I wanted to write in a different way then usual... have I succeeded?

Question

A Sister to Kat

Frightfully made am I

the daughter of a monstrous being

To the depths I will descend

knowing none could contain me

The winds of time erase all stench,

the filth of man that coats the world

I am the seas divining plan

to wipe away the tears of Earth

When need calls I rise within

bringing down the fist of fate

A mammoth in a woman’s form

the beauty shifts to surging hate

I rise

I say

I rise again

and bring my form down through the shore

as I fall they all shall know

the bleeding hearts will burn no more

Answer 1

I don't understand Line 7. Do you mean "seas" (plural) or "sea"s" (possessive)? Are (is) the sea(')s "divining" (figuring out the future) or divine (godlike)? "Bleeding hearts" is a phrase that has acquired a purely political and pejorative meaning. I have a feeling that is not what you want to convey.

So if the question is "have I succeeded in writing a good poem?" then the answer is yes.

If the question is "have I succeeded in changing my style?" then the answer is yes and no. Yes, you have decided not to use rhyme and the meter is much looser than in your past works. And no, you have steadfastly retained  the enigmatic ambiguity that is your trademark. And I am still asking myself "Is this a mistake, or does she want it like that?"

Answer 2

I like it a lot. It's very pretty and you have a very unique way of using imagery and emotions.

Answer 3

It really is different, but very exciting and fascinating.  The imagery is vitally sensate, crescendoing like the ocean waves you write of.  Great story in this one.  I love it.  Thank you.

Answer 4

Siren, as usual, it is amazing.  I love your work.  It is a bit different, but definitley in a good way.

Answer 5

Yes. It is very good. You have a talent, unlike most of the people that post on here.