I want to laugh..............tell me something funny.?

Question

joke, riddle, embarassing moment. anything. knee slapper is a plus. i love you guys!!!!

Answer 1

Memory's Going

An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going?"

He replied, "To the kitchen."

She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

"No, I can remember that."

"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said.

"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top. I know you will forget that. You had better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He went into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast."

Answer 2

i cant stop laughing at this joke. its halarious

Little Red Riding Hood walking through the forest when she looks up and sees something in the bushes.

'Is that you Big Bad Wolf'

'Err yes' said a red faced wolf, 'How did you know ?' he asked the girl.

'I saw your long face' she says, an embarrassed wolf skulks away.

A little further on she looks up again, 'Is that you Big bad wolf'

'Yes it is' says the wolf hiding behind a tree, 'how did you know?' he asked again, 'I saw your big ears, sticking out from the side of the tree' she says. Once again the wolf skulks off

A little further on she looks up and says 'Is that you Big bad wolf'

'Jesus H' exclaims the wolf, 'how did you know this time?' 'I saw your bushy tail wagging from behind the rocks

'Listen here' says the wolf 'what's your name little girl?' 'Red Riding Hood' she replies ' And where are you going?' he enquires, ''to my grandma's' she beams

'Well Fcukoff there then, and leave me to have a $hit in peace...........'

Answer 3

A man goes into a church to confess a sin. The priest says "What is your sin?"

The man says, "I saw m wife leaning over the freezer yesterday in a really tight mini skirt, and I couldn't resist. I grabbed her and had mad, passionate s*x with her right there and then."

The priest says, "Sir, do you love and respect your wife?"

"Yes" replied the man.

"Then that is not a sin!" said the priest. "If you love her and respect her, then there is nothing wrong with you having s*x with her."

The man was happy, but confused. "So then why am I banned from the supermarket?"

Answer 4

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

She replied a can of peaches.

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail."

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, " What is it? "

The husband said "She also stole a can of peas."  

Answer 5

joke1

Little Johny says, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister."

Trying to be funny, the daddy says, "Honey, you do have a sister. You just don't see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door."

Little Johny thought about this and remarked, "You mean like my other Daddy does?"

joke2

Teacher asked the students to make one exclamatory sentence...

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence ..

Student : WOW !

joke3

A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"

joke4

Did you know that studies have indicated that diarrhea is actually a hereditary disease?

Yep… It runs in the jeans!

joke5

I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"

At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then i hear guy say nervously... .

Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my

questions!!!"

Answer 6

Guy goes to the doctor and gets ready for his physical, the nurse isn't quite out of the room before he dropped his drawers, the nurse bursts out laughing becuase his equipment is about the size of her pinky finger. She tries to stiffle the laugh but doesn't quite manage and the guy says "Don't laugh it's been swollen like that for two weeks now!"

My karma ran over your dogma.

Little boy and little girl sitting together naked.(don't ask why) and then the little boy asks the little girl whats that. she says she doesn't know, she in return asks the little boy whats that, he says he doesn't know either. They ask their parents. The boys father told him it was his limo, and that he should try to park in all girls garages. The girls mom told her it was her garage and that she should NEVER let anyone park their limos in it. When the little girl came home from shool the next day, she had blood on her, her mom asks what happened and she said Some guy tried to park his limo in my garage so i popped his two front tires!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

How are a blonde and a turtle the same?

When their on their backs their screwed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Did you hear about the Dyslexic devil-worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?

Depends how thin you slice them.

Answer 7

yesterday in class my friend was sitting next to me and throwing his apple between his hands saying "i dont know whether i want to eat my apple"

Then i started sneezing and he didnt catch the apple so it flew into my lap and i sneezed on it by accident! LOL

Im still laughing hysterically!