I was treated badly as a child and my ?

Question

stepdad hit me all the time critisezed me and mother did not want me thats all in the past now the thing is my eldest daughter takes advantage of me and i dont seem to respect myself enough or say no to her, could my past be the reason for my lack of self respect

Answer 1

In some ways it is. It was because of all that abuse that you don't respect yourself. Sorry if I sound rude but it's also your fault for not respecting yourself. When we become adults, we reach a point were instead of our parents shaping our futures, we shape them instead. So it's hard to blame your parents for what is happening now. I suggest you get counselling. We all need help sometimes. Hopefully you get better.

Answer 2

you need to stop this NOW. Don't ever let anyone disrespect you. That is the number one rule in my house. If you disrespect Mom, you can get out and live elsewhere. I don't stand for any nonsense like that and neither should you.

My best friend lets her adult daughter abuse the h**l out of her, emotionally, financially, mentally, and now I'm starting to see bruises all over her arms, so I'm also thinking the daughter is hitting her. I told her to call the police if she is physically abusing her...no one should have to live with that. Don't be afraid, stand up for yourself!!

You'll be glad you did.

Answer 3

I think she takes advantage of you because you let her get away with stuff because if you think your being strict then you think your turning into your stepdad but your not your just scared that you will hurt her and she wont think of you as a dad anymore but thats not true so you might wanna start putting some rules down and i think she will listen

Answer 4

could definitely be. As children, how our family treats us often dictates how we see ourselves. If your own parents don't want, the child immediately thinks, well, then I must not be a very good child. When you're told something often enough as a child, or shown it, you begin to believe it.

But I say it also depends on your oldest daughters age. If she's a teenager, then part of that could just be normal. Teenagers think they own the world and know everything, you know?  

Answer 5

Oh Lord Yes - those slights, bruises and abuses never go away.  If you think of them they will return as fresh as the day you were hit or belittled - and this can be 60 years later.  

Best thing to do is to write all this out as best you can and then imagine all the time who you would have been had all this miserable bad treatment not taken place.  Who would you be had you had loving parents?

You'd be a person who respects themselves and won't let other people walk on them.

But also - you probably allow your daughter to "take advantage" of you because you don't want to abuse her as you were abused.  You perhaps imagine that the only way to stand up for yourself is to abuse somebody else.  There is a much wiser path which you will discover as you go along.

Answer 6

When a child feels unwanted low self-esteem can and does enter the psyche of the child.

Growing up without treating the damages inflicted by this kind of treatment can carry the self-esteem right along and when a dominant personality appears on the scene, then the need to be wanted comes out in behavioral manifestations of treating and overindulgence.

Practice asserting yourself when the daughter attempts to run your life.  it will not be easy and perhaps getting a life coach to help you through the tough times would be a good idea.

Once a child or even a grown child finds he or she has the upper hand it is hard to regain it and sometimes the only answer is severance of the family member from the family and or the family finances.

Answer 7

You know what , " Our past doesn't define our future". I've read this quote from a great man and I think it's true. In this life you win, you lose. The important thing is that in every failure you learn the lesson hidden in it. Everyday is a day of hope, adventure and a new life. It doesn't matter if your poor or lazy etc. The important thing is you make an effort to change. Nothing in this life is impossible. Just read some of my favorite biographies and be enlighten by their actions. Just try to read it in wikipedia. Thomas Edison( Little formal education, didn't reach High School but one of the brightest minds in history.) Patch Adams, Chris Gardner and a lot more. These are the people who slowly approached the opposite direction.

Anyway, "Your past doesn't really define your future". And always remember Everyday is a new day to change( for the good of course).

It's never easy, but you could try.

Answer 8

I would assume that being treated like that by parents would give anyone a low self esteem.

Teenagers don't respect most adults, but if you let her walk all over you, you are "treating her badly" too.  Children need boundaries to grow up properly.  It isn't abuse, but it doesn't help them find themselves and learn about society's expectations.

I would seriously suggest some individual counseling for you and some family counseling by the same person to help re-establish the proper chain of authority in your household.

Good luck.