I want to hear you opinions on this.?

Question

Would some one who is adopted be a better adoptive parent then some one who wasn't adopted?

i am just wondering this as i want to eventually adopt a child of my own, and i know how hard it was on me when i was growing up being adopted and knowing that my adoptive mother has no idea what is going through my head or how i feel, i thought this would be a good question, i really would like to hear all of your different opinions on this subject.

thank you in advance

Answer 1

What difference?

Answer 2

I think it is all about how much you love your child, and there is no way to quantify this answer. Regardless, adopted or not, everyone feels that their parents had no idea what was going on in their heads. My family was full of adoptions (my aunt, and 3 of my 4 siblings).

I think the main thing is that you do not make excuses about being adopted. Every child goes through the same stages and changes, and fears. Being adopted is just an extra thing to get over. Trust me, after getting to know my bio father I am SO glad he did not raise me.

I suppose that the point I am trying to make is this.... Growing up sucks for everyone. It is hard and it hurts for various different reasons, being adopted is one of them, so is being poor, abused, feeling insecure about looks, intelligence, friends whatever. If you adopt a child then you will have a better understanding of that thing they go through, but they are still going to go through things that you have no idea how to handle, and that is part of being a parent (learning how to help then through those things).

Answer 3

If being adopted was hard on you, it will be hard on the next adoptee who comes along too. Its hard on all of us. Thats why I'm an advocate for raising children who really need homes by legal guardnaiship or foster care. Foster care children need and want homes or are old enough to speak for what they want. Go there and please don't become a part of the infant adoption industry in the USA.

Answer 4

Sounds like you are an expert and you could really help a child because you have already been there.

Answer 5

thats a toss up.  Someone that was adopted (me too, by the way)  would understand the psycological issue better.  Someone that can't have kids would have a lot of love too, and often times are more desperate to be good parents.

Answer 6

That would depend on whether the adult adoptee has faced her issues and worked through them.  (I use the feminine here for clarity.)  If she refuses to accept that she experienced any loss or trauma by losing her mother and family - a loss no matter how necessary it may have been - she will not be able to acknowledge and validate those of her adopted child.

So, no, it's no automatic.  But an adult adoptee who HAS worked through these things and acknowledges the downside of adoption we well as the potential upside would probably make a better adoptive parent than a non-adoptee who cannot fathom such issues.

I would go so far as to say that an adult adoptee who denies the downside of adoption would make the worst adoptive parent.

Answer 7

I think anyone willing to adopt and is serious about dealing with the emotional issues therein is going to be a great parent. You have experience and the fact that you are so concerned with their fellings already makes you a top candidate in my eyes.

My bff was adopted. Her mom told her that birthh children are delivered by a doctor, but adopted children are delivered by God.

Answer 8

My mothers best friend (and her husband) adopted a child. They already had two children of their own, white, and adopted a child who is black, white and native american. Neither of them are adopted. You could not ask for better parents. They are the best. I think it has more to do with the type of people and how much love they have. As an adopted child, having a parent who was also adopted will definitly give the child someone to relate to, so they wont feel so alienated. But that doesnt make them better

Answer 9

I don't know. I wasn't adopted, and I want to be a foster parent. I was in foster homes growing up... and I know how it feels to go thru that and I think I would do an awesome job.

You should adopt if you have it in your heart to do so. I think you can better identify with them from their point of veiw and on their feelings and wondering about their birth parents and it would be a wonderful thing for you to do, just in general.

I don't think that you would necessarily be "better" but you would be able to connect the emotions of a child you were to adopt because you already know how they feel. You can give them a sense of worth in the world from your own experience.  What make a great parent great is the love they have and the morals they instill in their child, adopted or not. As long as you have that your adopive child would be fine.

Answer 10

being adopted would give you some insight that someone who was not adopted may not have. I don't know if it would make you a better parent or not. It certainly wouldn't hurt. To me, the person who makes a good parent, is a parent who will love the child and put the child first. Like Jesus said, the greatest of these is love.  Good luck

Answer 11

I don't think anyone can say for sure.

If the adoptee/adoptive mom has truly worked on her own feelings from being adopted, and hasn't just repressed them, then I think she'd stand a good chance at being an awesome adoptive mom.

If the adoptee/adoptive mom has NOT worked on her own adoption experience and feelings, and IS repressing them, then I think she's actually likely to be worse.

Just my gut feeling, especially from reading the writings of some adoptees-turned-adoptive parents.

Answer 12

i don't know

Answer 13

You will have personal experience but that doesn't make you a better parent. Personally experience doesn't make you a better parent than others, is it their fault they weren't adopted like you were and does that effect in any way their parenting skills? No.

A good parent in my opinion is someone that cares for their child, puts them first and is always looking out for their best interests, and that would mean in either case being able to relate to the adopted child's situation.

Answer 14

Having your natural children or adopted children really makes no difference.  When your child is placed in your arms, it is placed in your heart and it doesn't matter how they got here, it is your child and you just love with all you have.  I do think you will be an absolutely wonderful parent with any child.

Answer 15

No i think that if the person adotpign would take time and learn some stuff its not needed to be you can adopt with out being an adoptee yourself. I didn't have adoptee parents but they are also from the old way older then normal also so that was then now things are more opened not like in the 40's when it was't. there are still some out there but if they read and hear things they will learn some will never take this advice no matter what but nope i wouldn't limit it to adoptees also. take care

Answer 16

I think you have wonderful insight and would be able to relate to an adopted child differently and perhaps better than a parent who was not adopted.

Answer 17

I do believe an adoptee as an adoptive parent likely would have a slight edge in understanding the deep wound that lives in our "abandoned" souls. My adoptive dad was an 'adoptee lite' - adopted by his step dad and didn't know his father. He had a better understanding and could sense when I'd been triggered by the types of things non-adopteds wouldn't think twice about.

That said, knowing how it feels - WHY on earth would you want another person to experience what we have - loss of our mothers at birth?  It almost seems a tad sadistic. Yes, you may be able to understand and help the child navigate the waters better - but why be a consumer of the industry that does this extremely cruel practice to mommies and babies?

And to the previous poster who said that couples who can't have children might be better because they are so desperate for a family.....desperation is not a healthy way to "build a family."  Gaining another's child to fullfill some personal aspiration of being a parent is ALOT of unfair burdensome pressure to put on that kid.  Parents need to be whole complete adults before bringing a life in to raise

Answer 18

i think you would make a bril adopted parent as being adopted yourself you will know what that child will want to know as it grows up,you will also know how that child feels when you tell them about being adopted,you will be able to sit and talk and explain things and know whats going through there head,you will be able to help them,good on youi for adopting,

Answer 19

I think you would have specific insight into the emotional needs of an adoptive child that might be lacking in someone who hasn't had the experience.

Answer 20

I don't think it'd make you a better or worse adoptive parent.  If you are understanding of the situation from a young child, you could know the problems that may occur better perhaps.  I think if you took it well, and are at peace with it, you will be a great parent, regardless of biology.

Answer 21

I don't think that they would be better, rather they would just now what to expect. See when the parent has also been adopted, there is more understanding and i believe patience, and more love. See if the child comes to the parent with a problem, that the parent went through in child hood regarding there adoption, they could help them with it. I do believe that you really can't compare the two, cause every adoption is different.

Good Luck

Answer 22

I am adopted and now 37yo.  I "always knew" I was adopted, my brother and I both were and we were never sat down and told, it was always known.  It was hard growing up, I suffered from severe depression all throughout my teens and 20's, so I always wondered if it was from my biological family.  It was also hard in school when we did projects to see who we got our traits from, because I knew it was neither of them.  When I was 15 my parents had a natural child.  She always thought we were loved more and us vice-versa.  

As for parenting, I have a natural child.  I don't think I would be any better parent to an adopted child.  I would love any child.  I would like to adopt now, since my health was bad during my pregnancy, but I firmly believe it is still a binding unbreakable love, either natural or adopted.  Once that child is in your arms and yours, he/she is stamped in your heart forever!!