I want to read some jokes?

Question

I want to read some jokes.

The funniest will receive the best answer

Answer 1

Barbie and Britney  



  Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.



The Lyin' King  



  What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?

One's an African lion, and the other's a lion African.



Britney Spears 'n' Pepsi  



  What does Britney Spears and pepsi have in common?

They both come with plastic jugs

Answer 2

How do u drown a blonde?

stik a mirror to the bottom of a pool

how do u take out teh brain of a blonde?

blow through her ear

why does harry potter wear circular glasses?

cos it represents umthin he dusnt have

Answer 3

There was 3 men lets call them John Jack and Reese

they were in an airplane and crashed on a little island

after they crashed they saw a man

they asked the man for help

the man told them to bring 10 fruits

they went looking for fruits.........

John came and brought 10 grapes

the man said "ill shove it up your butt and if you scream or laugh ill kill you."

the man shoved it up johns but and he screamed so the man killed john

and john went to heaven.

then jack came with 10 bananas the man did the same but jack laughed

and the man killed him and jack went to heaven.

jack met john in heaven and john asked jack"why did you laugh?"

jack said beause i saw Reese coming with 10 watermelons.

if you didnt get it,jack laughed because he saw reese coming with 10 watermelons.why was it funny?

because the man was gonna shove the watermelons up

Reese's butt

Answer 4

A guy walks into a bar and orders seven shots the bartender says what’s the problem. He says he finds out his brother is g*y and is marrying his best friend. The next day the guy comes and orders seven shots. The bartender says what the problem now. He says he found out that his son is g*y. The guy comes a third day and orders seven shots. The bar tender says doesn’t any one in you family like girls! He says apparently my wife does .  

Answer 5

Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I call mine "s*x". s*x is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took s*x for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for s*x."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for s*x. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for s*x. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had s*x since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have s*x at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But s*x has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around s*x."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having s*x there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for s*x. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for s*x. Then I said, "You don't understand. s*x keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had s*x on TV. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had s*x before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married s*x had left me, he said, "Me too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, s*x has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that s*x isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"

Answer 6

- Why Newton died?

..... Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes....................

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, accordingto the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head.

To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!

Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.

Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side & the knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no bullets in it.

Guess what he does. Nah?

Not even in your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot.

As soon as the gangster shoots, Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun. Bang Bang Bang...the gangster dies...

This was too much for our Newton to take! He wascompletely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of physics. The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't changed.

Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton Commits Suicide!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of pork went up,

She shot the little b*****d.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her,

Between two hunks of bread.

JACK AND JILL Went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.

SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.

Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,

"What have you got there?"

Said the Pie man unto Simon,

"Pies, you dumb a**!"

HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the kings' horses,

And all the kings' men.

Had scrambled eggs,

For breakfast again.

HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,

All over the bedside clock.

The little dog laughed to see such fun.

Then died of electric shock.

GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play, He

kissed them too 'cause he was g*y.

There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad........

She got a fur coat, jewels, & a waterfront condo