I want to quit uni now and kill myself help?

Question

My boyfriend (who is an ex) really really loves me and he swore that he will never love another or find another. He always try to make me happy and he sacrified his whole life for me. Anyway, I made a mistake because I got lied to and my boyfriend got extremely angry. I was too ashame to go back to him so I decided to stop being friend with him so he can find someone. Even though he got angry he still wanted me back but

I accidentally rang him two days later and he sent me a voice message and a text message saying ''I have never been so disappointed in anyone in my life, good luck, have a good life, idont want to speak to you ever again''. This hit me really hard because he had never been so cold so I listened to the voice message and it was him with a VEREY ANGRY + COLD ...voice yelling at me and teling that i have f*cked his life up forever and that he doesn't even want me even if i crawled back. He smsed my mum sorry and he said i better give him back his keys or else he'll sue me cus his dad knows one of the best laywers. He just kept screaming and screaming. I was meant to be watching my sister's performance but instead I left it and cried in my car.

I was crying a lot and couldn't breath and he said that he doesn't care. He said his heart is solid black and got nothing left and he had moved on. Anyway this HIT me very very very, extremely hard. I wanted to kill myself by walking out of a speeding car. To me, without him felt like no life. Btw please dont tell me that I will find another one. You know when you have a perfect relationship. He was planning to marry me...

Anyway then he told me he shamelessly told my two closest friend about everything I did and they hate me! My friend who i meant to consider as a bro have been hating me for the last 6month. He said he got so angry hes past the line basically. I feel so tiny and useless..and ashame of myself I want to quit college. He is in every single of my classes and I never want to go again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way, i HAVE spoken to him 6month ago and he pretended it was fine. I cant just go in to class and pretend hes not there. I get too nervous and scared and the tension is too much for me to handle (i have stress problems).

I havent started any of my projects and Im basically going to fail them all. My room is a mess, my life is a mess. Im sick atm from everything.

I want to run away but i cannot. I have to pretend to be happy when my family comes home. I lock myself in the room.

What should I do? It sounds easy saying, ''u'll find another person'' or ''its ok, just speak to him'' but these wont work.

My ex was like my mother, father, family. He loved me more than my mother, so its basically like my mother saying she HATES me and dont want me back. I want to die!

Answer 1

Hugs.  

I know you may not want to hear this because it probably sounds too impossible right now, but I'm going to say it anyways because I think it's important to hear it even when we don't believe it:  things WILL get better. They will.  It's going to take time and you might not feel better for a while, but I promise eventually you can feel better and even feel good.  

Does your school offer counselling?  Would you be able to speak with someonee?  Breaking up with your boyfriend who was a big part of your life, and your friendships being rocky, plus having to hide this all from your family is a heavy load for anyone to carry, and sometimes just being able to talk to someone about it all who is going to listen, care, and won't judge you is an amazing weight lifted off of your shoulders.  A counsellor will also be able to offer advice if you are seeking any, and help you deal with the strong emotions you are feeling.  I remember how difficult going to class, dealing with schoolwork, and the academic side of university was when I felt emotionally overwhelmed - it's hard.  But talking to someone can help invaluably.  

Also, I don't know what happened and why your bf got angry and I don't know him, but to be honest with you, it sounds like he reacted like an absolute jerk.  It's okay to be angry, I understand that - we all get angry sometimes and it's healthy to express that anger.  But the things he said were so disrespectful - even if you hurt him.  There's no way you could have ****** up his life (well unless you killed him) - and him saying that indicates that he's not taking responsibility for his life.  Whatever happens in his life, he has to deal with it. And blaming other people for however they affected him, even if it hurts, is just blame.  It's easier to get angry at someone and blame them, screaming at how much they hurt us than it is to pick yourself up and deal with the pain.  I hope I don't sound harsh, I don't mean to, I know you love him so I don't want it to seem that I am casting him in a bad light, but this is honestly what I thought when I read your question.  

Take good care of yourself and please hang in there.  If you are thinking about or considering killing yourself, please DO speak with someone about it.  Things can be better (I know it's probably annoying hearing that, but they can).. but give it a chance, find ways of dealing with your emotions and healing through the pain.. and one day you will notice yourself feeling better, truly.  I wish you all the best and much love!

Add on:  I just glanced at someone's answer about studying abroad.  Yeah! Seriously!  I'm in total agreement.

Answer 2

O.k. sweetie!  You are in a past relationship that did not work out for you.  You are in the grieving process and this will pass.  You didn't say how old you are, but you did mention college.  Evidentally you messed things up by doing whatever you did. This is something that you did and I know you are regretful of that.  Now, about not wanting to go on, you do have people that do love you  You cannot win your friends or boyfriend by trying to end your life.  This is irresponsible.  Life does go on. You aren't the only one in the entire world that has messed up and lost someone that you are extremely close to.  Go ahead and hold your head up high, don't worry about what other people think of you.  You are the only person in the entire world just  like you.  Don't deprive any future relationships the option of getting to know you. You do deserve a good life and there is someone in Illinois that thinks you really do have something to contribute to this world.  Hang in there!  It will be easier as time goes by.

Answer 3

Hello. I'm 14 years old. Even though you sound older than me and have experienced life more than me, I think I can give you some advice.

My experience.

So I'm 13 years old, I'm having a tough time at school with bullying and such. I have often been called names because of my height, but in the last 6 months its happened at least 20 times a day. I start feeling extremely depressed, i feel like I'm nothing not worth anything at all.

So I have suicidall thoughts, as the bullying continues It gets worse.

And I try to take my own life.

I did this three times.

First time I tried to hang myself with my school tie.

Second time overdose on paracetamol.

Third time bag over the head.

I had also cut my wrists a number of times.

I have always had a loving family that cared for me, the bullying was the reason for my attemps.

The bullys have stopped now because I have grown and now taller than some. This was a miracle to me.

Dont kill your self a miracle may just happen to you like what happend to me with my height. You might be landed with an amazing job, who knows. Think of the people who love you would you want to hurt them.

Answer 4

I agree with america, although its not clear from your explanation as to why you broke up. I would try to convey just how upset you are in front of him without sounding too needy. That should hopefully cause him to rethink.

Answer 5

woah. alright, well your probably gonna be mad BUT YOU NEED TO DO THIS! if you love him sooooooooooo much, your gonna have to tell him that you still have feelings for him. you cant just leave it up to him to fix your problems, pull up your big girl pants, and tell him. dont just say "man, i want you back, life has been horrible without you"

JUST CRY! CRY RIGHT INFRONT OF HIM. tell him everything. how you feel, what you've done, and what you can do to make things better. he probably will reject you right then and there, but you will be in his mind soo much, that he will NEED you back.

Answer 6

You don't need a boyfriend you need a shrink you are SO Crazy it is not even funny. Why would you ever want to hurt yourself for anybody after all you messed up the relationship he didn't.

Answer 7

You need to learn how to be your own mother, your own father, your own family.

Do what he did for you for yourself.  Treat yourself like you love yourself. You'll realize you're better at it than anyone else in the world.

Answer 8

I know nothing is going to help you feel better... but time does heal all... you gotta stop seeing him completely or else you'll never get over it.

try studying abroad..

seriously, not being sarcastic at all... i really think it'll help in the long run