I was lied to about my adoption over 30 years ago.?

Question

i was always told that i was adopted but some of the details were off ..with the help of my husband we have put information that is contradicting what i was first told. my adoptive parents told me was my dad never showed up to fight for me they didnt tell me they went to his house when i was one month old with cps or legal and just took me to live with them, my father never showed up because he didnt know what had happened or where i was. if this is the case since i technically was kidnapped by all rights is the adoption legal. i feel he coulnt find me because my name was changed and taken to a new city. he didnt have alot of money this was back in the 1970's if he coulnt find me how would he show up to fight,. it took my parents 3 years to finalize the adoption they said they were worried i would be taken from them at any moment .. my husband is the one that really got the ball rolling on this. i didnt want to dig about this always afraid that something would come out.

Answer 1

I do not know what to say but I am very sorry this happened to you.

Answer 2

What is your question?

Answer 3

What is your question?

edit to answer the question:

It depends on the laws in existence in the state where your adoption was finalized.  b*****d Nation might have better answers.

Answer 4

Wow, that is horrible, I am really sorry that happen to you. You have everyy right to be upset but really what can you do, did the people that raised you raise you good, did you have good childhood? I mean what is it that you want to happen, do you want your adoptive parents to get into trouble? What would be the point of contacting an attorney? What's done is done, try getting in touch with the rest of your family and get to know them, you wont have time to do all that if you are dealing with legal matters.

Answer 5

K--lemme see if I have it right--I think you just want to know the truth to what happened.  You cannot just assume that you were kidnapped?  Why?  Because you don't know the whole story, or the underlying circumstances.  Maybe the two families had some sort of verbal agreement, so that they could avoid all of the mumble jumble legalities of it.  So, do not jump to conclusions...just be thankful that some family decided to love you, even through all of the abuse, they took the time to look after you and finalize the adoption legally.  It sounds like to me, also, that your bio.parents, were not mentally stable to take care of you.  Again, you should be blessed that you were not there with them.

If you are only wanting to know your medical history, this is so simple to get---here in Canada, we just write to the agency that handled the adoption.  I was adopted out of the Roman Catholic Children's Aid Society, and there is where my record was and I was able to obtain some medical, and some history to my family.  It was really overwhelming.  Also in Canada, as of September, all adoptees are permitted to write and obtain our birth certificates.  If you do write someone, you need to ask for your non-identifying information.  That is the info without names, addresses, phone numbers, etc...You will not be able to get a hold of your birth certificate as that is not permitted under law.  There needs to be some sort of privacy to an adoption.  But if you know your parents names (deceased or alive) you can trace your family with that.  That is how I found my bio. family.  Plus, it also helped, if you can, your adoptive parents must have a copy of your adoption order, this is how I found out I was adopted and remembered my birth name.  We found my bio family in 2 days.  

If you are really wanting to pursue this, you need to make sure that you have come to terms with everyone in the family.  You cannot hold grudges, have any resentment.  You need to let it ALL go.  People are abusive for reasons (as that is an ailment), and people keep secrets to protect the family.  My uncle never knew that I had existed until the letter he one day received from me.  You need to be prepared and keep an opened mind.  Anything that has happened in the past has made you a better person for this, and keep that strength for the challenge ahead.  If you don't want to know anything about anyone, and all you want is your non-identifying information, then tell your hubby to stop digging and just tell him you want medical info.  As for thinking that there is a charge maybe of kidnapping, there is always a statute of limitations on things, and this one has gone way over the limits.  The adoption is legal if there are papers that have been signed in a court of law.

To this day, I have the best relationship with my uncle, and I just recently told my B/M that until she can communicate more with me, and not us me as a trophy family, then I will not want anything to do with her.  It is a difficult period...but 35 years without her, and I told her that I can go another 35 more.  

Good luck.  I hope that you find what ya need, and remember to be prepared for the worse.

Answer 6

wow. really sorry about what happened to your family. its a good thing your husband helped you find the truth though!

Answer 7

perhaps you were put into missing children have you looked into that they did not need money to make a pol;ice report

Answer 8

you should def find your dad he might be STILL looking for you with the name you had before so good luck on finding him

Answer 9

You had my sympathy there for a few minutes. After I wrote the answer below I read your multiple updates. You lost me. At this point my advice is to go be evaluated by a mental health professional. It sounds like you probably inherited your suspected birth mother's psychiatric disorders..

#1 - Tell your husband "thank you".  He apparently sees how wonderful and lovable you are and couldn't imagine anyone not wanting you.

#2 - Forgive your real parents [the ones who raised you].  They obviously adored you and were terrified at the thought of losing you.

#3 - Realize that the grown-ups in this situation were normal, fallible human beings who had normal human emotions and reactions. Try to imagine your best friend in the same position that they were in. What would her actions and reactions be?

#4 - Forgive yourself. Your faith in your parents made you willing to accept everything they told you as truth.

#5 - Don't turn dear old "dad" into a saint who did no wrong in this situation. You really don't know what he knew nor what he would have done had he been able to find you. Maybe he didn't even care enough to bother. Or maybe he would have snatched you out of the stable home you were in and waged a devastating custody battle. Who knows?

Answer 10

I also am wondering what the question is......

Answer 11

ohh so sorry to hear that!!! your lucky to have a husband that is helping you through this hard time!!! good luck to you and allllll your family!!!

Answer 12

My experience with these situations is that birthparents usually have VERY GOOD reasons for placing a child for adoption, letting a child go, or not fighting for a child.  Sometimes it is bordering on disrespectful (although understandable!) to dig so deep into something that someone obviously wanted to remain more distant or private.  Birthparents love their children and act out of love when they give them over to some else to raise.  Yes, all  medical info should be exchanged.  Everyone has a right to know that.  And we all have a right no know the details of our conception and birth, etc.  But I don't think most of us necessarily know all these details even if we were not adopted.  We know what we were told.  Maybe my mom was not exactly in love with my dad like she was when she had my older brothers, but then maybe I don't really want to know that.  Maybe I wasn't planned and my mother was depressed when she had me.  But maybe I don't need to know that.  See?

Answer 13

I think I know what YOUR Question is What if I was kidnapped? Am I able to file charges? I think I would check every path out first to see if you have any legal standing Because back 30 yrs ago it was hard for parents that had kids out of wedlock to raise them I am not saying you were from that kind of family I think finding out from

Where you were born? County ,State and see if you can come up with a Geneology person in your area that may help you to find out the answers to what you are looking for I know it has got to be so difficult without knowing But If you were raised good Dont question it Just tell your adopted parents what you want To find out medical history If a relationship forms with the biological family so be it Doesnt mean that YOUR adopted Parents treated you wrong They may even help you to find out the answers.....YOU can email me if youd like and maybe I could help you out with something Thanks for listening to me