I was trying to help a friend, but now i'm made to feel bad, what can I do?

Question

My best friend has been feeling really down lately because her husband has been having massive mood swings and is working all hours so they hardly see each other. My friend said that he's been protective over his phone and won't let her see it. I was convinced he was having an affair, so I decided to try and view his online bills, which I did. There were numerous calls, usually late at night to who i've found out since is his assistant manager and lots of texts, sometimes 40-60 a day and this guy doesnt even text his friends, he's not a text person. I told my friend because I thought she should know, but she's now going mad at me for looking and says she doesn't even want to talk to me for a couple of days. She has also said that he isn't having an affair and it's not drugs, I'm just worried he's spinning her a line and making me out to be the bad one.

I know I shouldn't of looked at his bills, but they have both tried getting in to my e-mails and facebook before, but now i've done something similar I'm made to feel real c**p.

I don't know what to do? and was I so wrong, im really upset cuz I was only trying to do what I thought was best.

Answer 1

Wow - yeah that was a bit of a dumb thing to do, even when trying to do what's best, if you step over the line you have to be prepared for it to bite you in the ***.

But given that you have got yourself in this situation, you may need to let your friend calm down for a couple of days like she asked but then try and explain and above all - apologise for going too far!

To be honest - all this late night calling and texting does sound mighty suspicious but what you have done has undermined your credibility with the moral high ground. From now on when you talk to your friend, just be supportive and try and offer advice if it is wanted - or just a shoulder to cry on. If her husband is up to no good then the truth will out but if it does DON'T give it the "I told you so" speech.

You may be presented with other opportunities to find out what is really going on but I would be extremely cautious about getting involved again - getting caught out a second time would no doubt prove even more disastrous.

Hope it all works out for the best

P.S. When it comes to their previous attempts to spy on you - it depends on the spirit they did it in. Were they trying to catch you out in some major scandal or were they just mucking about? If it was the former then there really isn't much difference and they are being slightly hypocritcal, if it was the latter then they can justifiably claim that the situation is a little different (even if it doesn't feel that way to you)

Answer 2

Emails and facebook is completely different to bills. I know you were only trying to help your friend but I think you might have took it to far.

You should just give them some space.

She is going to have to sort out things with her husband herself. I know it's hard to see your friend stressed out about this but it is her marriage.

They will calm down and talk to you again.

Next time ask her before you do this sort of thing.

: )

Answer 3

you invaded their privacy. Thas wrong. she was talking to you as a friend and you could have just listened and advised. Its really worng to have done what you do. at least you could have told her how to do it herself.