I want to mentor, foster, or possibly adopt a child? How can I do this in a society so afraid of predators?

Question

I am a young and energetic 63 year STRAIGHT male, who loves children. I have 3 grown children, non of which live near me, and I have no prospect of ever becoming a grandfather. I have had 16 exchange students from Norway to Australia, and I love them as my own children.

Probably 10 years ago, my wife and I went through Foster Parent training. The last class was how we should handle accusations of sexual misconduct. It scared the heck out of me, and I told my wife that I just couldn't handle false charges like that. We sadly dropped out of the program before we ever finished the training.

I still have so much love to give. I want a boy I can take fishing, and to Cleveland Indians games. I'm old, but I can still make a difference in a young man's life.

Agencies say they need men to fill this need, but men, real honest to goodness men, are so sensitive to being viewed as a predator. It's very disheartening.

Is there any place for me to help?

(Is there a better category for this?)

Answer 1

I would finish the foster parent training. Tell a counselor that you are afraid of false accusations and what society will think. They can help you to overcome your fears. Good Luck!

Answer 2

Big brothers big sisters is a really good organization and you meet with the kids at the school so there can be no accusations of misconduct.

Finish your fostercare training. You'll learn how to deal with it through there and how to overcome your fears.

You sound like the type of person needed for the adoption and foster of older children or difficult cases. I encourage you to pursue this age group as they are most often the most needy and neglected

Answer 3

First you need to complete foster parent training.  And things haven't changed, we were told it was not a matter of If but a matter of WHEN allegations will occur.  The only cure is document, document, document.

If you ahve love to give and can tough it out some harshness of fostering, such as watching children go back to homes not yet ready to take them, seeing utter pain and grief in children then you are on the right path.  

Men are not viewed  more or less as predators, we are all checked out the same way.  IN my recent training (foster and adoption) there were homesexuals, singe people many diversity of families ready to open their lives up to children.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I'm an adoption and foster care social worker.  I license foster parents.

Let me tell you this for sure.  In my 10 years I've heard lots of accusations made.  We are used to it.  We have to investigate each claim because the perverts get through our checks, but we are also aware that some of our kids have learned to survive the only way they know how and that includes lying.  We also know that a child could get angry over being punished and throw it out.  We also know that a true victim can have a dream or confuse the situation so they remember the abuse but mistake their abuser.

You need to find an agency that you trust to work with, be honest about your concerns,and put in safety checks.

There are children out there looking for homes and looking to be loved.  Just as not every man out there is a pervert, not every child out there is a liar waiting to accuse someone.

Answer 5

My husband works in a Residential Treatment Center, and he works with young children of both genders.  He spent a couple years working with teens in a different, co-ed cottage, and he was REALLY scared of any accusations.  This is going to sound kind of weird, but it helped that he was not the hottest or youngest guy there, lol.  He dealt with his fears by talking to his supervisor about it, never, EVER being alone with the kids, documenting everything, and always, always covering his butt.  I would suggest talking the the people who run whatever program you're interested in, and find out ways to cover yourself.  I think the most important thing you can do is to never be alone with the child.  If you mentor a child, see if you can take two children at once.  Or you could volunteer at the Boys and Girls club, or some other public place where you will never be alone.

This might not be the most popular thing to say here, but this is a very real concern.  Many troubled kids accuse adults of things that did not happen because it gives them a sense of control over their world (maybe I'm a little skewed in my opinions because I work with kids who have a lot of issues, but this is what I've seen).  You are not wrong to worry about this, and you would be very wise to protect yourself.  BUT don't let that stop you from doing what your heart is leading you to do.  The same kids who would mess up your life with false accusations, are the ones who need you the most.  Teach them about appropriate boundaries (i.e. never being alone with someone who COULD harm them).  It's a two way street.

Good luck!!!