I was adopted at birth, found one of my brothers a year ago.?

Question

Met my birth mother ten years ago, havent spoke to her since, that was her choice. Now my brother has to keep it secret from her when we do meet, will she ever come around. She knows we have met but is in denial. I have four more brothers to meet.

Answer 1

well you know its funny but some people are weird to say the least. i met my sister ( i was adopted) after 20 years she is just like drinking too much and saying shes done there were alot of things between us and she didn't want nothing else to do with us. well that is ok. i met her kids and my other sisters kids and stuff i learnt alot it was very sad but ok and that is how to look at it. i doubt she will change they generally dn't of what i have seen maybe when she is old but i doubt it just pick yourself up and move on its ok just remember you did. i know it may hurt abit but dont' worry you have folks adopted ones and they love you that is all that counts. you are the lucky one that you got out of that household for somereason.

Answer 2

Sounds like you could use some adoptee support. Our family relationships are often complex thanks to the wunnerful miracle of adopton.

http://www.adultadoptees.org

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.org

Answer 3

I don't know if she'll ever come around.  She may have to be forced to face that you have been out of her life, but now you are back.  Ask her why she has been in denial or why she is against you meeting your brothers.  It's all her choice, unless you ignore her and go ahead and meet your other brothers thru the brother you know.

Answer 4

WHY does your brother have to keep his contact with you a secret?  Is he still a minor or is he an adult?  What would happen if he did tell?  

My bmother refused contact.  I seriously doubt mine will ever "come around" as you call it.  She is obviously very unresolved about relinquishing me for adoption, and I presume that she pretends I died at birth (the cover story she told).  I feel sorry for her.

Answer 5

I'm so happy that you have reconnected with your family

If you and your brothers haven't read it already, may I suggest reading a book entitled "The Girls Who Went Away" by Ann Fessler

I'm sure it will give you a huge insight into what your mother is going through and perhaps give you guys some ideas of how to get her to deal with the pain she has buried so deep for so long

I wish you all the best

Answer 6

If your mother doesn't want to have contact, let her be.  I know it must be difficult.  You can still have a productive relationship with your siblings.  I would urge you to do so.  Good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 7

..they part of your life..that is something nice to look forward to..

Answer 8

thats great that you found your blood reletives

Answer 9

Time will tell if she will come around.  But there's no reason why you shouldn't get to know your siblings.  Some birthmoms have trouble with the guilt that they have and then there's some that try to block that period in their life.  Enjoy your time with your siblings.  Get to know them.  They may be your best ally when it comes to meeting up with your birthmom again.

Answer 10

you're allowed to have a relationship with your brother if you choose.  just like the rest of the family has a right not to like it.  part of life.

Answer 11

I think that's great you're meeting your birth family. I'm sorry your mother has not been so understanding, that's terrible. I think you should continue to meet with your brother.. he's your biological family.. you are blood related. It's your choice to see him, not hers. Good luck!

Answer 12

it is truley up to you if you want to go meet your brothers go ahead

Answer 13

Go ahead and meet your brothers, if it upsets your birth mother, tough luck

Answer 14

Its great you are meeting with your brother. Your mother may or may not come around. Perhaps she will find out how positive your connection with your brother is and reconsider. No advice really, just good wishes.

Answer 15

It's unfortunate about your birth mom. I'm sorry. Not all adoption reunions go well. Especially years ago, women had many stigmas placed upon them if they were unmarried, pregnant and adopted out their children. Some women never resolve all the pain and shame and regret and can't move past it. Don't push her. Just have your relationship with your brother. If he feels like he needs to lie to her or not tell her about his relationship with you, that's his choice, and I wouldn't get involved. Hopefully your brother can facilitate your meeting the other siblings.

You can't force people to feel a certain way. You can't change anyone but yourself. You should just respect their feelings and wishes and just hope for the best, that someday they will come around.

Good luck!