I'll give you the history first and then at the end I'll tell you what I want to say and questions:
I have this friend who've I've known and been friends with for 4 years. Anyway 4 years ago I thought he was sending me signals of interest(I was 19 at the time and he was 24) and so I confronted him. He said he sees no future with me but he does really care about me like everyone else. So we stayed friends. Two years ago a month before he left the country for a mission, we'd sit in church and just glare at each other...Everytime my stomach turned into a wirlpool and waterfall his eyes turned completely black and his head drops. A week before he left I told him how much I appreciated him and gave him a hug. I kissed him on the cheek and pulled back and his reaction was priceless. His face was beet red, he had an enormous smile on his face and his blue eyes were now black again. His body was pointed towards mine and he was staring at my shoes. This lasted several seconds. Well the day before he hugged me and I hugged him back, I turned to kiss him on the cheek but before I could he immediately turned his head and all I could see was his lips. His lips were so close to mine that I could have easily touched it. I got scared and froze(I think I spaced out a little) and after several long seconds he jerked his head away. Feeling bad I called him up and apologized. He said he doesn't like kisses but that's fine. He loves hugs. A year after he left and while he was gone I got frusterated(at his mixed signals) and told him to treat me like everyone else or admit his feelings for me or not be my friend at all. When he got back, he treated me like a friend, a close mutual friend. No mixed signals anymore. It feels nice.
By the way I'm now 23 and he's 28 and single with no girlfriend.
Yes I love him and I'm in love with him. I love him more than any other guy in my life, related or not. He's special to me and I would do anything for him. He's the only guy I'd marry and have kids with...if I was dating any other guy I would never marry him.
I'm not hurt that he treats me like everyone else. I can't stand lying to him. I really enjoy being friends with him. We now talk and email more often as friends do.
I don't demand blunt honesty everyday.
Here's what I want to tell him. Preferrably through email because I express myself better than in person:
"First of all I just want to tell you that I really enjoy our friendship the way it is right now and I'm extremely happy about it. Thanks for treating me like everyone else. Have you always treated me like everyone else? Anyway what I really want to let you know is that the door to romance with me is open after you come back from your mission. I will always love you and respect you as a friend but you'll always be special to me. I just wanted to be blunt with you in letting you know that that door is open for you in the future but it's not right now. When you do decide to pursue me, can you tell me bluntly because I ignore signs now. Thanks!"
What do you think and what would you suggest?
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