I want to hear about people who adopted from China?

Question

Hi I am looking into adopting a little girl from China. If you have gone through that can you please tell me about the process and your experience? If you live in Connecticut can you refer me an agency?

** Please don't tell me that I should adopt kids from the US... I am tired of mother changing their minds and asking for the Child back.

Call me selfish but if I am adopting a baby I don't want to give it back because the mother is haven't smoked crack for two days and think she is rehabilitated or the father got out of jail. If I am bringing a baby home and introducing to my other children and getting attached I want to keep that baby.

Answer 1

OK, I'll call you on it. Your selfish as well as ignorant.

No, can't help refer any agency's. China has started weeding out dysfunctional cows from raising innocent kids. Good for them.  Sorry about your infertility. Why don't you just help other infertiles by gifting them one of your bio kids.

Answer 2

You're very selfish..

Answer 3

I've gone through it twice and the experience was great.  Just to forewarn you if you are looking for non special needs the wait is 3 to 5 years.  If you choose special needs the wait in less than a year.  Many of the SN are quite manageable.  The process is not that bad just time consuming getting all the government paperwork.  Your agency should walk you through all that though.

Try Adoption Associates Inc.  We used them for both of our adoptions and they have an office in Connecticut.  They are wonderful.  If you choose against China they also do Russia, Haiti, Ethiopia, Nepal and Guatemala (I would steer away from Guatemala though)

Remember many people here will discourage you from IA, they think foster care in the US is the only place to adopt from.  Some can be very closed minded and set in their beliefs.

Answer 4

Here's a list of books adult adoptees recommend reading:

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Here's the blog of a man who has adopted from China:

http://research-china.blogspot.com/

A video on China's Stolen Children:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgFxEPePO...

A message board for international adoptive parents:

http://www.informedadoptions.com/forum/i...

The trailer for "Adopted: The Movie":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv7JPYc3Z...

That's just a start.  Hopefully that helps.

Answer 5

Your best bet is to go to this site, read about adoption from China and search for a few local agencies. You can go and visit them and go to their initial informational meetings without making a final decision. Consider the agency's experience in particular because China is one of those program counties with very good agencies an much flightier operations.

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/china_ad...

Also if you're not absolutely certain that China is the best match for you, have you thought about other counties? Often a more flexible approach is useful when you initially approach international adoption. You may be a much better match for another program or you may have an outstanding agency in your backyard that doesn't happen to offer Chinese adoption.

Oh and please don't pay a lot of attention to your detractors. Sadly they think that others should put walk a mile in their shoes but cannot conceive of doing that themselves.

Answer 6

" I am tired of mother changing their minds and asking for the Child back.  Call me selfish but if I am adopting a baby I don't want to give it back because the mother is haven't smoked crack for two days"

Translation: I am tired of that selfish w***e who decides to change her mind and inconvenience ME. No, really, how dare she. She changes her mind when it's convenient for her and will want MY child. Call me selfish, but if *I* am adopting a baby, I don't want to end up abiding by another human being's desires, because after all, the birthmother is just going to be selfish, crack-addicted teen who is unwed and she doesn't deserve her own baby. Oh, and just because she hasn't smoked crack for a few days doesn't mean she's sober because OBVIOUSLY a mother randomly decides to stop doing drugs for EXACTLY two days and then decides life is absolutely perfect again."

You sure it's going to be about you and not the child?

You even realize that your thoughts are partially selfish ("Call me selfish but if I am adopting a baby I don't want to give it back") because before you have even adopted, you're already going, "OMG how dare that mother want to keep her own infant!"

You really, really need to talk to mothers who have relinquished children and read the blogs of adoptees who have reunited. It'll give you an entirely new perspective.

And if I sound blunt - you needed it. You really did. Adoption is NOT about your wants and needs. Women are not willing to get pregnant just so YOU can have YOUR child. They are not baby suppliers. They do not have babies ready to order. They are human beings - just like you.

http://thirdmom.blogspot.com/

http://heartmindandseoul.typepad.com/

http://writingmywrongs.typepad.com/

ETA:

"Do you have any idea what it feels to get attached to that child and have someone take it away from you?"

Do you have any idea what it feels like to become psychologically and emotionally attached to a child that's been growing inside your womb for 9 months - only to have that taken away?

Because that's what first moms go through.

People say, "I don't know how a mother could give up her baby, I certainly couldn't give up my [adopted] child!"

Yet women are forced to do this every day. Women in China, women in Korea, women in Vietnam. Adoptive parents cannot usually understand the traumatic pain when the bio parents have to give up a child, and they say stuff like "I could never give that child back, can't you understand how much that would hurt?"

Except that... you know... the biological parents HAD to do just that. Yet no one wants to hear them.

"Yes the child is more important than my need BUT you know that that baby is better off with you!"

... And how do you know that for sure? You don't. Yeah, you could say "that baby will have a better life with me" - but who is to decide what a 'better life' is?

You say the child is more important than your need, yet you go on to make the assumption that the child will be better off with you anyway. :\

Answer 7

Adopting from China is not as easy as it used to be.  

However, I do not know if you are a good candidate for adoption.  You seem to have no respect for the biological parents.  You are not the person to decide whether a child is better off with you or her/his biological family.  If you ask me, no matter how much money you have, how big of a house you have, how much money you have spent on lawyers, you still cannot, will not be as good for the child as staying with the biological family.  You knew that "your baby" wasn't yours until the final papers, so why are you so angry?  When you adopt you take that risk.

You need to act respectful, you are not the victim here.  Adoption is NOT NOT NOT about finding children for parents, but is about finding parents for children.  Please get that in your head.  You are not entitled to anyone's children except your own biological children.