I want to love my husband again?

Question

Been married for six years now. We have no kids, and he treats me very well. I don't remember when i first started feeling this way, but i see myself being colder and colder to him. He feels upset and unloved, and i feel annoyed and guilty. There is not another man involved, i don't have feelings for anyone. I don't know what is wrong with me. I deeply want to make things work. I want to love him again. I want to love him the way i use to. Even if its not as much as i use to, i would like to be not annoyed by him. I am not sure what to do. When he kisses me hug me i feel repulsed. This isn't the way i should be feeling for my husband. I can't breath. I don't know what to do. I Don't want to complicate things by moving out or breaking things off. I really care about him. He is my best friend. I can't see him not being in my life. We do everything together. I don't mind being around him, but his affection annoys me. The more i want to love him, the more i can't. Please help me.

Answer 1

Your best option is to just give yourself a break.  You don't have to love the person your with.  I would get out and do new things on your own.  get to know yourself again.  We are different people in 6 years.  Maybe he is different too.  

Answer 2

well you answered it. His affection annoys you because the "vibe"you are giving him he is returning to you.  

"You get what you give" "you get what you put into something"

Counseling is the start if neither of you know how.

plus here's a start .........you guys need to do the things YOU did for YOURSELF that kept YOU happy in the beginning. Whatever it was..you both have stopped keeping YOURSELVES happy. If YOU are not happy how can YOU get another person happy. Always remember that.

good luck.

Answer 3

This paragraph just came straight out of my mouth.  You just wrote down my exact feelings toward my wife.  It sucks and I pray that God will make me feel the way I used to feel.  I don' t want to love anyone else and she deserves the love I used to give her.  I feel so horrible.  I absolutely hate myself for this and want so badly to feel the way I felt during the cortship.  Its not fair but I can't help it.  

All I can say is thank you, now we both know that it apparently isn't rare.  I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you get those feelings back.  I truly believe for both of us that they are still there but lost in tons of different emotions.  We have to dig deep and recover them.  We need a reboot like a computer.  Pray for it and spend time dwelling on the way things used to be...

Answer 4

Please go for some counseling and don't leave things like this too long.  My husband started feeling this way about me sometime ago and now we are going through a divorce.  If only he had told me sooner then maybe we could have worked things out.  

Answer 5

god, i know how you feel. ive been with my boyfriend for a year now, and he treats me amazing. but when he kisses on me and tries to cuddle, i feel annoyed and he gets so upset to the point where we fight. he has to argue with me to get a kiss out of me. its horrible, but i dont know what to do either.

Answer 6

dont confuse your guilt with love! maybe your getting to much affection from him and this sickens you...is he p***y whipped maybe? this is what sometimes makes women feel the way your feeling! if this is the case then you should do something to get him in a fight with another dude over you! even if he gets his *** beat, thats ok!  maybe its you and you just need to be manhandled a bit, nothing serious! or, if that sounds way out of wack, take a vacation from each other and find those feelings of missing him! or just face it, go get yourself a one night stand and get it out of your system...or, leave! if i was him and i knew you were having these feelings i would of left you along time ago...your hurting him more by staying then going! do you pity him? dont, that is the worst thing you can do to someone!! love, like milk, once it sours its next to impossible to get back that smooth liquid state and good taste! i am being bold, and direct, but you need to hear this cause your feeling repulsed has gotta just make him feel like ****! yep, sounds like a good dude, your a good women, we get older and things change! its no ones fault, we are who we are, it is what it is!  in all bad there is good, in all good there is bad the good thing about mutual seperation right now is no more feelings of rejection from him! your  problem is the guilt from falling out of love with him! this makes you good women, better then most! so you believe in a one-love, one man forever type deal! i admire that! well, good luck, wish the best for you both. with all do respect!!!!!

Answer 7

I just had the same feelings with my BF of 15 months, we took a few days apart, no cheating or searching or anything like that.  We didn't talk, e-mail or text each other.  Before this happened I did talk to him about how I was feeling, I was also convinced I wasn't in love with him.  After 4 days apart we had dinner and when the dinner was over we went our separate ways and it sucked!  I thought I was okay without him but when he got into his truck and left I was sad and missed him.  Its been a couple of weeks and I am starting to feel the same way I did about him a few months ago and trust me, I thought those feelings were dead in the water.

We are both trying to make one another happy because lets face it, no matter how great of a guy he is something is missing in your relationship and that is causing you to feel this way.  Now YOU have to figure out what it is and then talk to him, this relationship can't go back to the way it was unless both parties know what they have to do to make it better.

You may also want to go to counselling, probably alone at first, then maybe let him in on it.  I think you have to work on "you" before you can work on "us".

Even though I am not married I read "The Proper Care & Feeding of a Husband", some of the info in there is c**p but most of it is good.  It will force you to take a look at how you are contributing to how you are feeling.

Answer 8

Counseling is definately a great option.  Sometimes you can love someone so much but as friends and not as a wife should love a husband.  Nothing is wrong with that but it is unfair to continue living a lie.

Answer 9

Maybe try spending some time apart, like a week or 2, maybe even more. That could help you to realize all the little things you love about him, and what made you fall in love with him in the first place.

Get a few of your girl friends together and try to organize a trip somewhere just to get away, clear your head, and have the opportunity to miss him and WANT to go back to him.

It sounds cheesy, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I know this from experience. It's good that you want to make it work and fix things....so many people these days would rather just run away from it, and throw it all away.

good luck.

Answer 10

Withdrawn again? Looks like depression has you locked and loaded for death. You may want to see a doctor and get checked out for depression and hormone imbalance.

Answer 11

Sometimes, I feel this way towards my husband. When I start thinking that he is annoying or I feel like maybe I don't love him as much as I used to...I write down a list of all of his good qualities. Things he does for me and for us.  I also try to do things that will make him happy...in turn that makes me happy.  I know that, for me, when I get really stressed about life (and suffer from depression) I start feeling cold towards him and everyone else.  Life is about love.  I remember that I am blessed to have my husband in my life who loves me so much.  When he leaves for work or business for a few days, I realize how much I miss, love and care for him.... maybe you need to take a weekend getaway by yourself to refocus your true feelings.  Good luck.

Answer 12

You just need to find the spark again.  You need to start dating your husband again, make things thrilling, and love should follow again.

Answer 13

It sounds like he has not rang your bell in a long time if any time at all...Show me a man who does not eat his wife's kitty kat and I will show you a wife ready for the picking. You are not sexually satisfied hun...its that simple...Time for you to get busy. Take Care

Answer 14

You should probably see a therapist.  If there is nothing wrong with the way he treats you, and you want to love him the way you used to, there has to be some unresolved psychological issues going on here.  You should not feel repulsed when he hugs or kisses you.  You've got to get to the root of what is troubling you about him and therapy is the best way to get there.

Answer 15

I was exactly where you are, in my marriage, by the time I was married for 7 years. The feeling never left as long as I remained in my marriage, for another 10 years.  I would suggest you seek individual or marital therapy to see if there are things you can do to improve the desire you feel for your husband. I honestly don't think that anything will change unless you seek professional help.  I know I tried reading books, but they didn't help much.

Good luck to you and your husband.

Answer 16

Maybe you don't love yourself enough.  How's everything else in your life- career? friends? family? If you're well adjusted in every other aspect of your life, maybe you've just outgrown your husband.  

Answer 17

Read the book together "5 love languages" by Gary Chapman.  Quote:  Gary Chapman's classic text on how people express and receive love in different ways has transformed many relationships. It helps you accurately identify your love language and the love languages of those dear to you.

Answer 18

think about the first time you met the man you married this very day, but be more creative in your romance section, doing something for him instead of him doing something for you does not have to be sexual,  you marriage is not based on s*x, it helps but that is not what keeps you together, you work on your heart, and the mental state of love that you want to show for you spouse. the heart is a powerful muscle. dont forget how your marriage started.

Answer 19

Go back with him to the very spot you met and fell in love with him. Your heart just needs an emotional reminder. This should bring back all the feelings you had for him. :)

Answer 20

I would suggest marriage counseling... and maybe a little something to spice up you romance life....Go on a vacation or to the same place  your first date was and hopefully the feelings will come rushing back.