I was in foster care the first 4 months of my life. I'm thinking about searching for my foster parents at 28.

Question

I was adopted as a baby. But I was in foster care for 4 months before my parents could bring me home. I've met both birth parents and their respective families, become close with them briefly, and then had a falling out of sorts. Over the last few years (even before I lost contact with my birth family), I became really curious about my foster parents. I've thought about them before, but it wasn't until this last year that I just can't seem to let go of the fact that there was another set of parents out there who took care of me before I came home. I'm not looking to fill the void in the loss of contact with my birthfamily - as there isn't a void. Sadness, yes. But I am finding peace in that situation. But I'm always wondering about whether they'd even remember me anymore? Do they love me? Did they? Or what someone else's experience has been with this. Whether you're a foster parent, met your foster parents, or if anyone out there may be feeling similar things? I'm curious mainly...

Answer 1

You don't become a foster parent because you don't love children. I am sure that your foster parents think about you often and wonder how you are doing. I would think they would love to meet the person you became. You were with them a very short period of time but I remember a child I had for 1 month. While they are in your care, they are your children. I guess that is if they were in foster parenting for the right reasons. I am not sure that 28 years ago they did all of the screening they do now so it is possible that they were in it for the money. It is sad to say but there is a small percentage of people that get past the case workers that are foster parents for the money. I think it was more prevelent back in the day but some still are in it for money today. If they take care of the children as they should there is no money to be made doing foster care but if you do not buy the kids clothes, toys, school supplies, education aides to get them up to grade level, etc, you can make a small amount of money at the expense of the kids in their care.

At any rate, I would definately go back and try to locate your former foster parents. I remember kids I baby sat in the 1970's and 80's and would love to see how they turned out.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I am a foster parent.  I have only been doing it for a short time, but I have loved every single child that has stayed in my home.  I think about them often after they go home.  At this point, I have fostered 8 children.  I would be honored if years from now one of them felt that I was important enough to contact!  Some of the children we have been able to keep in contact with because their mother wanted what was best for them and she felt it was best to let us be a small part of thier lives.  I am thankful for that every we visit with them!

I would at least look into it and see if you could even find out who they were.  Best of luck to you!

Answer 3

Hello,  My wife and I are foster parents and every child that has been in our home (approx 30) is the arrival of a new life that we hope to touch.  I am sure they remember you and have probably thought and prayed about you since you left.  please try to find them and thank them.  This is sometimes thankless work.  we love fostering and have loved every child we have had.  Letting them know that you are doing well will be a feather in their cap. I am sure they will be glad to see you.

Answer 4

My husband and I have been a foster parent to 54 children and I remember each one.  We adopted 2 and we have 2 currently and we have contact with 2 -one that we had for his 1st yr. and he went home (now 9rs.) and one was adopted by a friend of ours (now 8yrs) we had for 3 weeks.

It is a great joy to see both boys and we have a picture album of all our babies and yes when they were in our care they were "OUR BABIES"  The boys love to look a their pictures and they know that we LOVE them and always will.  

We would LOVE to hear from any of "OUR BABIES"

Our Daughter that we adopted came to us at 10 mo's and was in an emergency foster home for 3 months before she came to us and she talks to her foster mom "JUDI" and colors her pictures and Judi comes to all her birthday parties.  My daughter loves butterflies and Judi is always piking up butterfly things for her.  It is a special connection that never leaves.  We just had a 2 day old baby girl for a week, she left foot prints on my heart that will always be there.  

I say find your Foster parents and you will find LOVE!!!!

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

they probably signed medical forms and such.  apply for your records.  you may be a ble to get a placement history from the agency also.

Answer 6

I know foster parents.  They do get to know the children they care for very well...even if for a brief moment.  They learn the situations children are in, why they are in foster care, and especially in abusive cases, they go on to wonder how the children lived the rest of their life.  But most wont try to contact any of them as that would have been a more traumatic time in these children's lives and they wouldn't want to stir up old memories.  They always do love them though.  I think it's totally up to you.....your personal situation.  If you really feel you want to contact them, then do so.  I'm sure they would love to see a happy case, and they may really remember you well.  Even though you were so small, babies sometimes take a bigger piece of your heart.  Good Luck

Answer 7

GO FOR IT.IT WILL NOT HURT NOTHING AT ALL. YOU THEY HAD TO CARE FOR YOU OR THEY WOULD NOT BE IN THE FOSTER CARE BUSSINESS. IT TAKES A GOOD PERSON TO CARE FOR A CHILD AND THEN HAVE TO GIVE THEM UP FOR ADOPTAGE.EVEN IF IT 1 DAY OR 4 MONTHS THEY CARE. GOOD LUCK.....IT CAN NOT BE NO WORST THEN MEETING YOUR REAL PARNETS. IF YOU ARE NOT SURE WHAT TO DO,TALK TO YOUR ADOPTED PARNETS. THEY ARE THE ONES THAT HAD MEET THE FOSTER PARNETS TO GET YOU..IF THEY DON'T KNOW THEN MAYBE THEY CAN TELL YOU WERE TO GO AND GET THE ANWERS YOU ARE NEEDING...I WAS ADOPTED 40 YRS AGO AND SOMETIME I THINK I WOULD LIKE TO SEE MY REAL PARNETS,BUT I DON'T KNOW. BUT I AM HAPPY WERE I AM NOW. BECAUSE IN MY HEART I KNOW THEY BOTH DON'T WHAT THEY THOUGH WAS A GOOD THING FOR ME.SO GO AND FILL THE SPACE IN YOUR HEART.

Answer 8

I totally understand your situation. I was in faster care from the time I was 3 until I was 18, and for the first year I was cared for by one person until I was sent to live with family. My aunt allowed her to keep contact with my sister and I, so I knew who she was doing. I'm pretty sure they will remember you, its hard to forget something like that. My "foster" mother, has had at least 50-60 children in her care and she remembers them all, it amazes me! Even if they weren't with her long, she remembers them.

Answer 9

After working closely with foster parents, I can be pretty sure that they love you and will remember the four months that they took care of you.  Having you move into an adoptive home was probably bittersweet for your foster parents because they wanted you to have "a forever family" but they also missed you.

I think that it might help you to have some of the last pieces of your life puzzle, and it would mean the world to them to know that you are healthy and happy.

Best wishes.

Answer 10

I don't have any direct experience, but I can't imagine taking care of a baby for 4 months and not loving that child, or forgetting about it. The foster parents I have talked to remember every single child that came into their lives, even if it was only for a few days and no matter how many years it's been.

I am sure they have wondered how you were. :)

Answer 11

I dont know how things are in your country but here in New Zealand we cant find out that information.

I was fostered (in Childrens homes) from birth to 12 years off and on (I had a mother I lived with occasionally)

When I was 18 I applied for my social welfare files, which took a while to come back, when I got them back, I was very disapointed, everything had been crossed out, so all the names were unreadable.  (I wont even go into how useless the files were!!)

You should ring the child protection authorites in your city (or where you were born) and find out if there is any way to get your files like I did... if so, that might have the information you need.  otherwise its just a case of tring to find out if someone remembers what their names were and googling them or looking them up on the net.

Goodluck

Answer 12

I would definitely try to locate them.  I would think that since you were with them for 4 months that their names should be in your adoption file.  They most likely would have given your case worker health and well being reports prior to you adoption.  I am also an adoptee with a less than happy birth family reunion.  I understand what you mean by a sadness.  I have that as well.  

Good luck

Answer 13

I think I would want to also. I can't say I've been in that situation before, but obviously if they took you in I'm sure they loved you and still remember you!! I would go for it :)