but having a child is a big responsibility and your whole family will be better off if you wait a few years. Also, having a child puts a lot of stress on the relationship and if your boyfriend feels pressured into it, then he'll be that much more likely to resent you both.

Don't be sad, just think, you'll be so much better off the older you get.

Answer 16

Honey, let me tell you from experience, I got pregnant at 17 and married at 17. I love my daughter and my husband, but therer are so many things I didnt get to do. He's saving you in a way, he's very smart. You need to wait, things change feelings change, but once you're married you can't just walk away, when there's a child that child is your life, no more partying, no more jumping at the frist oportunity you get to have a road trip, etc. You sacrifice a lot of things if not everything for your family once it begins. You should wait. Experience life, have fun, then settle down.

Answer 17

honestly it sounds like he doesnt want to be trapped by a girl that lives in another state who has his baby... hes 21? yea he still wants his freedom but he was tellin u in a nice way. and ur definately too young to want kids bc... allllllll ur freedom disappears

Answer 18

Oh you sound like a sweet girl. He is right though and it's the best thing for your baby. My partner and I have had an unplanned pregnancy and although we are happy, I have deferred uni until the baby is older - which means less time with my bub when it finally comes in November! It's great that you have a plan and you want to have kids, that's the best foundation for your family to be built onto. There's plenty of time.

Answer 19

i think you should stop because he seems like a pretty well-rounded person and really responsible so you shouldnt waste someone like that and it will probably be worth the wait. with him you most likely will have a successful life.

Answer 20

Based on what information was given, he is in the right. It would be best to be wed to have a child, and it would be better if him or both of you finished college and were in the correct age with the proper education. Also, since it takes a lot of money to have and raise a kid, it would be easier on both of you if you two were in stable money conditions (good house, good jobs, in good emotional and physical terms), rather then have a baby right away, since it may send you into debt, with him already giving a section of his raise to family.

I would most likely stop pushing it upon him and wait until it is the right time for both of you.

Answer 21

Im in the same situstion except my bf and i live closer. But the more i push it the more excuses he has. So dont push it just randomly bring it up..

Answer 22

He's right, I hate to say it.

Once you have a baby you won't have a life of your own for 18 years.  You will be a mom, and those people are responsible for so much that they will need to take care of that.

I have 5 kids, I am a professional, and did go to college while my kids were small, and it was a big chore.  I advise you to wait a little while, get your school out of the way, get a career going, a home, a nice car, and everything you want before the lovely little bundles of joy come your way.

That way you can concentrate on loving and caring for your children in the most wonderful way, without extra distractions of school and your own needs... .  children need  a lot.  if you are not quite 18, you know and can remember the amount of attention that you needed from your mom.... You would not wish for anything less for your children.... huh?

Good luck, though.

addendum:

Having a baby does NOT mess up your life.  It changes it.  Do you think a child wants to know or believe that they are a problem and not a loved human being?  Children are NOT mistakes, they are lovely gifts for you to cherish.  

What having a baby does do is delay your life.  You may regret many things when you have a baby so early.  you won't get to enjoy travel as much because children are expensive and take up a lot of your attention so you won't get to see the Giraffe at the zoo spit at you, you will miss the cute little spin the seal did, you won't get to see how grand the Grand Canyon is, because little Jimmy spit up all over your clothes, you won't get to do much  **UNTIL** they are grown, then you may be too tired or too broke from raising the child with no marketable skills because you did not go to school because you had to take care of the baby, child.  And, what if it became multiples?  Twins are even more fun...  

Do you really wish to delay your own personal fulfillment and enrichment for 18 years until your child is finished needing you to fulfill his life?

Answer 23

HAHAHAHAHAHAAA

HAHAHAHAHAHA!    LAY DOWN TIL THE FEELING GOES AWAY    THATS MY ADVICE!

Answer 24

dont ruin your life

your too young to have a family

take your time

because your not gonna have time to be with him

spend some years just you and him

and when you guys get older you can start a family

Answer 25

slow down, your fella seems very level headed and very mature. listen to him. you need to finish school and enjoy life outside of school and mom & dads house. trust me you will enjoy being a mom and wife much more if you wait 2/3 years.

Answer 26

I don't want you to think that I am one of those other ladies in this section that is going to tell you to suck it up and wait... I am a 20 year old mom of two.

I is really in your best interest to wait... at least until you start some sort of school. Think about the baby.... This is a big decision, you shouldnt jump into it. You need to think long and hard before you make it....

Good luck.

Answer 27

Don't push him he is right, theres no need to rush things, have fun with each other, be young.

Answer 28

Alice, having a baby is a really big responsibility. I'm sorry to be vague and shallow but you're 17. I know you want to have a baby and i respect that. I reccomend you finish school first, have more goals in life. And then, when you have a stable plan for a future life, you can start planning to have a baby.

Even if you have a baby, how are you, let alone him, going to provide for your baby. Don't you want to give your baby the best childhood and provide him/her with the best in life? I think you should wait until you can do that for your baby =)

I know you'll be a great mother. Considering the fact you want a kid but it's best to wait until everything is set up for him/her. Don't pressure your boyfriend. He is really reasonable and he wants the best for you. I hope you'll see the light and understand what i'm trying to tell you.

Answer 29

I would really stop.  How did you guys meet?  If it's on the internet, I think this is a relationship that might be going nowhere fast.

At least he was thinking out for your well-being.  And I think it's also his way of saying that he's not ready to be a daddy, either, which is very smart of him.  If you love him enough to wait 4 or 5 years, it would be a better decision in the long run instead of pushing to have babies now.  BTW, what's the big rush to have a baby now?