I want to throw my 7o year old mother in law a surprise birthday luncheon how do I keep the party flowing?

Question

This is going to be a small party for her lady friends only. It will be at a country club like setting. It will be a sit down lunch. She does have dementia and it is very obvious. She is not into playing games and is the stuffy type. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can keep this party interesting?? Do I make a speech or read a poem about her?? Help?? Since she has dementia her husband told me I should rethink throwing this party b/c she won't remember it anyways.

Answer 1

A big luncheon might be a bit overwhelming for her given her health.  I suggest you have a super small gathering at the house and invite 10 of her friends or so.  Make it a tea with mini sammies and class it up.  Have people send photos that you can set to music and play on your computer for her as she and hubbie walk down memory lane.  Remember, people with memonry problems need familiar environments.  Avoid hurt feelings with having a small soiree and she will have a much better time.

Answer 2

by not saying luncheon ever again. ever.

Answer 3

At first I thought you said that you threw your 70 year old mother on the lawn.

Haha.  Old people are funny.

Answer 4

When I had a party for my Mom's 80th, I asked the guests to write a memory about Mom instead of gifts. We read a few of the cards during the party and she treasured those cards for years. If you only have a few guests, you can read them all. Then when your Mom-in-Law has lucid moments, reread them.

A bunch of old friends talking won't need diversions to move the party along, but if it does lag, you might ask each person to share a funny or happy memory of  their friendship with her.

We don't know how much the person inside knows and remembers, but I have long believed it is more than the dementia would lead us to believe.

Answer 5

hhhhmmmmm.... ok invite her friends have lunch... have them bring presents possibly... ice cream cake? idk thats hard

Answer 6

People with dementia are sometimes easily flustered and upset in new situations.  Instead of a sit-down lunch I'd recommend a small buffet with tea, punch, cakes, etc.  Have her seated with her husband and maybe yourself on each side, and her friends can come up individually to chat with her. I'd save the gifts to open later at home, and try to keep the whole thing very low-key.

Answer 7

Bless her heart. I think it's great that you want to give her a birthday party.

If she has dementia, you might want to keep the party on the short side. Maybe her friends could each sign a memory book. Take lots of pictures. Maybe a video where each of her friends shares a funny story about her or talks about what she's meant to them.

If your mother-in-law has lucid moments, she'll love to see those things again and they'll be nice memories for her kids when she's gone.

Answer 8

Some of the other people had great ideas:) ... My only suggestion is that you play music from the 50's - since that's when she was a teenager, and most people always love the music they listened to as teenagers.  Plus, she's more likely to remember things from the past:) .... Slow songs:  4 Preps, 4 Freshman, The Penguins, The Coasters,  "Theme from a Summer Place," ... maybe some slower Elvis:)  ...  I'm sure the ladies will keep the party flowing talking about the songs, and their memories:) .....You're a real sweetheart!

Answer 9

well let me start by saying that i have worked with dementia  for a long time and no she might not remember it but she will probably enjoy it in the moment. take a walk down memory line with her get lots of photos of her family mom, dad ect.. play her favorite music in the back ground. maybe a slide show of the photos. don't make the party to long that way she don't get agitated or up set. Good luck and please just because she has dementia don't mean she can't have fun in the moment.