I was thinking of open adoption but there are no laws requiring the adoptive parents to keep it open?

Question

what if they just close me off completly? or if they move far far away?!

Answer 1

Most prospective adoptive parents want a baby.

A baby totally free of a mother and another family.

(not all - but most)

Because that's what they think adoption is about for them - getting a baby to call their own.

They don't really care what the child needs - or what the mother needs.

Tragically - the child NEEDS to know and see his/her bio family - and not just a few photos once a year - for better emotional and psychological health.

Many adoptive parents have promised the world to a relinquishing mother - simply to close up - and never have contact again once they have the child.

No - it doesn't always happen this way - but FAR TOO OFTEN - it does.

This child really needs YOU.

Do all you possibly can to keep you child.

Here are some links for help -

http://www.cubirthparents.org/booklet.pd...

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/

http://www.singlepregnancy.com/

I wish you are your baby - all the best the world can give.

Answer 2

You would need that written into the agreement that the adoption remains open and what that means to you - - letters, photos, visits, etc.

Answer 3

As others have pointed out, once you terminate your parental rights you have no rights over how others choose to raise your son or daughter. Even if some kind of "contract" for an open adoption is written up it is not enforceable.

Here are some links about open adoption.

http://www.birthmothers.info/index.html

“With an "open" adoption the mother may have some visitation or promises of pictures or letters from the people who adopted. But with an "open" adoption, the mother may be taken by surprise by the intensity of the pain and anguish as time goes by and the adopters - the people who profitted from her suffering - grow increasingly distant or cut her off completely.”

http://www.angelfire.com/or/originsnsw/o...

“Just as the peak suicide rate in Australian women coincided with the peak adoption period, suicide and attempted suicide is not uncommon amongst mothers who are part of the new ***open adoption*** practice.”

http://motherhelp.info/open_adoption.htm

“The Truth about Open Adoption. Open adoption is presented to you like a beautiful box of candy. But when the box is opened, it is empty inside. The promises made by seemingly kind prospective adopters nearly always fade within a year or two after an open adoption is finalized. They want a baby. But they don't want you. Natural family members (who are referred to by the dehumanizing term "birth relatives") must know "their place" and be careful not to say something to upset adopters or their adoption will be closed.”

http://www.originscanada.org/thewall/ind...

“The cruelest tactic used to obtain a baby is the use of the open adoption "carrot", the promise to a mother or family of continuing contact with their child. Many parents don't know that the adoption may be closed at any time without their consent. Frequently, the adoption is closed immediately; the promise of openness made only to lure them in. For the natural family, it's devastating.

From the industry standpoint, open adoption has a clear advantage: Mothers whose children were adopted-out know that for speaking out honestly about the effects of adoption on themselves, their child and the rest of their family, the "punishment" will be cutting off all contact with their child.” (I believe the person above who posted “do try not to be disrespectful to them about their place in the child's life” is talking about this; if you disrespect the APs in anyway, they can punish you and your child and cut contact.)

http://www.keepyourbaby.com/open_adoptio...

The open lies of “open adoption”

******

If you have not given birth yet, please focus all of your energy on how to keep your son or daughter with you. Adoption should only be considered as a last resort, after you have given birth, held and nursed your child to allow the bond between the two of you to develop further.

I do not recommend adoption.

Best of luck,

Answer 4

Ihonestly my cousin and her husband did a open adoption with there babys mother 2 yrs ago and they sent her a pic once a month and a video once a yr .. i guess its the people you choose.. me and my husband are lookin into adoptin right now were goin to try to adopt a child 6yrs old or less...  its just kinda hard to find the right ppl.. but good luck with everything

Answer 5

well your giving these people the right to make any decisions they want ..when you give up your child for adoption even open adoption....the adoptive parents have legal/moral right to move away.....if your that concerned over it why are you still giving your child up for adoption....there is help out there for single moms if you need it

Answer 6

Be-careful if you do chose to do an open adoption because unfortunately, the moment the a-parents feel threatened they will drive you away. Its human nature and there are to many selfish people out there no matter how loving and kind they appear at first. You will lose your right to even see a photo of your baby.  There are too many dirty loopholes with open adoption.

Answer 7

"OPEN" adoption is NOT enforceable.

Answer 8

That is one of the risks of going into an Open adoption. The adoptive parents become the legal parents and they can choose who they want or don’t want around their child. If you went into an OA hopefully your birthchild’s parents would honor their agreement, and you too for that matter. Some birthparents do not always hold up their end either.  However there is no guarantee on either end.

As far as moving far away this sometimes happens and can be needed if someone is promoted or moved to another office location for their work, taken a new job,moving to be close to an elderly or ill relative. I don’t feel someone who adopts should have to turn down a career advancement or not move  just because they have an open adoption. In a  case like this the OA would just have to be rearranged, take turns going to visit each other. Or the birthparent could choose to relocate to be closer to the family.

It could also depend on how open would you want an open adoption?  There are some where birthparents/family may only see the child physical once or twice a year, but get updateds (letter, email etc) every few months or so. There are some that are very open where adoptive family and birthfamily become extended family, sometimes even celebrating holidays, going on vacation together.  

I recall reading a post of a woman who is in  a very open open adoption, her child’s birthfamily live close to them. It was not uncommon for them to get together weekly sometime more.  Sometimes maybe one of them (either)   calling  up on  say a Friday and saying you all want to go to the Zoo tomorrow, inviting them to dinner etc.

If you had an arrangement of only seeing your birthchild phyiscal 2 or 3 times a year, the family ever moving somewhere is not going to be an issue.

It is also vital important that boundaries and rules are established on both sides in any Open adoption . Remember an open adoption can always be rearranged to add more or less.  I know on adoption.com one of the mothers said that when they worked it the oa out with their child natural mother, they agreed to at least 3 visits a year. Now if they were comfortable with more, ok but they would have at least 3 visits. And they could even add to their minimum of visits if they wanted too, again it would have to be agreed to by both birth and adoptive parents.

If you do not want to take the risks of Open Adoption then you are just going to have to find a way to parent and keep your child.

Answer 9

You are correct.  So-called "open" adoption means you have no legal rights to your own offspring.

None.  Zilch.  Nada.

Please reconsider this.

Answer 10

If you give your child up for adoption, you retain NO rights.  There are no laws enforcing open adoption agreements.  Even if you put it in writing.  

Your child will miss you, and there won't be a thing you can do about it.  

I would encourage you to explore other options before settling on adoption.

Answer 11

i really wish my adoptive parents would have kept in touch with my biological parents! i bet they dont even know what i look like! or my younger sister! which is sad because they made some beautiful young women and i would give nothing more than to just have an e-mail adress, or a phone number or something so they can at least have a picture. I absolutely DESPISE my adoptive parents, (i said that for no reason, just to throw it in there i guess... ) but i wish they hadnt but you are right, they do nothing to help children keep in contact with their biological parents, im 18, and i cant even get any information on my own about them until im 21, right now i would need my moms consent and i dont speak to her,... or my father, so i have to wait 3 years to even have a chance of knowing if they are even living! =(

Answer 12

Adoption is not the big bad bogey man some of the folks here would have you believe, but it is NOT for everyone.  

There are only a few states in the US that enforce open adoptions, and once you sign away your rights you have no recourse, but if you choose the family carefully, you are likely to get what you want in the way of contact.

Open adoption is NOT that pretty box of candy you were offered... it's more like a marriage.  It takes WORK to keep it open, on both sides.  It's not easy, but it IS workable.

Can the adoptive family cut you off?  yes.  Can they move out of state, or out of country? yes.

Will they?  Not if you have a good relationship with them.  (and they have any control over the situation)

Talk to a lawyer in your town, and find out what the laws in your state are.  Do not work with anyone who says that their firm will represent both you and the adoptive parents.  Do not sign ANYTHING until your child is born, and then not until you have been out of the hospital for a day or two.

If you are working with an agency, GET YOUR OWN LAWYER.

Try taking your baby home, if you can.

I will tell you, as an adoptive mom, that the agency told us point blank to promise the mom anything we wanted, because there was no way it could be enforced.  They told us how to behave in the hospital to ensure that she would place her son with us, showed us movies of what not to do, and while they didn't actually LIE to our son's mom, what they told us, and what they told HER were two totally different things.

If you are certain you want to place your child with a family, insist on seeing the complete home study, not just the stupid little "dear Birthmother" letters.  

good luck, and keep your eyes wide open if you decide to do this.

Answer 13

Dear mom,

You have absolutely no rights once you sign the papers. Even if they were to put "open" adoption in writing, if the laws don't support it, it's not enforced. There have been websites put up by adoption agencies making it look like that state has open adoptions. It looks like a government link and very official with laws, etc.... when I called the state agency (it was not an adoption agency, but a government office that knows the laws), they stated that what I read was not true and anyone can put anything on the internet and make it look real.

You will not only be losing your baby, but your grandchildren too. Chances are that you will never trust anyone again and you probably won't want to have children. More times than not, once a woman relinquishes, she doesn't ever want to get pregnant again.

You can look forward to being ridiculed, belittled, and looked down on for giving your baby away. Your life will be one of shame, guilt, and depression. Most "birtmothers" end up drinking or doing drugs to numb the pain, even if they had not done so before hand. Many attempt suicide.

The pain doesn't stop. No one will understand why you did it. You'll find that you will never tell anyone because eventually if they get mad at you, it will be used against you. You will live your "in the closet."

Best wishes.

Answer 14

if you go with open adoption,. you lose.  you won't see your kid again.  there is no law, and you will be screwed.

Answer 15

I believe open adoptions there is a certain level of communication they must keep with you, for ex:pictures,updates. HOPE this helps.

Answer 16

once you sign the papers the baby is no longer yours.  you would need to include certain things in the contract. like if you want to recieve pictures or have a once a year visitation.