I want to leave my verbally/emotionally abusive husband.?

Question

what's a good way to bring it up?

I'm worried he's gonna throw a fit.

I've wanted to leave him for a few years now, but I kept hem-hawing back and forth, I couldn't decide if it was the right thing to do. (we have 5 kids and he's GREAT with them) So anyway, I don't think he has a clue, I've learned to be real careful about showing my emotions to avoid a mind-blowing lecture and insult session.

so how to bring it up? or should I just surprise him with papers out of the blue? and should I get a divorce or a legal separation?

Thanks for all the good answers.

Answer 1

COUNSELING!  It's not really fair to you what he's doing, but maybe he'll stop the verbal abuse if you told him you were leaving.  Do something quick though, because it's not good for the kids to see that.

Answer 2

Demand he get tested for behavioral and emotional disorders. If he laughs, tell him you he can't  refuse. He will either threaten you or laugh and ignore you.

IF he does not get evaluated and go into therapy and treatment for abusing you, and possible have to take MEDS, go to a woman's shelter with the kids while he's worikng, tell them you need to get away, he has rep[elatedly threatened you with physical harm, hurled insults and you, lectured you in a Way you felt like you were his child and his Propertty. Demand they halo you get a criminal order of protection against him and signed by a judge. In fact. if you call the cops, they will tell you how to do it, but make sure he is away when you make the calls. take all your Mooney,k valuables, clean out the bank account, teak ET kids, and go. They keep it anonymous.

Answer 3

This is a very tough situation and ONLY YOU can figure out the answer. I was in a very similar relationship and we were married, I filed for divorce because I felt that was the best decision for me and my children. Not only was my husband emotionally and mentally abusive and very insulting to me, he was also an alcoholic and he has bi-polar disorder which he refuses to get help for either. You really want to make sure you want this, because once you are divorced, that's it. So, I would weigh everything out for carefully...If you really do want to leave, I would separate first and maybe give him a chance to try and change and see a counselor with you. I separated from my husband for almost a year, and we did counseling for 8 months, but due to the fact that he wanted to show up when it was convenient for him and not talk about what he was doing wrong it the marriage---only pointed the finger at me...therefore counseling didn't work for us. But I would definitely continue to go to counseling by yourself. Good luck!

Answer 4

An abuser and a manipulator won't allow you to "discuss" his loss of power with him.  No matter how you put it, he'll berate, belittle and abuse you to no end, and probably make your life a living h**l in the process of splitting up.

I recommend that you formulate an exit plan; get money and legal aid, housing and finances all figured out BEFORE you serve papers and then just LEAVE.  It might require a restraining order, abandoning all of your personal possessions, or sneaking out while he's away for a business trip or whatever.  I CAN tell you that he won't just LET you leave.

Talk to an attorney before you do anything, and maybe consider consulting with a battered women's shelter.  They have resources to help you and deal with this sort of thing every single day.

Whatever you do, don't wait another day.  And don't double think your decision.  You're getting out for the right reason...don't doubt yourself!

Answer 5

First of all, you need to tell him how he makes you feel and if he doesn't want to listen then you need to get out. I went through that for sixteen yrs and yes I still love him but we are getting a divorce now and I am okay with that.

  We had three kids (two were mine and one was ours) that he helped raise for all those yrs. He was great with mine too. Then he walked away from all of us for an eighteen yr old girl.

  If the guy is that bad then you need to get out. If it is a case that he won't physically let you leave, then unfortunately you will have to do it while he is not home. Then serve him with DIVORCE papers.

Separation papers are just a smaller form of divorce. All those do is go ahead and divide everything and suggest custody and visitation for the kids, they are never final.

Do you want a separation or a divorce? Would you ever come back to this guy? If not then Divorce.

Answer 6

So, what do you plan on happening to your 5 children??? How old are they????  If he is not physically abusive, I think what happens to them until they are all 18 is your first choice.  Then, fly the coop and get a divorce.  I'm sure you have seen all the problems that can occur with children from broken homes.  Remember, your children come first, not you, you are the adult.  Just what do you mean by emotionally abusive?

I believe you are not filling in all the details,  concerning your behavior in this marriage.  

Answer 7

sit down and talk to him at night when the kids are not around.tell him you have to talk.tell him you can't deal with the relationship any longer and you have to end it.

Answer 8

make a escape plan..gather personal things up, with paper work in a safe place where you can access them when you are ready to leave.

make a list of thing to do in making yourself free from this man, connect with an agency that helps people with abuse, they can direct you in many areas.

Answer 9

listen to brutally honest...been there done that..there no talking to him