I was really mean to my dog-please help?

Question

Before I adopted my APBT, I read so many books about dog training. Every book said that the owner should ensure that the dog knows who is boss. When I got her, though I was loving, I was very strict and structured. She gets plenty of exercise, food, and fresh air. She is a sweet dog, and everyone loves her. Anyway, tonight I flipped out on her when I came home and saw some of my possessions destroyed. She looked really guilty, and I yelled and plucked her rear end. I am really ashamed of myself, and I feel that she lost trust in me. I was a bully. I saw she was frightened and I took advantage. She is nothing but loving and kind, and I truly do love her. I think I got scared of her bad behavior and felt afraid she would start being disobedient. My husband says that he noticed I am often too strict with her. How do I stop being so stern? I adopted her because I really wanted a dog to love and care for. Somewhere along the way, the love left and the structure came in. Please help. I know some of you may think "she's just a dog", but she is part of my family and I want to be a great pet-parent. Will she forgive me? How do I make things right? Only serious answers please. Thanks.

Answer 1

It's normal and a good sign you feel bad for how you scolded her.  Dogs do need structure, but also lots of love and attention.  Your dog probably chewed your possessions from separation anxiety.  You should love your dog up, but if you feel like all you do is tell her what not to do she will expect that's all you can give.  If you really want your dog to know her boundaries and be obedient why don't you try some training classes.  Petsmart offers training classes they are inexpensive, and work well - I got my dog trained there.  They will give you techniques to work w/your dog, and you will learn the balance of being to strict to being the boss who loves their dog.  Don't beat yourself up, just try spending time w/your dog, give it good praise - you'll find when you praise your dog for good behavior they will be very responsive, and a lot more relaxed around you.  And your not alone, their isn't a dog owner that hasn't lost their temper w/the pets. Best of Luck!

Answer 2

Show me the dog owner or parent who hasn't lost it once or twice and I'll show you a saint. I lost it one time with my dog, when I was rushing for a ferry with take-out food in one hand, leash in the other, and the dog made an uncharacteristic lunge towards another dog and pulled me right down to the sidewalk. I was so mad I was standing there yelling at her in the street, and I don't yell at dogs since I find that a look and a bit of snap in the voice works better. Don't worry about this. A one-time incident won't make much difference if any. It's the day after day abuse and neglect that really affects a dog, and it's clear that your dog, on the whole, is getting what she needs. Everyone has a different style with their dog and there isn't just one that's right. I'm also one of those who gives my dog a lot of structure and I'm not overly affectionate--no baby talk, etc. My dog is also well-behaved, very sweet and very popular. Some might think I'm too strict, but I see a lot of dogs who need more and not less structure. So ease up a bit if it will make you feel better, which is easier to do anyway as the dog gets older and better trained, and make a point of having a few cuddle moments each day with the dog.

You're quite right that part of why you got so mad is that you felt that your dog misbehaving reflected on your training. Very human reaction. It takes quite a bit of self-control and insight at the moment these things happen to realize that the fault wasn't the dog's but yours. However, if the dog does something awful and you show no reaction, the dog may think that whatever it was doesn't matter. I once came home to find that the dog had sh*t on the floor. I decided it was my fault since I hadn't taken him out enough, so I shouldn't chew him out for it. He slunk around the house for half and hour, so I told him off while pointing to the spot. He hung his head and all that until I was finished, then got very happy. He knew he'd done something bad, had been waiting for the punishment, and was glad it was all over now.

Also, figure out if you can what brought on the chewing incident and take steps to prevent it happening in the future. Was the dog lonely, bored, were you away longer than usual, or what? She may be happier conmfined to a smaller area.

Answer 3

She'll forgive you and probably already has by the time you're reading my answer. You lost your temper, which is only human. Your dog is unharmed and you've learned from the experience, so since it's not something you've done before or will do again (I assume), try not to beat yourself up over it. Play with her, take her for walks, train her to strengthen the bond between you again.

Remember, when correcting a dog, the correction must preferably fall as soon as the dog even contemplates doing something wrong or during the action itself. Later corrections must fall within seconds or they will not connect the correction with the wrong-doing.

I can't tell you how to be less stern, but it might help to focus more on her good behaviours than her bad. Like do you remember to praise her when she's doing something you approve of, like not begging for food at the table or lying quietly in her bed or by your feet when you watch TV, peeing outside etc. - all of the of the things we tend to take for granted that is actually good behaviour.

I communicate a great deal with my dog "ah" and "no" for correcting behaviour and "goooood girl" and silly praise for good behaviour and just for being sweet in general. A correction should always be followed by praise when the dog does as it is told eg. stops biting the couch, so that at any given day, the dog will have received more praise than corrections.

My dog is very focused on me and gets upset if I am angry with her, even when I try to hide it, so if I'm not able to let go of my anger within a few minutes, I usually give myself a time-out until I've calmed down again. Human time-outs are a good thing and saved my sanity when my first dog was in her teen-phase and a destructive and obnoxious brat. The time-outs also prevented me from loosing my temper with her.

Answer 4

im having the same problem..... i'll put this on my watchlist so i can come bak to read the answers later.

thanks for posting it. i have a APBT too. =]  

Answer 5

Don't worry, I think everyone that owns a cat or dog probably looses their patience with them at some point. My recently adopted jack russell/min pin mix has a habit of eating our clothes. Go figure!! And every time I find a chewed up shirt or good pair of jeans I get really angry and call her bad names. I feel horrible and she always looks soo sorry she did it, even though I know she is only reacting to the way I am acting. I have even spanked her. Just know that as long as you are not always hitting her or being abusive she'll be fine.  

Answer 6

Well, if she's not sure about you right now, you should regain her trust, let her know that you didn't mean it and is sorry, pet her gently and nicely. And you should only be strict to her if she is doing something wrong, if not, then why should you be mean? If she is loving and caring then it shouldn't be a problem. hope it works out

Answer 7

Just love her. Play with her and only correct her when absolutely necessary! Soon she will see that you love her and just want the best for her.

Answer 8

She'll forgive you, just provide plenty of love.

You should be stern, but you should also be loving. There *are* times when you can say "good girl" for no reason (as long as she's not misbehaving) or talk to her in a baby voice. She'd probably love that.

Is she still a puppy? Maybe crating her when you are out (as long as it's not for too long) would keep her from destroying things.

Answer 9

okay, i know how bad you feel. we also have an american pit bull(gunnermack 2.5 years old). anyway, there was one day where everything was just going wrong ( by wrong i mean everything )and all he wanted was my attention. well i was frustrated beyond belief. all he did was walk into the same room as  me and ask for a treat. i blew up at him, he went to his couch, hiding his head and shaking. i felt horrible. i sat down beside him, and asked to see his face, the saddest face i have ever seen. i took his head into my arms and hugged him told him i was sorry for yelling at him. it took him about an hour to get off of his couch, but when he did i got the biggest kiss ever. pitties are very sensitive creatures, and i was a very bad mom that day. since then we have taught each other, and have also respected one anothers space. just love her and  respect her. she will give you unconditional love, for the rest of her life. not to mention how goofy they are. the best clowns god ever made!

Answer 10

Actually, structure is really good for a dog. My dog likes having a routine and structure in his life. Whenever we have to change that routine, he gets stressed and unhappy. It is also important to be a leader to your dog, and communicate to her what is right and what is wrong. So I think you are already on the right path.

The most important thing in terms of achieving leadership is to always be calm and assertive. That was the hardest thing for me to do, but it really makes a big difference. Every time I feel myself getting angry, I would catch myself, and practice breathing slowly. If I can't control my temper, I will leave for a bit and only come back when I am more calm. I find that talking in a calm voice also helps me control my anger.

For now, I would put your dog in a long-term confinement area (e.g. kitchen) when you are not around. Make sure the space is safe and secure and put in bedding, water bowl, puppy pads (if needed), and lots of safe chew toys and food toys. That way, she only chews on the safe chew toys rather than your prized possessions.

When you are around to supervise, non-mark her (No) when she chews on something she shouldn't and redirect her onto a chew toy. Praise her well when she starts chewing on the toy.

Following the NILIF program and doing regular obedience sessions will also help.

Answer 11

First let me say that you are human.  We all get frustrated and lose it sometimes.  The trick is to learn from our mistakes.  Dogs are one of the most forgiving creatures that God made.  Now forgive yourself.

Boundaries and consistency are necessary but so is love and affection.  I suggest going to a good obedience class.  The trainer can give you some tools for how to react to different situations.  Look into some positive reinforcement training.  I do not know what you mean by "plucked"  but if it meant hit in any way vow to never do that again.  Dogs do not understand about possessions.  If it looks good at the moment to chew, they chew.  We have to teach them what is off limits.  Until she understands this keep everything out reach that you don't want destroyed.  Confine her when she is not with you.  

You sound like you are trying to be a  good owner who had a "Moment".  

Answer 12

Your dog will forgive you, but from now on you need to be more loving and kind to her.   Do you really want this dog?   How were YOU treated as a child?   Were you abused?    If you can't be a responsible pet owner, consider giving the dog to a more loving home.   And what do you mean that you "plucked her rear end"?      PLEASE don't abuse this innocent dog no matter how much she might misbehave.

***I don't think my answer was unnecessary at all.   Some animals endure h**l  from abusive owners.    And I can't stand that.   You either want a pet to love and care for or you don't.   Mistreating an animal shows the owner has a temper problem or something similar.   Sorry if I offended you, but I just hate to see an animal mistreated.   They don't understand.