I was adopted and i really want to meet my real mom is that a bad thing?? :(?

Question

My parents love me and i love them but i've never got to see my mom or dad (real) and the on;y reason they gave me up is b/c poorness.....

Answer 1

It is very normal to want to know where you come from and your family history and to learn about your biological parents. You could talk to your parents and ask them if they know about your biological parents and work up to asking them more about your history. If they seem receptive, you could talk about meeting your biological mom. If they seem hurt by it, wait until you are 18 and see if you can meet your mom on your own.

Answer 2

I think that it is a great ideal!  I think everyone should have that opportunity.  Just let you adopted parents know of your love for them because this is tough sometimes on them.  Now start thinking of all the questions you might need answered.  Family history, family health and things like that.  You may only get one shot so make it a good one.  Have fun and stay with what you know.

Answer 3

No, not at all, it's just natural curiosity. You could find out so many things about your biological self if you met her.

Answer 4

i have two adopted children and I am very much in favor of them being ble to meet their biological parents when they want to. Some adoptive parents have a hard time with it and may feel threatened but, I think you need to do what's right for you. There are two books that are good. One is a simple picture book but, it's still really worthwhile. It's called, "Did My First Mother Love Me?" I'm not absolutely positive of the title of the 2nd one but, it's something like, "20 Things You Wish Your Adoptive Parents Knew." Your parents probably need more reassurance than you do to know that you love them and want to search for your biological family becasue you want to know your roots and not becasue you are insecure about your family. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I was adopted, and my whole life I wanted nothing more than three things - to find my birthmother, to have a sister, and to have a baby.

My "real" mom is absolutely my adopted mom - my "real" dad is absolutely my adopted dad. But my birthparents too have a place in my heart, in my family. They're just not my "parents".  They gave me life, but it was my parents who gave me a life worth living.

I've met both birthparents. I was 22 when I finally met my birthmother. And I started my search at 15. There was no way that at such a young age as a teenager I could emotionally handle the impact of what my reunions did to me and my family. At 22 I had a hard time. At 28 I have a hard time for different reasons.

But I will tell you that following your dreams, if finding your birthmother is one of them, is totally worth it. Never give up on something you believe in - including yourself and the great potential you have inside of you to be a great human being. And remember that sometimes half the fun of looking for your family out there - is dreaming about it - because quite honestly sometimes what you expect to find is nothing compared to your dreams. Sometimes you will be disappointed in not getting what you expect - and sometimes (as I found) my dreams could never have compared to how great it was to meet my birthmother for the first time.

At one point in my life, as a teenager, I went through some really depressing times and had some medical stuff go on - and I felt that I couldn't go on with out meeting my birthmom - the feeling I had of wanting and needing to meet her was SO strong. As I got older I learned to manage the overpowering emotions - and I realized that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was as a kid.

Answer 6

No, that's not bad at all! Does your mom know you want to meet your birthmother? If not, you should talk to her and make sure she understands that you're not trying to find your birthmother to take her place. Your birthmother would be so excited to finally hear from you and meet you. I gave my son up for adoption at birth and we've been reunited for 13 months now and we've developed a beautiful relationship, I'm also close to his adoptive parents. I'd never try to take their place, I'm very fortunate that he understands my reasons behind adoption (my very abusive father) and loves me. BTW, my son, his adoptive mom, and I got matching tattoos symbolizing the adoption triad! Best of luck to you and I wish you and your birthmom a very happy and healthy relationship!

Answer 7

of course it isn't a Bad thing to want to meet your birth parents! What i would do is talk to your mom and dad (adoptive) and ask them what they think. Make sure to make it very clear to them that you love them so much, and no one could ever replace them.

Answer 8

its not a bad thing, just wait until you are an adult to do it.

Answer 9

everyone wants to know their real parents. i'm sure about it. just don't hurt your parents.

Answer 10

Nothing wron with it at all.  My father was adopted and never felt the need to find his biological parents because he feard he would find out something he didnt want to.  After my father passed away I started doing some searching on it and found out everyone in his adoptive family has been taught/taold its something not to be talked about.  I called his cousin and asked a question or two she said she would find some stuff out and call me back and I havent talked to her since then (5years) and she wont answe rmy calls.  

It is ever very helpfull to find out if there is any  common medical problems in your family so you will know what to look for or warn your dr.'s about.

Answer 11

no thats not a bad thing and i think ur adopted parents should understand u can let u have a chance to decide what u want to do and also that they should be there to support u.....

Answer 12

it's not a bad idea just becareful not to hurt your adopt parents b/c they going to thingk that u r looking 4 ur biological father b/c you don't want to  be with them any more or something like that. think about it

Answer 13

No, that doesn't change the fact that you love your adoptive parents... When you feel completely ready, you can begin your search to meet your real parents, and even keep in touch and establish some sort of relationship.. Good Luck! =]

Answer 14

I think it's normal to want to meet your bio family, and nothing to be ashamed of. Best of luck.

Answer 15

Have you talked to your parents? Are they willing to bring your "real" mom into your lives?

How would you want to meet your "real" mom - meet with your parents, write a letter, talk on the phone?

What  do you want to do with your "real" mom?

What do you want to do with the mom who is your parent?

What makes a "real" mom? The one that is your biological parent who has that genetic connection or the mom that changed your diapers and stayed up at night when you were sick, fed you, loved and took care of you.

Your "real" mom is a total stranger. What do you want to know about her or share with her?

You might also want to read books by adopted children who contacted their birth parents, or get online.

You are very fortunate to have your loving parents.

When you are ready, have thought about all these questions, talked to your parents, then do what your heart tells you.

Good luck with your quest.

Answer 16

Hi, I was adopted also and I'm 39 yo now. I have always thought about my real mom and dad and still do. I tried to find out about them the first time when I was about 10 yo and again when I was 15, I mean I really wanted to meet them at that time, now It's more out of curiosity. I don't know how old you are now, and I would suggest that It would be better if your closer to being an adult than trying when your still your adoptive parents responsibility by law, (you might hurt their feelings) also it would be better for you if it turns out that your mom is not what you imagined and being poor was not the reason.(I found out that my mom and dad were not married and that my dad went to Vietnam and didn't come home so my mom gave me up because she was still a teen and a catholic and back then that's what you did. I went to the nuns and was an orphan for 2 years.) That's what I was told and that's the image I have of her, I never followed through on finding her when I became an adult, I didn't want to ruin the image I have of her if it turns out  she's a flake.

Answer 17

It is not a bad thing. You might want to add> how do your adopted parents feel about this?

Answer 18

Of course it's not a bad thing. I would talk to my folks first though, just to let them know.

Answer 19

Not at all!!! My cousin was adopted and he loves his parents very much but he wants to meet his biological mother. It does not signify that you do not truly love your adoptive parents. All it signifies is that you are human and therefore curious. It's normal and hopefully your adoptive parents will know and understand that. People are always curious as to where their base roots lie. And your biological parents are a part of your base roots. It can be very difficult if not impossible to find your biological parents in certain cases, just as a forwarning.

But it is normal and natural and do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about it. Especially since they probably do not know what it is like to not know your biological parents. Just make sure that you are ready to meet them.

Good luck and hope this helped.

Answer 20

im goin threw same thing right now im 30 have a had a great life with great parents i want to meet biological but scared. i dont want ot hurt my adopted parents but i jus need closure

Answer 21

I know the feeling. Same thing happened to me, except I was given up because my dad left her. It is not a bad thing. Try talking to you parents about it, I know it is hard. It took me a year to finally talk to them about it. It might help.

Answer 22

No, it isn't bad to want to meet your birth mother. Just please remember to call her that: Birth Mother. As an adoptive mother, I'd be so hurt if my son called his birth mother his "real" mother. I know it's just semantics, but I correct people on this all the time. Your birth mother is an important person in your life and if you want to meet her and your adoptive parents approve (if you're under 18), then you should do it. But don't demean the relationship you have with your adoptive parents by calling your birth mother your "real" mother.

Answer 23

No.  It's never a bad thing to want to meet your biological parents.

Good luck!

Answer 24

no. i hope and pray that my daughter will want to meet me.

Answer 25

no its something i personaly think you have the right to know

Answer 26

not at all

i was adopted by my grandparents and i still see my real mom but not my real dad, so i can relate, because i  really want to meet my real dad, too. it's perfectly normal, and chances are you will someday.

Answer 27

No!  Of course not.  That's almost like what happened to me, I never met my 2 sisters until 1 year ago I did & the other I haven't met but I REALLY want to meet her!

Answer 28

It's not a bad thing at all.  It's very natural for a person to want to know their heritage.  Adoption search and reunion can be a difficult process as well as an emotional process.  I recommend letting your parents know that you are curious and that this does not change the way that you feel about them.  It is natural for the parents to feel some hurt and it is up to you to talk with them and be honest with them as well.  There are so many secrets surrounding adoption that it is best to be open with the ones that you love.  

You do not state how old you are.  Each state has different laws regarding what age you can start searching.  If you are under the age of of 18 you may need your parents to initiate the search process for you.  Here is a link that will give you the laws for each state and what step you can take should you decide to proceed to search.

http://local.reunion.adoption.com/

Best of luck to you.

Answer 29

im adopted too,and its not a bad thing to do that...listen to your heart darling!

Answer 30

I don't think its a bad thing but just remember that your adopted parents choose you because they wanted you and your other parents put you up for adoption because they love you and wanted the best for you and remember too that they are just people and people make mistakes